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Cold hard floor

0725151215

Riyadh 2006

His words were clear and yet somehow as I dangled between two worlds they meant nothing. In the real and tangible world where grass grew, trees towered and animals walked free, it almost seemed like a game. I played the role of God fearing wife and mother, never stepping over the line. These putrid and abhorrent scenes of humiliation had never surfaced in front of mom and dad. I made sure that everything was “just so” and nothing was amiss on each and every visit. Any concerns over what my parents might say or do were instinctively met with distraction, jibber jabber and a narrow glance that acknowledged my awareness of any potential problem. A much needed household item, groceries that they  purchased and words that might be spoken all topped the list of possible offenses and would be scrutinized during hours of discussion in his room. It was a balance that teetered on the edge of sanity and one that was fiercely guarded.

His voice grew in volume with each question until fury reached its boiling point. I cupped the phone and slid from pad seating on the floor hoping his words were muffled and inaudible. I smiled and tugged at my pants pulling ragged seams together as I walked into the hall, leaving dad to read his paper and sip coffee. Each time he raised his voice I walked further down the hall, inching my way towards the stairs.  The coffee maker steamed and puffed as it processed another full pot. Dad laughed loudly and sighed as crumpled pages were finally stacked in a pile.

I looked to the porch where mom sat basking in the sun, a far cry from winter in Washington. I waved at her and quickly turned towards the stairs not wanting to draw attention.  His voice was persistent and anger built with every question that he posed. I reached the top of the staircase and swiftly made my way to the bathroom.  A new level of fear peaked as his words now seemed unreal. Cursing in our home was prohibited and even Geez, shoot and darn were seen as obscene. I sat near the toilet on the cold bare floor staring at bathtub tiles, listening to words that signaled yet another escalation,  “These are my children, I am the father, they are shit, nothing, nothing, do you understand?”

 

93 Comments Post a comment
  1. Carmen #

    It’s clear to your readers, dear Lynn, just who is shit and who is nothing. I’m sure you have realized it, too.

    Liked by 7 people

    March 16, 2018
  2. Boy, what you’ve overcome. Your children, too. I know it left scars, but you have triumphed…

    Liked by 3 people

    March 16, 2018
  3. Horrific experience Lynz.

    Liked by 2 people

    March 16, 2018
  4. Lynn, don’t know if you remember me, Linda Smith. I write The Village Smith and we “talked” a couple of times via comments. I said then you should write a book. I think that even more so now. You are one of the best writers I know (read). And believe me, I do not say that lightly. I would venture to say that your experiences coupled with your cooking expertise would be a best seller. I would pay money for such a book.

    Liked by 4 people

    March 16, 2018
  5. Such a pity that HE never understood!

    Liked by 1 person

    March 16, 2018
  6. Lynn, I think you have done an awesome job. ‘O)

    Liked by 1 person

    March 16, 2018
  7. Sad to be filled with that much hatred which is poison in the body. Nobody deserves his treatment and his boyish tantrums.

    Liked by 1 person

    March 16, 2018
  8. What a psychopath! Hugs to you Lynn.
    Leslie ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    March 16, 2018
  9. This is so tough to read. I am so glad you are away fron there. You and the kids are mich better for it. Keep chahing forward….much more living and joy ahead!

    Liked by 1 person

    March 16, 2018
  10. Oh Lynn, you have had to bear so much.
    But look at you now, with your loving children and grandchildren: such a strong, caring and capable woman.
    xx

    Liked by 1 person

    March 16, 2018
  11. Wow, there’s a shit in the story, but it is NOT the children or you! He’s a monster!.

    What you endured is awful. I’m so glad you’re free of him now!

    Liked by 2 people

    March 16, 2018
  12. He revelled in what he thought was his power over you. Now you can revel in your freedom.

    Liked by 2 people

    March 16, 2018
  13. I’m so glad you’re writing a book. It will help countless women who are walking the dangerous tightrope that you faced on a daily basis. Bless you.

    Liked by 2 people

    March 16, 2018
  14. I am so sorry all this happened to you, sweet Lynn. ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    March 16, 2018
  15. Terrifying existence, indeed

    Liked by 1 person

    March 17, 2018
  16. I am so glad you are away from that monster and safe! xoxoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    March 17, 2018
  17. Wow! He’s beyond a narcissist. Seems he had to constantly prove to himself he was in control due to his low self-esteem.

