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The brave


He stood in front of the mirror shaping his hair into the style he had become accustomed to. The blue backpack that had been purchased in fifth grade still looked almost new, he carefully placed a binder inside and stacked his lunch on top. “Goodbye mom, love you, keep your phone on high” and with that he walked down the steps and to the bus stop, leaving me with a warm feeling of affirmation.

His little hands clasped my purse and the standard words were spoken, “You won’t leave right mom, you will be right here, promise?” I smiled and hugged him issuing the words that had become well known to us both, nodding and motioning for him to join his class as they filed down the hall. He stood as he had each day, unable to leave my side until I spoke the words in exact order, with a resounding and unshakable tone “I will not leave this spot, I would never lie to you, I love you” and with that he reluctantly fell into line.

I took my place along the wall, each day inching further away, hoping that it would not prompt a negative response and push us back to where we had started. Progress was slow but at least he was sitting at a desk, only leaving class every hour to make sure I kept my solemn vow. The teacher peered out with a curious look as I took my seat, tucking my purse to the side.

In the four years since our arrival there had been several attempts made at getting him into school and each time the result had been the same. An overwhelming shame and guilt followed me and eroded an already shaky resolve that told me I was justified in moving back home.  I questioned my abilities as a mother as I watched my children struggle with things that seemed basic to other students. His words rang clearly in my ears and were a reminder of my failures, “Lynn, you don’t know how to raise a family”.

The principal walked past and nodded, stopping to make a few light hearted jokes about my daily presence and the incessant nature of my journey. I laughed awkwardly repositioning myself closer to the wall, trying to ignore the sound of scraping from the plastic chair. A dull silence fell around me as she swished away, stopping to instruct both students and aids. Her no nonsense demeanor unnerved me until she turned and offered a soft grin, a silent reminder of her commitment to our arrangement.

It seemed as if nothing had changed and each small step forward was met with resistance and complications. The house had fallen into chaos or at least it seemed that way as I sat for hours thinking of all the things that had to be done.

Days became weeks, well-meaning suggestions and advice were offered. I was told to just leave, he would get over it, to take a stand and make my move. I knew a shaky trust was on the line and so my position remained immovable. I was asked to help out in various classrooms, to serve lunch and sharpen pencils. A steady trickle of hope eeked its way out with any small but significant advance until I found myself outside on a bench, and then in the car.

Almost three months had passed when he suggested that I go home and make lunch, maybe I could return at recess. I held my breath and tried not to look back.

 

77 Comments Post a comment
  1. And just look at hike now! 😍💕👍😘

    Liked by 1 person

    October 3, 2017
  2. Him! 🤣

    Liked by 1 person

    October 3, 2017
  3. Lynn, you know how to raise a family really well, you only have to look at them all to see that. You, and they, are very lucky to have each other, and we are lucky to be able to share in your life stories.

    Liked by 3 people

    October 3, 2017
  4. What you went through with your husband must have had a devastating effect on the children. They would see what was going on. It must have been very destabilizing for them.
    You were/are a very good mother Lynn, you were there for them.
    Leslie

    Liked by 1 person

    October 3, 2017
  5. Kathy Knott #

    Lynn, I was just thinking about how far he’s come this morning. He is an amazing kid. All of your kids are!

    Liked by 1 person

    October 3, 2017
    • Thanks so much! You were and are a special person in our lives! I hear about you often! Thanks for being there and always thinking of us!!! xoxoxoYou really made that year of school for D a good year and she then felt stable in the school environment! Many thanks to you!!

      Like

      October 3, 2017
  6. This is such a charming telling, Lynn. Hugs to you both.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 3, 2017
  7. Separation is not easy, for anyone! I remember too well.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 3, 2017
  8. very good Lynz!!! xoxoxxo b-2

    Liked by 1 person

    October 3, 2017
  9. Lynn,
    You are an amazing mother. It is evident in the way your children love and surround you. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    October 3, 2017
  10. If you were not a great mother and always have been a trustable mother Lynn, then you would not have these close relationships to your kids now. Trust me.
    It is never easy to let our kids leave their home, but it is also necessary ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    October 3, 2017
  11. The feelings of your son and you come through so poignantly. You and you children have come through a war zone through to the other side. The journey is so important with small victories that bring triumph over adversity. Keep writing! You and your family are precious treasures! xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    October 3, 2017
  12. A beautiful post about a Mothers love. Be proud, you accomplished so much.

