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Grama’s clothes

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My mother with her great granddaughter!

2010

Shaky hands and sweaty fingers tapped and pressed on numbers furiously until the phone toppled to the floor. It was a new device and one that had been purchased so that communication would be convenient and regular. Only a month earlier he made the first visit and with it a case for being forgiven and resuming family life. Tears streamed down his face and explanations were offered that revealed motives for this rash and quick decision. Each night coming home to an empty home, losing everything he had worked so hard for and the idea that we were never coming back had all driven him to a marriage that had become tenuous at best.  He vowed to do anything that was requested of him in order to make things work, even divorce was an option and sending her back to her family.  There was no real marriage only a life of convenience and obligation and the only thing he knew with certainty was that he could not live without me and his children.

I scooped the phone up and forced myself to view the photos that I had requested. It was time to face reality and facts that were undeniable. I thought of my mother and the countless hours she had spent helping us and the way she chose to live her life. She could not be dissuaded and continued to collect outfits, toys and other accessories as she shopped for sales and discounts.  Bags and sacks were stuffed under the guest room bed and handed out when she came for visits. As our family grew there were larger sacks and more space was needed for her many items. Snap up t shirts, pajamas for winter, little socks, pants and shirts all provided with each child in mind. Basically she and dad ended up supplying the majority of clothing and household items which included sheets, towels and even furniture. Mom continued this tradition as we moved to Saudi and each year boxes were packed and shipped or brought along with her and dad.

Some clothing was standard for everyday use and then there were more treasured items that were tucked away until the right time, delicately positioned between crisp layers of tissue paper and then placed into a gift bag. Both boys and girls received the same at the time of their birth, something to wear home from the hospital and a memorable garment that would be passed down to siblings for years to come. Tiny ruffled sleeves and delicate pink material complete with lightly embossed flowers and a white bow. This was the treasured newborn outfit for my first daughter and one that would be worn by her three sisters as well. Years passed and eventually baby clothes were placed in a bin and stored along with each child’s first outfit from Grandma.

Disbelief and shock still presided along with a sick and contradictory emotion. My mind could not process the picture that been requested and then casually sent. I already agreed to allow him back in and now felt ridiculous and small. The bedroom seemed dark and overwhelming and so I stood and took my place in the hall, agreeing not to panic. A walk outside might help or add to fury and unrest but nothing could be managed beyond a simple and unnoticed spot behind the closet door. I dialed his number one last time waiting for an answer until one was given. Yes that was a picture of his new daughter in the outfit that my mother had given to my first born daughter. He had every right to use whatever he wanted and it had been left behind so must not have been important.

 

 

81 Comments Post a comment
  1. OH Lynn! Sometimes there are just no words!

    Liked by 1 person

    May 11, 2018
    • Thanks for reading. That just hurt so much! He used all of my special clothing for his new child! Proudly took pictures and saw nothing wrong with that!!

      Liked by 2 people

      May 11, 2018
      • Some people really have no shame!! So sad!!
        Bless your parents for the way they provided for you and the kids. I am sure their hearts were aching for all of you!

        Liked by 1 person

        May 11, 2018
        • Thank you dear Joy! How are you feeling

          Liked by 1 person

          May 11, 2018
          • You are welcome. My knee was worse for a little while but seems to be turning the corner again, I hope. 2 steps forward, 1 step back., we are getting there. Thanks for asking. 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

            May 11, 2018
          • Yes for sure! Isn’t that the way it seems to work? xx

            Like

            May 11, 2018
  2. Seeing all the effort your parents put in makes me identify with their torment in watching you all so stifled, and you so tortured

    Liked by 2 people

    May 11, 2018
  3. Wow! your mom looks in great shape. Good Mid-Western life style, nice and easy to the heart. Beats the North.

    Liked by 1 person

    May 11, 2018
  4. I would love to write a longer comments full of the distaste I feel for this man but his hubris always leaves me speechless.

    Liked by 2 people

    May 11, 2018
  5. Soo sad. I am happy you are a grandma and your mum is a great grandma now! Congrats! Onward ho for better things in life is my sincere wish for you and your family💕🤗

    Liked by 2 people

    May 11, 2018
  6. I can say nothing 💜

    Liked by 1 person

    May 11, 2018
  7. P.s. love the photo of your mum and her great-granddaughter. 😏💜

    Liked by 1 person

    May 11, 2018
  8. What an awful thing to do!

    Lynn, I’m so glad that you had your mom watching over you – and that she can continue to enjoy having you (and all those cute babies) in her life.

