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Healing gift

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Idaho 2011

Two equal sides were measured up and daily bouts of guilt, anger and shame all boiled down to sorrow. A march down the hill and up again was meant for exercise but became a ritual to quell frustration that built up after days of denial and appeasement. I told myself it was better this way and was not a reflection of the person that I was or had been in the past and after all, I had been the one who left, not him. I purchased creams to prevent the signs of aging, went on diets and did internet searches to help in coping with this new life style that had been thrust upon me. A time period of relative acceptance was always followed by a barrage of confusion and dismay, a battle with the reality that now it was not only another woman 18 years his junior but an infant as well.

For years he handed out the rules that kept our life in an orderly but chaotic realm; the couch could not touch the wall, a small pot was not to be placed on a large burner and two identical containers of ketchup, mustard or anything else were not to be opened at the same time. There were exceptions and alterations to a long list and keeping up with sometimes hourly changes, became unnerving. But now this was my home and I decided what rules would be relevant if he was to insist on entering our lives. I made an orderly mental account; he would stay in the room downstairs, no contact with his new family while staying in my home and no purchasing gifts for them.

Vacations to China and trips with the sheik to other Middle Eastern locations meant I was alone with my 9 children in Riyadh, no contact or inquiries about our well-being were ever made. On visits to Syria his mother questioned him, insisting that he pick up the phone and check on his family but he would not be moved and the same answer was always given, Um Osama ( Lynn) is fine and there is no need.  Upon his return the same bag was positioned by the front door containing his pressed and folded clothing and a sack of dirty laundry. On occasion his family insisted on sending little presents as reminders of their affection and the bond we had created while spending time in Damascus. He reluctantly handed out baby dolls, purses and jewelry making sure that no one thought they were from him. Now he would be visiting our home in Idaho and so it seemed only right that he would not call her, purchase frivolous gifts or even think of her and so my rules went into effect.

I wrapped the warmer complete with a scent that seemed just right and tucked it into his suitcase one last time. It had become a game of sorts that brought happiness, joy and resolution on one day and on the next an unrelenting feeling of sickness. I reminded myself that she had probably been tricked and must have been told we were divorced. The baby book had been more difficult and hours were spent positioning it just right and then removing it. One day it was a lovely token and a badge that showed I was indeed a forgiving person who was unaltered by these struggles and the next it was a tormenting reminder of the invisible person I had become. Pink ruffled onesies and tiny socks, dresses and headbands were taken in and out and finally folded one last time. I had contemplated throwing them out or giving them away and then just as easily they were dear to me and held a meaning much greater than I knew. The baby book, warmer and clothing finally found their place in his luggage and would provide a tiny modicum of healing.

 

61 Comments Post a comment
  1. I’m having a hard time processing this Lynn. I don’t know how you could. I would be after him with a rolling pin.
    Leslie

    Liked by 1 person

    May 4, 2018
    • I was so upset filled with anger! I knew he would do this but how could another woman not care? His family how could they accept it? So i was reeling! Finally I gave little gifts I didnt know why but I guess it made me not feel so hateful xxx

      Liked by 3 people

      May 4, 2018
    • Carmen #

      I’m with Leslie.

      You are such a wonderful person, Lynn.

      Liked by 2 people

      May 4, 2018
      • I sent many gifts over the two years but felt I was not very kind and was angry so it helped me to feel better inside and out. I found great sales and bagged up tons of special clothes for her on each of his visits. I also sent her mother gifts on occasion.

        Like

        May 4, 2018
      • Thank you Carmen.
        Leslie

        Like

        May 5, 2018
  2. Another Big Sigh Lynz.. and the more I read of your back story the more I wonder how you stood being there as long as you did.. Which only shows me even more your courage, and I am SO SO pleased you broke away from him and left..
    LOVE and Hugs xx

    Liked by 2 people

    May 4, 2018
  3. I am so pleased and sad to hear this 😥😥😥…

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    Like

    May 4, 2018
  4. Your doing great Lynz and have transutioned remarkably to your new life! Keep charging forward.

