The visit-1

This is the story of when he was last here (May 2015). I will write what I am able to here and there. This visit was followed by starting a blog and meeting all of you wonderful, supportive friends. It also started a wave of anxiety and panic that I have been trying to recover from for the past year. Thank you for your support and caring! 

Hot water splashed over my hands and face mixed with soapy foam and jags of adrenaline. In my mind somehow I knew that this was it, the dreaded day that had loomed
overhead for years. The fear and utter desolation that had become my daily companion had now vanished and had been replaced by a blank resolution. A strange and constant surge of power overtook my trembling body and signaled me to plant my feet firmly and face what was inevitable.

His footsteps rattled down the hall, at first muted by the sound of water and the unsettling idea that the moment had arrived.  Each step he took represented a rage that had been pent up since his arrival just two weeks before.  Rampant contempt for my bold defiance and rebuffs now came to an unstoppable conclusion. I knew the cycle well but this feeling that welled up inside was somehow different. I told myself that it was time,  I was strong and ready to stand solidly in front of him. I rinsed my hair and let the warmness of the water trickle down my back one last time before returning to reality.

As the pattern of chaotic marching proclaimed his intentions, my mind seemed to mimic each step. I grabbed the towel and dried my hair, confidently pulling on my jeans and shirt. I felt one last surge of energy that swept me into the moment, my hand grasped the door and I walked into the hall.