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Morning villa-1993

I am revising these parts of my book and will share them with you. Last week I posted Nothing on top of nothing 

https://lynzrealcooking.com/2017/08/16/a-update-on-the-book/

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Morning villa

 

A piercing pain roused me from a partial state of sleep and wakefulness. I peered out of one eye to see that things had not changed and were as I remembered them. Ten large boxes had been retrieved from the car-park area, lugged up the stairs and placed along the empty living room wall. Scraps of tape, labels and pieces of cardboard lay strewn along the coarse and ragged carpet.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, allowing my mind to have regrets for a brief instant. I had never authorized such sick and repugnant thoughts, nor had I conceded defeat until this moment. Pain locked my hips and back into a vicious cycle of roll and push, until I reached a crawling position. An intermittent grinding shifted through my stomach, signaling hunger that would no longer abate. My hair was drenched in perspiration, sweat dripped onto the worn brown blanket that had served as a bed for the children and I.

I pulled Foof next to her siblings and prepared to stand, one last glance at the children reassured me that everyone was accounted for. I reminded myself that I was fortunate, even spoiled as he repeatedly stated when the real me dared to surface. I searched for things to be grateful for, an old tattered brown and tan blanket and pillows that had been unwittingly tossed into boxes at the last-minute.

I surveyed the villa in the light of day and surmised that things looked much the same as they had the previous night, every line on the walls, each crack through the plywood and the lack of furniture had not changed.  I felt a sudden twinge of disbelief and bewilderment, building tension gave into pulsing words that could no longer be denied, “I do not have to be the perfect wife”. Repulsion gripped my entire being as I grappled with this foreign and abhorrent concept.  I composed myself and tried to remember that I was a God-fearing, good woman who had duties and responsibilities.

An unwavering resolve took over and I scanned the room for a way to bring cool air into this stagnant space. I reached up towards the brown plastic window and pulled back and forth until it relented. A gentle breeze made its way towards me, mucky sweat dried on my forehead and a momentary relief washed across the room.

The children moved restlessly back and forth, each holding firmly to their position on the bed that had been fashioned from the old brown blanket. It had not occurred to me that we would need food and water until my lips and mouth felt parched and sore. I wandered to the area that looked most like a kitchen and once again saw the sink that stood alone on the opposite wall. No stove, refrigerator or cupboards, no food or water were to be found.

I wiped my face and scoured the room; sure that he had left provisions for the day. A white plastic sack had been overlooked and sat randomly on the counter; five small bottles of warm water and 1 container of melted mango ice cream were the contents.

87 Comments Post a comment
  1. Painful reading, indeed

    Liked by 5 people

    August 24, 2017
  2. So difficult and pathetic Lynn! xoxoxo b-2

    Liked by 4 people

    August 24, 2017
  3. I just can’t imagine it, Lynn. How awful for you and the children to be in that situation. Your writing is riveting, as always. 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

    August 24, 2017
    • Thanks Diana! It seems unreal now. We spent the day not knowing what to do, no clean water and no food. We opened our boxes and had fruit snacks and juice boxes!

      Liked by 2 people

      August 24, 2017
      • I imagine this all brings up a lot of feelings for you. I hope it helps to write it out and to know how much love you have from your blogging buddies. ❤

        Liked by 2 people

        August 24, 2017
        • Thanks so much! I quit writing but that did not help with anxiety or dreams etc. so I am trying again! Hoping to write it and move forward. thanks so much xx

          Liked by 1 person

          August 24, 2017
  4. Excellent writing. I felt like I was right there with you experiencing that awful experience! So very sad. But I am so grateful you are out of all that now! XOXO

    Liked by 5 people

    August 24, 2017
  5. I share a little of your suffering Lynn, whenever I read of your hardships. Just a little tiny bit, because I could never truly know how much you had to endure whilst keeping positive for your children. I marvel, yet again, at what a brilliant job you’ve done of raising your loving family.

    Liked by 4 people

    August 24, 2017
    • Thanks so much Peter! I am sorry to hear of your suffering and thanks for sharing! xxx

      Like

      August 24, 2017
  6. koolaidmoms #

    I love your writing. It draws me in and I can see it in my mind exactly as you describe it. I know it is your life and what happens is so hard to read but it is beautifully written.

    Liked by 5 people

    August 24, 2017
    • Thanks for the compliment Marci! That means allot to me. I am trying to edit these old posts and put a book together with other parts as well. xxxx

      Like

      August 24, 2017
  7. When I read these installments I vacillate between anger and horror. As Diana said hard reading, good writing.

    Liked by 7 people

    August 24, 2017
  8. I am not as good a woman as you Lynz. I really hope he is suffering for his sins against you and the children. 💜

    Liked by 3 people

    August 24, 2017
  9. To not succumb to the magnitude of your horrible circumstances is such a testament to your strength as a human being Lynn. I hope you see that as you write of this time in your life.