    Liked by 1 person

    May 4, 2018
  5. What a strong woman you always have been. First, it helped you to survive the hell and then to step out of it. Your heart is beautiful, Lynn 💖

    Liked by 1 person

    May 4, 2018
  6. I love how you slowly took back your own life Lynn. I can well understand the marching up and down the hill to walk away the frustrations and uncertainty. The gifts were a master touch and I would hope they made him feel uncomfortable when they were unpacked!

    Liked by 2 people

    May 4, 2018
    • He felt it was weird and didn’t like it at first. I packed them, then unpacked them and packed them again! I was so upset but wanted to feel better. xxx

      Liked by 1 person

      May 4, 2018
  7. Lynn, you are amazing! The little gifts add a touch! It was not the baby’s fault that the man took a second wife. Abundant blessings to you Lynn. Love and hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

    May 4, 2018
  8. Even though my situation was no where as intense as yours, I do remember the days when the tooth paste was never correct, who squeezes the tube in the middle he would bellow, one time the lid was left off and you would of thought the end of the world was happening. I am so glad that is all behind you. Love your writing ! XXXXkat

    Liked by 1 person

    May 4, 2018
  9. It seems your kindness couldn’t be denied, Lynn, and perhaps allowing that part of yourself to express itself was the source of the step toward healing. After everything he did to you, he couldn’t destroy your heart. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    May 4, 2018
  10. You gave those gifts because you are the better person.

    Liked by 1 person

    May 4, 2018
    • Thank you Peggy. I didnt feel very much like I was good because I was so upset. This helped me to have some healing.xx

      Liked by 1 person

      May 4, 2018
  11. There is always the hope that kindness will be met with kindness…but I don’t think he could or can ever reciprocate such feelings. You did your best, but now you are free to be who you really are. (K)

    Liked by 2 people

    May 4, 2018
  12. Wow you are one strong woman my friend!!! 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    May 4, 2018
  13. Oh my.
    Such strength, honour and love for your family.
    You deserve a life time of kindness and blessings.
    xx

    Liked by 1 person

    May 5, 2018
  14. I can see your self emerging in this piece, Lynn

    Liked by 2 people

    May 5, 2018
  15. He didn’t deserve you, Lynn.

    Liked by 1 person

    May 5, 2018
  16. I think your gift giving was more of YOU being YOU. It feels like healing, it feels like self worth. You decided what to do and did it. It shows your strength and your grace.

    Liked by 1 person

    May 6, 2018
  17. In the midst of so much pain and turmoil you showed care … a generous healing act which many will not comprehend. You’re an incredibly strong woman and that’s proven through all you’ve experienced and now free, able to write and share. Hugs xx

    Liked by 1 person

    May 6, 2018
  18. The paths we walk are treasures on our unique journeys. And you have traveled them well, Lynn.

    Liked by 1 person

    May 6, 2018
  19. Lynn, after reading the post and all the comments, I am unable to add anything more to what has already been said ‘written’ above. You ARE the most amazing, loving, forgiving, courageous, and deserving of all good lady and mother!

    Liked by 1 person

    May 7, 2018
  20. I think you’re a better woman than me. I don’t think I would have been able to give or purchase gifts for the other wife’s child.

    You’re so strong, and well rid of him!

    Liked by 1 person

    May 8, 2018
  21. You endured so much Lynz and with such grace and forgiveness which he certainly does or did not deserve and now look at how you have turned your life around..You are certainly one amazing, strong lady 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    May 8, 2018
  22. Hopefully, time will progressively mellow the hurt.

    Liked by 1 person

    May 10, 2018
  23. Many thanks for this info mentioned required info
    birthday surprise ideas

    Liked by 1 person

    September 4, 2018
  24. Always had my eye on this because of the design!

    Like

    September 18, 2018

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