Grateful for the little things

 

I woke up this morning and I got on the scale, lamented over my weight and then thought about the book. I ran through all of the things I needed to accomplish in this one day and how I had failed and had no direction. I analyzed my failure to lose weight as I have for years! I felt lost with my writing and dreaded working on the book, not knowing what I am doing. Soon I must support the family and although I don’t think the book will make money I feel the push to just get it done once and for all! I thought of the jobs I could apply for but then realized I am 55 years old and a new career is probably not going to happen and I feel anxious about that possibility anyway.

I poured my coffee and it hit me! I realized that in 35 years I have never put myself on this magical list of priorities that I use to keep my family on track and healthy.  Over the years my children have encouraged me to put myself on that list, at the top. I have always refused, it felt selfish and wrong. In the past month my mind has cleared and I feel I am regaining strength and focus.  I never gave much weight to years of abuse, his last visit in which he attacked me ( I could not admit that until now) his marrying a second wife, which took the abuse to a new level and the birth of his child. I told myself that it was nothing, other people suffer greatly, I was lucky.

This past two years finally it all caught up with me. I was unable to cook anything, unable to walk alone, unable to drive and unable to do simple things. I feel so much better now, but I realize that I have to be on this list, Lynn’s magical to do list. I am worthy of happiness, love and good things. I need to spend this time working on my physical, mental and spiritual health and the rest will follow. So on this day I start a new job, getting to know me and to value me. I am worth it!

The little things that have changed

1. I have posted daily for about 2 months

2. I have cooked meals unassisted for 2 weeks

3. I can walk alone short distances

4. I faced my anxiety and had a filling fixed at the dentist

5. I have used my eye wipes and flossed teeth and my bridges

6. I have eaten 3 or 4 fruits a day and 1 veggie for the past few weeks

7. I have worked many days on my book

8. I went for my skin check and was not panicked, anxiety was low

9. Thanksgiving is the one holiday that all of my kids come together. It has been a special time for the past 8 years. Last year I had no interest in celebrating. This year I am so happy to have everyone here and thinking of things to make, games to play, desserts!

10. I have actually felt joy, warm feelings and happiness.

11. My mind is clearing and I am processing things, not running in fear!

12. I can fall asleep easier and wake up at 5 a.m. not 4.

13. I feel hopeful most days.

_DSC1945

2016- look at us now

 

115 thoughts on “Grateful for the little things

  1. What you accomplished in only a few years is beyond amazing, Lynn! I am not surprised you feel overwhelmed big time at times. But what you achieved is more than many do in their whole life. You took action and you brought yourself and your family from darkness into the light again.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes, we all should celebrate the small stuff, and posting daily to the blog, in my opinion, is not an easy task. Bravo!
    I like the fact that you’ve wrote down the changes that happened to your lifestyle. This way, you could see, how much you’ve improved. Love your positive vibes Lynn 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This post brought such Joy to my heart Lynz.. Such a change and transformation you have brought to your whole family.. Such wonderful photos you shared
    Fabulous
    and I picked out this sentence..
    “I poured my coffee and it hit me! I realized that in 35 years I have never put myself on this magical list of priorities that I use to keep my family on track and healthy. ”

    Well now it that TIME, For YOU to take care of YOU dear Lynz..
    Take care and be well my friend xx ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Your worth never diminished, dear friend. It was overshadowed by other forces. Your kids love and appreciate the mom and friend you have been to them and want you to have the same level of happiness and joy that you have made a way for them to experience. Yes, it is time for some YOU time and I hope you do indeed put yourself at the top of that magical list!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I feel so happy, that you are now on your priority list, sister ❤
    You deserve that so much.

    Many years ago, I was checked and in treatment to avoid a full cancer development. When I told my doctor, that I didn't have time for myself too, he said this:
    If you are not going to take care of yourself, who will be able to take care of your loved once, when you are not here any longer?
    Very good question, which taught me to look out for myself too.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. As you know, I don’t like Indie books but I promise you, I will buy your book and I will read it. I know I will like it, because I like your writing style. While so many writers here at WP try to outdo themselves with complicated word chains you still sound humbled and your writing style is superb. You do actually have a story to tell.