    Liked by 5 people

    August 24, 2017
    • I am trying to trade guilt and shame for this realization! Thanks so much Lynn! Cxx

      Like

      August 24, 2017
  10. So painful to read and so easy to be ignited to anger. I am angry. That you should have been in this position and that others, probably many others, endure similar. What on earth is this place that we call a civilized world. I thank you, Lynn, as I have thanked you before for having the courage to write such raw, resonant words. I know it is hard. And I can’t imagine how hard. Xxx

    Liked by 6 people

    August 24, 2017
  11. It’s always so difficult to read these stories – but I’m also glad you can share them with us, as I can’t imagine how difficult it is to share them (much more difficult than it is to read them!).

    Liked by 5 people

    August 24, 2017
  12. Each step helps with the healing I think. Hard to imagine what you must have experienced. (K)

    Liked by 2 people

    August 24, 2017
  13. I am speechless. Such a painful experience.😍

    Liked by 4 people

    August 24, 2017
  14. Dear Lynn, your writing becomes better and better 🙂
    You have been so much more than just a good wife, this monster just need to hit his karma, which we can’t do much about.
    Send you love and healing thoughts ❤

    Liked by 4 people

    August 24, 2017
  15. Reading this makes me so angry Lynn !!! xxx

    Liked by 3 people

    August 24, 2017
  16. I always feel like I’m living the characters in your book except for your husband. Writing has always been good therapy for me even if it’s painful to get through. Feel yourself hugged.

    Liked by 5 people

    August 24, 2017
  17. Love reading your story, Lynn. It is hard and raw. But When I see your beautiful children and your grandsons, I am thankful that you were able to triumph through adversity. Hugs!

    Liked by 5 people

    August 24, 2017
  18. Even in the depth of abyss, I can feel your strength, Lynn. 🌟✨💫

    Liked by 5 people

    August 24, 2017
  19. I hope the writing eventually helps you get through it and heal. The writing is gripping, raw, and emotional.

    Hope today is a great day for you!

    Liked by 4 people

    August 24, 2017
  20. Amazing how you managed it to always find ways to motivate yourself in this “wrong movie” you must have found yourself in. As Gail said… your strength is felt clearly and it helped you through those terrible years!

    Liked by 1 person

    August 24, 2017
  21. Your writing is getting better and better, your almost dispassionate detachment within the story makes it all the more powerful. Like everyone here, I don’t know how you had the strength, other than drawing it from the needs of your children. They must have pulled you through a lot that might otherwise have sunk you. I too send you a virtual hug 💜

    Liked by 2 people

    August 24, 2017
    • Thank you very much. To be honest I dont know how either, but yes my children have pulled me through it all! They give me strength and hope. Thank you for reading xxx

      Liked by 1 person

      August 24, 2017
  22. Anonymous #

    I remember and always will the day you told me you were not going back ! We were at the lake and I was so happy after hearing that 😊

    Liked by 2 people

    August 24, 2017
  23. Diane #

    The anonymous is me your cuz Diane !!

    Liked by 1 person

    August 24, 2017
  24. Lynn, if you save one woman from a fate like this you will have made a major gift to society.
    Leslie

    Liked by 2 people

    August 24, 2017
  25. Difficult words for you to let out and write. You have a great amount of support here Lynn. xx

    Liked by 2 people

    August 24, 2017
  26. This is painfully sad. Always having to push your true feelings aside and feeling bad for them messes with your reality. This is very hard to fathom Lyn! Your writing took us right there. I don’t know how you survived this! Love and hugs to you!!!

    Liked by 2 people

    August 24, 2017
  27. This is painful to read, Lynn. I can’t imagine what you endured. Sending hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

    August 25, 2017
  28. You are an amazing human being, Lynz! Happy to hear there will be a book soon 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    August 25, 2017
  29. Excellent description of your bleak situation and the struggle you had with your thoughts between the real Lynn and the obedient wife. Powerful writing. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    August 25, 2017
  30. You’ve definitely overcome difficult challenges. Hopefully it becomes a little easier to write what’s happened in the past.

    Liked by 1 person

    August 28, 2017
  31. I really am liking the revisions…my hatred for your living situation you were in have been rekindled…I love this version…..oh my friend, I am sooooo happy you are in the US with all your children, and now beautiful grandbabies and a little girl on her way….couldn’t be happier for you…keep writing…..let it all out and feel the better for it….your are on of the most strongest woman I have met….one day we will share that hug ………..xxxxxxxx – your sister kat

    Like

    August 28, 2017
  32. Pss I love the new bog site…

    Liked by 1 person

    August 28, 2017

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