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Skin check

The little road trip we took yesterday was to my hometown. We went so that I could have a skin check. A few weeks back my nose became red on one side and a bit swollen, it was painful. It finally subsided but a little blemish remained. My family dr. felt it was nothing but since I was due for a skin check I decided to go a little early. 

 

As many of you know last year I was diagnosed with basal cell skin cancer. I was so anxious dealing with PTSD that I could not share with my friends here on the blog. I also had several very good blog friends going through serious cancer struggles and I felt ridiculous to speak of this minor issue. But, when I got home from surgery that day I decided it would be a good thing to let everyone know what was going on.  People were so supportive and reached out helping to calm my fears. The picture below is of me in the car on the 90 minute trip home after surgery last November.

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My sweet son Abdullah took me to Spokane for surgery and for the initial appointment before that.  The surgery was a little more involved than I expected but I was very lucky and so happy that it was confined to a fairly small area. It was in between my nose and lip. The were stitches going from the side of my nose near my cheek, down through my lip. I felt very fortunate to have something simple and easy to remove. On the way home things started to thaw out and the pain started.

At home the kids all helped me out while I settled in on the couch.

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I was amazed at the precision of the stitches, the pain lasted through the night but was much better the next day.

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Over time the bandage got smaller and smaller. My lips were swollen and the scar looked pretty bad, but to be honest I didn’t care, just wanted to make sure they got all of the cancer cells. Again, grateful for the ability to have this excellent medical care and my family to help me get to and from Spokane.

This was the result after stitches were almost gone. Things looked pretty good but OCD and PTSD took over and I was very anxious. After a sescond skin check and a look at the site of the basal, I felt a little better.

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I bought a hat, it flew off on my walk. Sumaya bought me a stylish blue hat with a tie and then I bought a second one for myself. I always wear sunblock, keep my hat on, wear appropriate clothing when outside and try not to be out laying around in the sun during the worst hours for sun exposure.

 

The skin check went well and I was told that the spot most likely is related to the surgery and the stitches that take time to dissolve. After going to the clinic we visited with our little family! The boys are as sweet as ever.

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Thanks for the support that each of you give me. It means so very much to me! I have found so many lovely friends through blogging and this has given me the ability to just be me!

 

Love Lynn

 

 

Grateful for the little things

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Dear friends,

Today I will share my achievements with you. I am not talking about a new job or status but about the little things. It feels strange to share these things but many good friends have encouraged me to be proud for the things I have accomplished and not the things that keep me stuck!  In keeping with my theme of being real, I will disclose these things in hopes that it might help even one person.

A blogger friend told me yesterday that I had helped her through my writing! That was huge for me and helped me feel more excited about finishing my book. This also helped me in so many ways–Thank you!

It is hard to write this list because it is embarrassing in many ways, but people have encouraged me to look at how far I have come and what I can do, not the things that I am unable to do. I was the lady who did it all and kept going no matter what, but I must own these things and who I am and also take pride in what I have accomplished.

Things that have changed in the past few months

  1. I am now able to cook a meal.
  2. I can sleep through most nights until 4 a.m.
  3. I am back to my walking routine and walk outside.
  4. I am able to relax
  5. I am able to get to a better place when panic arises.
  6. I am more social and speak to people casually
  7. I am more confident
  8. I am back to taking better care of me, eat my fruits and veggies, drinking more water.
  9. Flossing my bridge and using eye wipes the dr. prescribed
  10. Can do limited gardening
  11. Back to working on my book almost every day
  12. Have been posting each day for over a month! yeah!
  13. I have given thought to doing cooking posts! This is a cooking blog haha
  14. Have started thinking about the future
  15. Have let my nails grow, no more picking and peeling when anxious

I have been diagnosed with PTSD and OCD. The PTSD has made my OCD way worst over the past few years. I am working hard and trying to get back to me, even if it is a new me!

 

Afraid of flowers

I have not been around much lately. I miss you all and think about you often. 

Rocks clicked beneath my feet, each one a tiny reminder that I was alive, present and accounted for.  The vow to continue a steady pace without looking back would be broken numerous times, bringing shame and despair. Inspecting branches, grassy areas and fields that spilled out onto the trail were now part of the new walking routine. A carefree bush became a supposed breeding ground for squirrels, raccoons and insects, all a threat to my existence.

This was the path I had taken for the past 7 years and each turn was well known to me, but somehow things had morphed and danger lurked. A dog barked in the big blue house, he jumped frantically as if to warn of impending danger. I shuddered and contemplated returning home to relative solace and yet a lingering determination remained. I watched the road with great caution and anticipation, scanning both front and then back, breaking my promise to just walk.

I compelled myself to breathe, to take in the sprawling fields of green and brown dotted with red barns, grain silos and a single tractor. The sky was a pure blue, a painted backdrop to this scene of tranquility. A rush of warm and soft emotion prompted tears that lodged in the creases of tired eyes. Safety and assurance felt like melting snow that turned into soft green grass, the scent of lilacs and honeysuckle played in my mind pushing it to recall forgotten days. The lawn swing creaked as it joyfully rose to the sky, melted popsicles stained my lips a vivid orange.

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