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Interrupted

As I make preparations for my son and daughter in law to arrive and later this week all of my children, I am reminded of the glorious freedom we now enjoy.

Bags and boxes of candy canes, chocolate kisses and holiday bells all held a small place on a Tamimi (Safeway) shelf next to the usual Western candy. It seemed a bold and daring move to have this display in plain view of the Mutawa (religious police) who could possibly confiscate the entire contents. I passed by numerous times weighing the benefits against the potential conflict that could be caused by purchasing any festive items. They would be put together into a plastic sack and stashed in my diaper bag to be hurriedly removed when we arrived to the compound. I knew the good stuff would not last long and on my next grocery outing would be gone, picked over by other Westerners who happily purchased these questionable items when they became available.

A warm yet fleeting feeling surged through my mind, a nonchalant breeze, a whisper. I held a bag of sugar ribbons, colored waves of crisp confections that had been placed in a red glass dish on the window box in my childhood home. Dad strung the usual colored lights along the eves outside of the green ranch style house. A towering tree was positioned near the sofa, leaving the continuous smell of pine throughout our home. Mom would buy my favorite, white taffy rounds highlighted in the center by a red and green Christmas tree, wrapped in tiny plastic that twisted and sealed the ends. Plans were made; gifts were purchased and placed underneath the noble pine, topped by a traditional light-up star. The wood cabinet held a colored television as well as a turn table that would be stacked with holiday records, as each one completed, the click and snap of the next in line would be eagerly awaited.  An array of parties and events would follow Thanksgiving and the countdown would begin.

My hands trembled as I summoned the courage to place this simple bag of candy ribbons into the cart under lettuce and carrots, spices and napkins. I knew in my logical mind that he would not come to the store and rummage through a shopping cart but I felt a sick twinge of guilt for disobeying his orders. I grabbed the bag and looked over my shoulder, then gingerly tossed it onto the nearest rack.  A loathsome awareness of my sins reminded me that this was not the way a pious wife would respond to such temptations.

Pictures, music and decorative items of any kind were not allowed in our household during holidays or at any other time. A strict adherence to his rules had become compulsory. Girls wearing pants and bright laughing smiles were discouraged and viewed as immersion into this temporary life. Asking too many questions regarding his rules was met with fury and labeled undisciplined and wicked. A strange weave of order teetered haplessly on his predilections and could be toppled by a sudden burst of happiness or irritation. Would a simple bag of chocolate bring about contempt and outrage or would he simply chalk it up to my rebellious spirit.

I inched my cart closer to the shelf, my older children looked on as kids chose favorite bags of candy, eyes growing wide with anticipation. I knew what each one fancied, chocolate covered peanut butter trees, flavored candy canes and kisses wrapped in red and green. Three bags of simple treasures, peppermint and chocolate, tightly guarded remnants and colors of a life interrupted.

75 Comments Post a comment
  1. It’s a shame that a simple act like buying a bag of chocolate should initiate such anxiety. I’m sure holiday’s today bring greater joy to your life.

    Liked by 3 people

    November 20, 2017
  2. May you have a joyous time with all the family Lynn.

    Liked by 1 person

    November 20, 2017
  3. I feel so happy for the freedom, as you and your family have now, dear sister ❤
    The monster never had any right to tell you, how you should live your life.

    Liked by 2 people

    November 20, 2017
  4. Your freedom came at a horrible cost in the past, but with all that behind you can now enjoy the true freedom you had always deserved. You are going to have such an awesome Christmas this year with that incredible family of yours!!!

    Liked by 2 people

    November 20, 2017
  5. I’m so glad that you are able to celebrate as you want now, Lynn. When this holiday season gets overwhelming, I need to remember to step back and be thankful that I am free to be overwhelmed by the season, and it’s something I should be grateful for.

    Liked by 3 people

    November 20, 2017
  6. Notice how all the guilt falls on your shoulders. If you love someone you don’t strive to control their every move. I’m so glad you are free of him now, Lynn.
    Leslie ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    November 20, 2017
  7. This year you and your lovely family can celebrate with complete joy and perhaps put those stifling memories to rest.

    Liked by 2 people

    November 20, 2017
  8. Your stories are horrific in my mind having to obey religious beliefs….sad really. You can look on the bright side now that you are free somewhat from him. Stay smiling.

    Liked by 1 person

    November 20, 2017
  9. Simple treats which are supposed to be enjoyed and bring a smile on faces was turned into a reason to feel fear and guilt…. Thank God, it is over and today you get what you feel like. I am sure you enjoy it to the max today.

    Liked by 1 person

    November 20, 2017
  10. Lovely images of your childhood. I’m glad you are now able to experience those things again.

