Afraid of flowers

I have not been around much lately. I miss you all and think about you often. 

Rocks clicked beneath my feet, each one a tiny reminder that I was alive, present and accounted for.  The vow to continue a steady pace without looking back would be broken numerous times, bringing shame and despair. Inspecting branches, grassy areas and fields that spilled out onto the trail were now part of the new walking routine. A carefree bush became a supposed breeding ground for squirrels, raccoons and insects, all a threat to my existence.

This was the path I had taken for the past 7 years and each turn was well known to me, but somehow things had morphed and danger lurked. A dog barked in the big blue house, he jumped frantically as if to warn of impending danger. I shuddered and contemplated returning home to relative solace and yet a lingering determination remained. I watched the road with great caution and anticipation, scanning both front and then back, breaking my promise to just walk.

I compelled myself to breathe, to take in the sprawling fields of green and brown dotted with red barns, grain silos and a single tractor. The sky was a pure blue, a painted backdrop to this scene of tranquility. A rush of warm and soft emotion prompted tears that lodged in the creases of tired eyes. Safety and assurance felt like melting snow that turned into soft green grass, the scent of lilacs and honeysuckle played in my mind pushing it to recall forgotten days. The lawn swing creaked as it joyfully rose to the sky, melted popsicles stained my lips a vivid orange.

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80 thoughts on “Afraid of flowers

  1. Keep walking, writing, and making images Lynn!
    I’m glad to know you’re hanging in there, and taking it one. step. at. a. time! Those little pebbles are the stepping stones to your stronger comeback! Sending good thoughts, and hugs your way! xxx

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Your path has been a tremendous Leap of faith dear Lynz.. and I know how ever many rocks you encounter, you have courage to stride purposely over them to a place of safety and sanctuary
    We missed you too..
    Love and Blessings..
    Take care of YOU
    Love Sue xxx ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh Sweet Lynn – what a heartfelt, touching post. You are such a gifted writer in expressing emotions – but I am so sorry you are feeling this anxiety and angst. Keep walking. Keep seeking the beauty and cherishing the special little moments. Hope your kids are all well and you are taking care of yourself. xo Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Lynn
    I understand how you feel, facing situations in my life right now. I think for a time, keeping the routine is good as advised above- it keeps your sanity and also tells you that at least somethings haven’t changed.
    I can’t advise any more as I am going through it myself but a big hug especially for you from me.
    Susie

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I am glad to see you back, Lynn. One step at time, my friend, and take time to smell the roses on the way. Walking and writing is good therapy so keep going. Your beautiful family loves you and we love you too. Sending oodles of hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Dearest Lynn. First, you are an amazing writer – I could feel how the anxiety was “taking over” the beautiful walk – but you didn’t let it – and you kept going!!! This earth life is hard – and I so appreciate your real disclosure – and I appreciate that your kids will know your honesty of feeling. I think we try to make the world seem “better” for our kids’ sake, but it truly is a struggle. I think for everybody. On some level. Hugs and love to you always, sweet Lynn! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Everything that’s been said already Lynn. We look forward to your posts no matter how few, or far between, they may be. Keep taking the photos, keep walking, keep telling us of your progress, and keep revelling in the support of your marvellous children. Hugs. 🤗

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I had the opportunity to re-visit the peaceful Catskills where I grew up and left for college in 1980. As we traversed and flew down the rolling hills, did I find peace? Things have changed so much as property has been sold, divided but the mountains remain: steadfast and strong as the family who raised me. My parents have passed away and my family is scattered but good memories remain. Somehow the difficult times have been forgotten. I hope you will remember the good times.

    Liked by 1 person

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