Healing gift
Idaho 2011
Two equal sides were measured up and daily bouts of guilt, anger and shame all boiled down to sorrow. A march down the hill and up again was meant for exercise but became a ritual to quell frustration that built up after days of denial and appeasement. I told myself it was better this way and was not a reflection of the person that I was or had been in the past and after all, I had been the one who left, not him. I purchased creams to prevent the signs of aging, went on diets and did internet searches to help in coping with this new life style that had been thrust upon me. A time period of relative acceptance was always followed by a barrage of confusion and dismay, a battle with the reality that now it was not only another woman 18 years his junior but an infant as well.
For years he handed out the rules that kept our life in an orderly but chaotic realm; the couch could not touch the wall, a small pot was not to be placed on a large burner and two identical containers of ketchup, mustard or anything else were not to be opened at the same time. There were exceptions and alterations to a long list and keeping up with sometimes hourly changes, became unnerving. But now this was my home and I decided what rules would be relevant if he was to insist on entering our lives. I made an orderly mental account; he would stay in the room downstairs, no contact with his new family while staying in my home and no purchasing gifts for them.
Vacations to China and trips with the sheik to other Middle Eastern locations meant I was alone with my 9 children in Riyadh, no contact or inquiries about our well-being were ever made. On visits to Syria his mother questioned him, insisting that he pick up the phone and check on his family but he would not be moved and the same answer was always given, Um Osama ( Lynn) is fine and there is no need. Upon his return the same bag was positioned by the front door containing his pressed and folded clothing and a sack of dirty laundry. On occasion his family insisted on sending little presents as reminders of their affection and the bond we had created while spending time in Damascus. He reluctantly handed out baby dolls, purses and jewelry making sure that no one thought they were from him. Now he would be visiting our home in Idaho and so it seemed only right that he would not call her, purchase frivolous gifts or even think of her and so my rules went into effect.
I wrapped the warmer complete with a scent that seemed just right and tucked it into his suitcase one last time. It had become a game of sorts that brought happiness, joy and resolution on one day and on the next an unrelenting feeling of sickness. I reminded myself that she had probably been tricked and must have been told we were divorced. The baby book had been more difficult and hours were spent positioning it just right and then removing it. One day it was a lovely token and a badge that showed I was indeed a forgiving person who was unaltered by these struggles and the next it was a tormenting reminder of the invisible person I had become. Pink ruffled onesies and tiny socks, dresses and headbands were taken in and out and finally folded one last time. I had contemplated throwing them out or giving them away and then just as easily they were dear to me and held a meaning much greater than I knew. The baby book, warmer and clothing finally found their place in his luggage and would provide a tiny modicum of healing.
I’m having a hard time processing this Lynn. I don’t know how you could. I would be after him with a rolling pin.
Leslie
LikeLiked by 1 person
I was so upset filled with anger! I knew he would do this but how could another woman not care? His family how could they accept it? So i was reeling! Finally I gave little gifts I didnt know why but I guess it made me not feel so hateful xxx
LikeLiked by 3 people
You were well justified in your feelings. But on the other hand, a man/monster like this is best out of your life.
Leslie
LikeLiked by 2 people
YES!
LikeLiked by 1 person
❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m with Leslie.
You are such a wonderful person, Lynn.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I sent many gifts over the two years but felt I was not very kind and was angry so it helped me to feel better inside and out. I found great sales and bagged up tons of special clothes for her on each of his visits. I also sent her mother gifts on occasion.
LikeLike
Thank you Carmen.
Leslie
LikeLike
Another Big Sigh Lynz.. and the more I read of your back story the more I wonder how you stood being there as long as you did.. Which only shows me even more your courage, and I am SO SO pleased you broke away from him and left..
LOVE and Hugs xx
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you sue xxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am so pleased and sad to hear this 😥😥😥…
This is my new blog. Pls follow and share this blog.
What are the benefits of having physical education and sports in India?
In which way does physical education and sports help?
Does physical education and sports play a vital role in education and society?
Do you think that physical education(in India) must be made a mandatory subject at schools and colleges?
Are we giving proper attention to physical education and sports?
Is there a proper way to develop physical education system?