    Liked by 1 person

    May 11, 2018
    • Thank you Sarah! He acted like it was normal so I felt confused and hurt. He did not supply many clothes and certainly not fancy ones cx

      Liked by 1 person

      May 11, 2018
  9. Alice #

    I agree, there are no words to describe his insensitive manner.
    I am so glad you are physically free from his abuse. Keep writing Lynn!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    May 11, 2018
  10. He is totally insensitive if he couldn’t fathom what he put you through.
    Leslie ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    May 11, 2018
  11. What you have been asked and able to endure, Lynz! You amaze me!!

    Liked by 1 person

    May 11, 2018
  12. It makes me angry just thinking about it! (K)

    Liked by 1 person

    May 11, 2018
  13. I do not have the words to describe his callous attitude to you, and his complete lack of human decency. Hugs to you Lynn.

    Like

    May 11, 2018
  14. It is amazing how he was oblivious to the pain he caused. Thank God for your mother, who was consistent in her love whether you were in the USA or Saudi. The love that you received sustained you through the unspeakable. You have what matters and are coming through all of it. Growing stronger and more articulate in expressing yourself. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    May 11, 2018
  15. I am so sorry he has no agenda but his own. you are so much better off without him!! Happy Mom’s Day my friend, I know you have 9+ reasons to be happy ! xx

    Liked by 1 person

    May 11, 2018
  16. Oh, I get so angry for you each time I hear more about this unbelievably cruel, callous man. So glad you had good parents and children. He is despicable!

    Liked by 1 person

    May 11, 2018
  17. A beautiful photo to of your mum and her grandbaby…As for the rest…I have no words for such insensibility…You are well rid 🙂 xx

    Liked by 1 person

    May 11, 2018
    • Xxx thank you dear Carole ❤️❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      May 11, 2018
      • You are welcome lynz..I know how my sister suffered ( she married) an Iraqi… It is upbringing.. boys are treated like gods by their mothers and that accounts for much of their appaling behaviours and until that changes nothing will change xx

        Liked by 1 person

        May 11, 2018
  18. I am shaking with anger at his audacity, and cruelty!!

    Liked by 1 person

    May 11, 2018
  19. So thankful that you had amazing parents !! And that you are finally free.

    Liked by 1 person

    May 11, 2018
  20. I can’t imagine how disorienting all the “messages” were that you received, Lynn. That’s part of an abuser’s pattern – to keep a person disoriented with mixed messages, so you don’t know what’s the truth or what to expect. Your sweet mom was a link to love and normalcy. I love the photo of her with her great-granddaughter. Beautiful.

    Liked by 1 person

    May 11, 2018
    • Thank you Diana! Now that I have been away from him for three years I look back and think things sound ridiculous but at the time and even now sometimes its still confusing! Thank you for your support and insight, you are right on point with what you have said for sure!

      Liked by 1 person

      May 11, 2018
  21. Thank goodness for your mom. You are so well blessed to have her support. xx

    Liked by 1 person

    May 12, 2018
  22. OMW! This is so hard to understand. Thank goodness, you had your mom for support.

    Liked by 1 person

    May 12, 2018
  23. Your mother’s unconditional love is so healing.

    Liked by 1 person

    May 12, 2018
  24. Beautiful picture of your mom and your granddaughter! That is sad that ‘he’ used the baby clothes that belonged to your children for his other woman’s child. So very sad. I’m so glad you are away from him! xoxoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    May 12, 2018
  25. He actually enjoyed twisting the knife in your back. This man is a sociopath.
    Thank heaven you left.

    Liked by 1 person

    May 12, 2018
    • Thank you Carole! It was confusing and with every nice thing he said came a weird nastiness!

      Like

      May 13, 2018
  26. Such cruelty, with such intent, paints a clear picture of him.

    Liked by 1 person

    May 13, 2018
  27. This vignette is such a heartbreaking juxtaposition – your parents persisting in ensuring that the babies and the growing children had wardrobes of clothes and your treasuring of their gifts and His diabolical disregard for the precious thought, sentiment and deed of your parents in ensuring your dignity was intact as far as they were able and his pillaging of the precious and lovely things they had provided to dress his own child and then sending photos. I do have a word for him but it is not printable. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    May 14, 2018
  28. Lovely photo of your Mum and Great Grand Baby
    Let him go Lynz.

    Liked by 1 person

    May 15, 2018
  29. He is full of conflicting words and actions.

    Liked by 1 person

    May 15, 2018
  30. Heartbreaking…

    Liked by 1 person

    June 6, 2018

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