    One advice from a former translator. Do not instantly self-publish. Sendyour manuscript to publishing houses first. My gut tells me you will get published.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I think as a mother it is so easy to put oneself at the bottom of the list …if even there. Mother’s think of other’s and their families before themselves. It is time though, to include oneself on the list, especially since the children are bigger. I am so proud of you for thinking now of yourself. In time, things will get better, they already are for you. Remember you need to take care of you, otherwise you won’t be able to take care of anyone else. Hugs my friend. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  8. So very glad to read you are taking care of you! You should be very proud of the steps you are taking to care for not only yourself but your family. It will all come together for you, I know it will. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Good for you to put yourself on that list!!! The weight thing? One day at a time. I’m with you on that. It’s never ending. The important thing is to not give up.
    I hate anxiety. I deal with it all the time too. But one thing at a time.
    I am so proud of you. The book will come together when it’s supposed to.
    Alice

    Like

  10. You have to take care of Lynn first !! It’s that “put the oxygen mask on yourself first, or you won’t be able to help your child” thing.So glad that you are taking positive steps toward that goal. Proud to know you.
    p.s. Such a lovely family…still can’t wrap my head around raising 9, even in the best of circumstances. Good on you, Mom.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. It is so good to see your story in pictures and how far you have come. I realize also that your children have been raised very well or else you might not be as far. I am also 55 years old. I think for hard workers, there will be opportunities. I would love to have a new career. As you have probably realized from my blog that teaching in the states or anywhere has changed greatly in terms of technology and students. I hold on to my adjunct job and now substitute teach. I am not sure if I will ever have another fulltime position teaching. This is my dilemma as it dealing with my husband’s cancer and hoping this treatment will work. Anyway, I think there are still opportunities out there for you and for me. Congratulations on your progress in 8 years.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Wow you are tearing yourself up like your husband did to you. This takes time to remedy and you are aware of it and that is half the battle. There is a simple book that come into my journey that is simple language but worth the read and it is by Louise Hay…You can heal your life. Trust me it works not overnight but it does work
    Kudos for your magical list. With what you have gone through those are major accomplishments and you have the support of your family which is awesome as well as some people do not have support. START LOVING YOURSELF!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Lynn, you seem to have accomplished putting yourself on the to-do list and taking care of Lynn, based on the things you have recently accomplished!

    And I, for one, have loved having you back to blogging. Your story is often so hard to read, but knowing that you’re here on the other side (hard though it still may sometimes be) makes it somewhat easier to read. And I’ve told you many times I’ll be lined up to buy your book, whenever you finish (whenever that may be – you take care of you first, and when that book gets written, I’ll still be here to read it)!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. You should add that you always say something nice about other people’s posts. It is very kind of you. I know Kerfe appreciates it too.
    As for the weight, it’s not what your body weighs, it’s what it can do. N.

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Yes…look at you! You have been strong for your family and now you can be strong for you. As women we are always thinking of others first, but if we do not take care of ourselves, what help will we be to anyone else? Lynn, your story is such an inspiration. Always remember how much your words and images mean to all of us in the WordPress family…your family too! (K)

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Lynn, you are coming through to the other side. Honesty about our own needs is not selfishness but healthy. You have come through the fire and are still here! A thousand mile journey begins with one step at a time. You have taken many steps towards health. Your children are healthy and thriving. It is time for Lynn. Small things of self care comes through. You have important things to share and your voice will be heard. Keep up the small steps and you will be amazed how far you have come. You are very much worth it! Love and hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Oh Lynn!! I am glad you have finally realized you belong on the list. You are WORTH it! But don’t be too hard on yourself. You are making great strides considering what you have been through. Take it a day at a time – moment at a time if needed. You have such a beautiful family and have done such a great job! Sending hugs!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. You have to be at the top of your list. Oh Lynn, it made me smile reading this post. Be kind to yourself, do for you for a change, listen to your children, enjoy life and take care of your health the rest will follow. Lynn it is so good to have you back.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Lyn, you deserve the very best. And you ARE accomplishing so much. These are amazing things. I can relate to the fears and the dentist. These are huge when you have anxiety. You have so much to be proud of! Hugs! ♥️

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Wonderful gifts from your family fill you with love and warmth! I’m sure that you can accomplish anything you set out to do!
    Lynn, you “Go Girl!”
    Keep on one day or moment at a time. Whichever way gets you ahead and shows progress, try. . .
    Beautiful family!! You saved each and every one of them. 💞

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Lynn, It is a powerful experience to read your list of past wounds and fears that entrapped you. I celebrate the future of FREE LYNN that you are committing yourself too. Keep it up! You are worth every moment you spend on yourself. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Good Morning, you sound so happy….one day at a time, so happy that your putting yourself on the list….I can only imagine how hard that had to be, I am so happy that you are back on here, and taking control over your life. stick with it my friend, and I cannot believe that its almost Thanksgiving…LOL lots of hugs……xxxxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXXkat

    Liked by 1 person

  23. You are finally catching up with what you gave your family thru all these years.. Survival and living life with bright opportunities.. You’ve struggled hard to save them from a very different and uncertain life.. The last picture is the most important statement in light of the journey you and your family have endured.. Look at us now !
    Its ok that you don’t think your book won’t bring in an income.. I have a different opinion about that..
    Just keep true to your writing style.. Don’t try to be an author, you already are an excellent one.. Publish your poetry and book.. Let us know where we can buy it for download or paper.. 💛

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Pingback: Weekly review | lynz real cooking

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