To read my blog, click on the link below:
https://krishnac003.wordpress.com/2018/05/02/the-role-of-physical-education-and-sports-in-india/
LikeLike
Your doing great Lynz and have transutioned remarkably to your new life! Keep charging forward.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you!
LikeLike
What a strong woman you always have been. First, it helped you to survive the hell and then to step out of it. Your heart is beautiful, Lynn 💖
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you sweet Erika who has a heart of gold xxx
LikeLike
💖😘💖
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love how you slowly took back your own life Lynn. I can well understand the marching up and down the hill to walk away the frustrations and uncertainty. The gifts were a master touch and I would hope they made him feel uncomfortable when they were unpacked!
LikeLiked by 2 people
He felt it was weird and didn’t like it at first. I packed them, then unpacked them and packed them again! I was so upset but wanted to feel better. xxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lynn, you are amazing! The little gifts add a touch! It was not the baby’s fault that the man took a second wife. Abundant blessings to you Lynn. Love and hugs!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Even though my situation was no where as intense as yours, I do remember the days when the tooth paste was never correct, who squeezes the tube in the middle he would bellow, one time the lid was left off and you would of thought the end of the world was happening. I am so glad that is all behind you. Love your writing ! XXXXkat
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much sweet Kat xo
LikeLike
It seems your kindness couldn’t be denied, Lynn, and perhaps allowing that part of yourself to express itself was the source of the step toward healing. After everything he did to you, he couldn’t destroy your heart. ❤
LikeLiked by 2 people
That is very lovely to say Diana! Maybe you are right xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
You gave those gifts because you are the better person.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Peggy. I didnt feel very much like I was good because I was so upset. This helped me to have some healing.xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
There is always the hope that kindness will be met with kindness…but I don’t think he could or can ever reciprocate such feelings. You did your best, but now you are free to be who you really are. (K)
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you so much dear K xoxo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow you are one strong woman my friend!!! 🙂 ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Natalie xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re most welcome Lynn. I’m probably going to have to have courage and strength like yours soon❣️😘xoxoxo
LikeLiked by 1 person
We are here for you! You already are so courageous and strong!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
LikeLike
Oh my.
Such strength, honour and love for your family.
You deserve a life time of kindness and blessings.
xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much xoxo
LikeLike
x 💖 x
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can see your self emerging in this piece, Lynn
LikeLiked by 2 people
I completely agree with this sentiment – the taking in and out of the gifts seems particularly apt to me, being still unsure and somewhat in two worlds.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you for understanding, Sarah
LikeLike
Thanks Sarah! xo
LikeLike
Thank you derrick
LikeLiked by 1 person
He didn’t deserve you, Lynn.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you dear Franci ❤️❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think your gift giving was more of YOU being YOU. It feels like healing, it feels like self worth. You decided what to do and did it. It shows your strength and your grace.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are so sweet and kind. Your words are always meaningful! ❤️❤️
LikeLike
I’m glad Lynn. I’m so glad you are where you are now.
LikeLiked by 1 person
xxxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
In the midst of so much pain and turmoil you showed care … a generous healing act which many will not comprehend. You’re an incredibly strong woman and that’s proven through all you’ve experienced and now free, able to write and share. Hugs xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much Annika! xoxo
LikeLiked by 1 person
The paths we walk are treasures on our unique journeys. And you have traveled them well, Lynn.
LikeLiked by 1 person
you are so kind
LikeLike
Lynn, after reading the post and all the comments, I am unable to add anything more to what has already been said ‘written’ above. You ARE the most amazing, loving, forgiving, courageous, and deserving of all good lady and mother!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are so kind dear Esme! Thank you ❤️❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think you’re a better woman than me. I don’t think I would have been able to give or purchase gifts for the other wife’s child.
You’re so strong, and well rid of him!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much Deborah! xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
You endured so much Lynz and with such grace and forgiveness which he certainly does or did not deserve and now look at how you have turned your life around..You are certainly one amazing, strong lady 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much Carole xx
LikeLike
Hopefully, time will progressively mellow the hurt.
LikeLiked by 1 person
yes it has even now!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Many thanks for this info mentioned required info
birthday surprise ideas
LikeLiked by 1 person
Always had my eye on this because of the design!
LikeLike