    Liked by 2 people

    October 3, 2017
  13. Many mothers will recognise those days of trying to let go when they first start school, but yours were particularly hard. You persevered, showed compassion and gave him something he could trust at a time when he probably didn’t know who or what to believe in. Look at him now! You surely are a good mum and an excellent write to boot. 💜

    Liked by 2 people

    October 3, 2017
  14. You are an amazing woman and an amazing mother. I am so glad to know you.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 3, 2017
    • Thank you so much Bernadette for those words! They mean so much to me! I am so glad to know you!

      Like

      October 3, 2017
  15. That level of sacrifice and commitment is what Mom’s do. Look at him now! You built love, trust, and helped, prodded, shaped a confident young man. Hugs and ^5!’s to you both!

    Liked by 1 person

    October 3, 2017
  16. Oh, you are so good, Lynn, and your instincts are right on. I’m so glad you stuck with it, and what a beautiful boy who understands what love is. 🙂 That will serve him his whole life.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 3, 2017
  17. Amazingly written, Lynn. I could feel the anguish in every word. Your son/ your children are so blessed to have you on their side. Hugs to you all.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 3, 2017
  18. Yes the brave,you Lynz you are the brave, the honest the true, the unvavering and in the end the triumphant! 💜💜💜

    Liked by 1 person

    October 3, 2017
  19. Knowing when to stay and when to go is one of the hardest things…but trust is so important. And see where you are now! Bravo! (K)

    Liked by 1 person

    October 3, 2017
  20. I love how much you love your children.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 3, 2017
  21. Oh Lynn! So proud of you and the beautiful children you raised! You certainly knew what to do and how to be a mother! The BEST mother! Beautifully expressed! My heart…..

    Liked by 1 person

    October 3, 2017
  22. Wow Lyn, I could feel both his heart and yours! How brave you were to follow your heart. I don’t think there is much that is more valuable than building trust. This was such a moving and beautiful story! You are an amazing woman and a beautiful mother… and that shines through in each of your children! xoxo

    Like

    October 3, 2017
  23. Lynn, this is difficult to read – to think what your kids went through. Their success and happiness is such a testament to what a good mom you are, and the decisions you made that allowed them to become the young men and women they are.

    Like

    October 3, 2017
  24. Mama Bear…..you are one of a kind…..the love of a mother immolates from you my friend….XXkat

    Like

    October 3, 2017
  25. What you were going through was bound to impact on the children. Nevertheless you have proved yourself a marvellous mother.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 4, 2017
  26. For as many times as you may have heard his voice in your head, questioning your ability to raise a family, you knew exactly where you needed to be for your son when he needed you most. Brave, committed & victorious I would say!😘

    Liked by 1 person

    October 4, 2017
    • Wow you are right! A big issue is questioning myself. None of us were allowed to make decisions so that is hard to do. But yes you are right!!! I do what I think is right. Never thought of this Lynn! Thanks so much for those thoughts! xo

      Liked by 1 person

      October 4, 2017
  27. He’s amazing, Lynn, but then he has an amazing mother. 😉

    Like

    October 4, 2017
  28. Looking at your family stories and pictures, you should feel very proud of the outcome. Such a loving family!

    Liked by 1 person

    October 4, 2017
  29. How sweet! Such sweet memories!

    Liked by 1 person

    October 4, 2017
  30. I love reading your stories Lynn. Each time they touch my heart. You have a wonderful family and you are certainly a wonderful mother. You are all blessed to have one another. Hugs xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    October 4, 2017
  31. A real testament to the resilience of the human spirit. All my best to you, Lynn.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 4, 2017
  32. Wow, this must have been torture. This piece really draws attention to how deeply ingrained mind-control can be, how difficult to break out of it, and how deeply it damages young children who have no innate defense against it. Kudos to you for breaking out of the prison and freeing you kids in the process.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 4, 2017
  33. Lynn, don’t ever doubt that you are a strong and wonderful mother and loving grandmother, too. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    October 4, 2017
  34. We do what we have to for our children. They are our true legacy.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 5, 2017
  35. You have done well in parenting! All grown up now.💕

    Liked by 1 person

    October 9, 2017
  36. I think you both showed great courage and determination. I am so glad you made it to the other side.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 10, 2017

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