    Liked by 1 person

    November 20, 2017
  11. So wonderful all your children are joining you for Thanksgiving in your home. May the blessings of freedom be yours to enjoy with your family. Abundant blessings during the holiday season!

    Liked by 1 person

    November 20, 2017
  12. I hope you have a wonderful, and happy Holiday Season Lynn! I’m counting my blessings too. xx

    Liked by 1 person

    November 20, 2017
  13. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving Lynn. And thanks for the reminder of all that we take for granted. (K)

    Liked by 1 person

    November 20, 2017
  14. glad you can celebrate however you want now!!! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    November 20, 2017
  15. This is so beautifully told Lyn. My heart was breaking for the control you felt at not being able to indulge your children with those simple pleasures. We do take our freedoms for granted until they are taken away, so we cannot truly know how it felt for you. No-one can decide what is right for another person. I’m glad you are free of it all. Enjoy your time with your family.

    Liked by 1 person

    November 20, 2017
  16. Such a powerful last line, Lynn. Life has resumed and I’m so glad you are relishing every sweet moment. Happy Holidays.

    Liked by 1 person

    November 20, 2017
  17. Looks like you are ready for family! Happy holidays and great family time is wished for you! Garfield hugs🤗💕

    Liked by 1 person

    November 20, 2017
  18. The scars that you carry are deep and painful. The monster your husband turned into in the misguided name of some God that you didn’t even sign up to, the torment and torture he put you through the years of anguish and the anxiety so throttling that I know it is still omnipresent in you. These words that you right sink deep into my heart and I find it aching with sadness for you. Then I feel the light enter it as I remember the opening words. The words of a free woman who is going to spend the holidays with her lovely family – the family she bravely rescued, the family that she grew and nurtured, the family that would do anything for her. Love, my dearest Lynn is all you need and your cup overflows with love from the family you were raised by and with and whom your raised and your family of followers of your words – we cheer you on and are beyond proud to know you. I send you more love from France xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    November 21, 2017
    • Thank you sweet and dear Fiona! You are right the scars and the emotions are deep and unfortunately affect us all. I hope you are well and that your family is well! Love you

      Liked by 1 person

      November 21, 2017
      • Love you too and I will write this week but don’t worry – I know it;s the holidays in your land so no rush to get back to me xxxx

        Liked by 1 person

        November 21, 2017
  19. Lynn, I wish you and yours the happiest and most beautiful of holidays. No more stress and anxiety…. other than the regular old holiday ‘good’ stress of making, baking and being together. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    November 21, 2017
  20. Your story makes me appreciate living in this country. I’m so glad that you no longer have to endure his cruel and inconsiderate ways. I hope you and your family have a wonderful and safe holiday season.

    Liked by 1 person

    November 21, 2017
  21. I loved the pictures! So beautiful! You write so well Lynn! When I read your stories, I feel like I am right there. Now you can buy all the candy you want and celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas without guilt! YAY!! You have come a long way! xoxoxoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    November 21, 2017
  22. This bitter sweet post demonstrates how you have earned your freedom

    Liked by 1 person

    November 21, 2017
  23. Yay ! for Freedom…that is a pure celebration within itself !!! 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    November 21, 2017
  24. I am so glad you can all enjoy the pleasures of delicious treats year round now Lynn. Happy Thanksgiving.

    Liked by 1 person

    November 21, 2017
  25. I am glad you are now free to tell about the prison of life with Him. Happy Thanksgiving, Lynn.

    Liked by 1 person

    November 21, 2017
  26. This was so moving Lyn… a contrast of colors… of the free life you now each live (at least outwardly)! Lots of Hugs! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving Lyn!

    Like

    November 21, 2017
  27. Lynz, you write brilliantly of your hardship and through the simple act of buying sweets highlight your plight, living under fear and tyranny. Your memories of your celebrations at your parent’s home are in stark contrast and you write so tenderly of your recollections. Wonderful. A moving thoughtful post! Wishing you a very special Happy Thanksgiving and build-up to Christmas with all its bright colourful presents, sweets, decorations & food. 😀❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    November 22, 2017
  28. Always the mama bear looking out for her babies…..Happy Holidays my friend, you enjoy every moment of it….xxkat

    Liked by 1 person

    November 22, 2017
  29. I am glad and happy for you that you can now celebrate and enjoy chocolates with your family with no anxiety.

    Liked by 1 person

    November 22, 2017
  30. Christmas cookies are awesome, those look great.

    Liked by 1 person

    November 25, 2017
  31. All the past now!

    Liked by 1 person

    November 28, 2017

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