    Liked by 1 person

    March 17, 2018
  18. Such a control freak, it almost makes me feel sorry for him, almost!! The ahole I was married to hated my family, he refused to let my mother stay at our house alone. He was so two faced, in front of her he would hug her and treat her like his own mother, but in the quiet of out room, his BS would spill out in whispers and spittle he was so mad.. We had 2 cars and when my mother came he took both of them to his work claiming one was broke down, I begged him to leave me a car so I could take my mom around, but no, we had no reason to be away from the house!! I called BS on this and took the bus and my keys to his job and drove the car away, I really thought he was going to bust a blood vessel…I told my mom that he called and got the car running so I would go get it. We had a wonderful time driving around where she used to live and enjoying her time with us. He didn’t take the car again, but life was never the same after that…Took me 4 more years before I left. What a life living with a control freak who feels he is superior to all of the human race. I feel for you my friend, sooooo happy your free to do as you want now. ITs your life and only you can make the decisions…..your doing great sister….XXXkat

    Liked by 1 person

    March 17, 2018
  19. What a Horrible experience.

    Liked by 1 person

    March 17, 2018
  20. grrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    March 17, 2018
  21. Yes, all abusers, control freaks, bastards what ever you call them, all say do and act the same..
    Made from the same defective mold. Go Sis write this book you are my hero.💜💜💜

    Liked by 1 person

    March 17, 2018
  22. You can never unhear those things, can you?

    Liked by 1 person

    March 17, 2018
  23. Bravo to you that you are now expelling his vomitous words. Blessings on the new life you are building for you and your children. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    March 17, 2018
  24. Every time I read a new installment I see you and your children, now. And am grateful.

    Liked by 2 people

    March 17, 2018
  25. As always, I am so glad you are here now, Lynn. Thinking of you.

    Liked by 1 person

    March 18, 2018
  26. Lynz, this must be so hard to recall, write down but not close to what you endured… you write with control, clarity and I’m not sure how you retain such calm in your words. Well done for overcoming and being able to share. Hugs xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    March 18, 2018
  27. It is like spying through a crack in the door at a woman bound, gagged, covered from head to toe and being whipped. The creeping dread I feel whenever I see you have posted another installment and yet the compulsion to read your words make me even more convinced that your book, when it is out, will be a winner. A winner that gives hope to the victims of the most depraved abuse that you managed to escape and that they may too, a book that opens the eyes of the ignorant masses to the horrors that can be taking place in the name of culture, religion, belief on this planet of ours, maybe even in the same town as ours. Yours, Lynn is a frightful story and your writing it, I hope is catharsis for you and may prove the trigger to escape for others xxx

    Liked by 3 people

    March 19, 2018
    • Thanks so much Fiona. I hope for the same thing. If I had known one person when I was in this situation who could give me hope for the future or tell me that it could be different it would have helped me. I wish that I could do that for even one person. xoxoxoxo

      Liked by 2 people

      March 19, 2018
      • Different circumstances but the same sentiment and I promise you, you have paid that debt over and over … with or without your book. These posts are extraordinarily powerful to a bystander and I don’t doubt that they effect people in similar circumstances to those you found yourself in profoundly even if they don’t reveal who they are. Xxx

        Liked by 1 person

        March 19, 2018
  28. 😢

    Liked by 1 person

    March 19, 2018
  29. Wow! Your writing is getting very powerful.

    Liked by 1 person

    March 19, 2018
  30. Hi Lynz, This is my first read of your post, and as mentioned above, I immediately could figure out what you meant and who you wrote about.
    WOW, you’re an awesome, strong and courageous women and mother of your children.

    Liked by 1 person

    March 19, 2018
  31. You are at least lucky to have the talent to write so well. It is cleansing and therapeutic. Carry on, you’re doing great, Lynn!

    Liked by 1 person

    March 20, 2018
  32. So painful, Lynn. Your story is riveting and your strength inspiring. What a journey to write this down and see how far you’ve come. Hugs. ❤

    Like

    March 20, 2018
  33. Amazing how HE set the rules about the cursing, yet he couldn’t even abide by them. HE must be a very sad person. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    March 21, 2018
  34. So glad that you and your children are long past that life of horror, Lynz. ❤ Blessings and love…

    Liked by 2 people

    March 21, 2018
  35. Lynn, reading your story gave me hope when my daughter was in a similar situation.
    Thank you!!

    Liked by 1 person

    March 21, 2018
  36. Have you written a book? I think you should xx

    Liked by 1 person

    April 21, 2018

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