The visit-8

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I am back to working on the book. This is not part of the book but an exercise to keep me writing and blogging! Thanks for your support!

Lynn

The crescent moon kissed the sultry air over a dark Palouse sky, the loud roar of equipment could be heard throughout the neighborhood. A wave of frustration and a feeling that once again I had no control over my own life crashed around me. It was a school night and approaching 10 p.m. in our quiet residential area. This was the place we called home, keeping up our yard, making improvements, striving to be good members of this rural community.

I boldly called to him repeatedly but could not be heard over the chugging of a large digging apparatus that scooped up earth and rocks, depositing them into a truck. Tears stung my eyes as I stood near the stairs that lead to the vacant lot, calling until he finally looked my way. He nodded and waved turning back to the operator of the machinery making gestures that indicated the job was still not complete. My words had turned into clay, stone and dust, tumbling effortlessly into a predictable void.

He claimed that I was too concerned about other people, caring more about their boundaries and rights than his own. Years were spent weighing the benefit of utterances against the reality that what I said would most certainly be defied and vehemently opposed, placing me front and center to watch as his plan unfolded.  When I told the children to stay next to me and out of the street, he insisted that they walk away on their own and go as they pleased. If I told them something was dangerous, he encouraged them to complete their action. A tug of war ensued and I stepped in boldly only when the children’s safety was a concern.

Our lives had come full circle from a stifling and oppressive existence to a guarded freedom and now within one month back to a total lack of autonomy.  The sting of his hand on my back only days before still reverberated through our home and served as a reminder of the consequences for insubordination. A wave of anger washed over my body and forced me to raise my volume, calling his name until I had his full attention. For years I cowered as he reprimanded me for speaking out or communicating my opinion but now it could no longer be quieted with mere threats.

I looked at him and heard my voice bellow down the hill, STOP, IT IS TOO LATE STOP!

78 thoughts on “The visit-8”

    • Thanks Cindy! I second guess everything I do, I worry about what I say and how I raise the kids. I can now see why! If I told them not to do something, he was sure to insist they do it. I stood up for my kids and protected them the best I could. So, I do feel good about that, I tried xo

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  2. You have done all your best, for all of you Lynn. Also for the monster in much too many years…
    I really hope for you, that you will find the needed peace and never will be disturbed again, so you will be able to live your own life in peace, which you so absolutely need after the years with the monster.
    You have been both very loving and also very brave, otherwise you would not have survived your nightmare for so many years.
    Send you big hugs, dear sister and wishes for peace for all of your beautiful family ❤

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  11. Good girl…I was wondering when she was going to come out….keep writing let this out…..it has to be healthy, not only for you but as a family…..of course it not included….keep standing tall….and never stop smiling….see this summer….xxxxx…..xxxxxx…..xxxxxx kat

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  20. Coming over from the Senior Salon. Great writing, Lynn. I guess when we write from the heart and from experience it is the best way to write. Hard words to read but harder to live if this was a true incident.

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  21. Hi Lynn, glad to see that your back to writing! You are indeed a strong person and I believe with a beautiful soul which he tried to crush but in the end he is the one who lost as you have the love and support of family and friends….big hugs to you💕

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  24. Lynz, my heart goes out to you…I’m so glad you found the strength to leave and you are all safe now. This is so well-written, from the heart and taking me along with your pain until your final words!

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  26. Lyn, you say this is an exercise. In that vein, may I offer some critical feedback? (Which, btw, I am always hoping for with the story on my blog because I know we all get too caught up in our own words to see other ways to move them around 🙂

    I love, love, love your opening line. It provides a location, but so much more in mood and evocative words like “crescent” and “sultry” that cast my mind eastward.

    Have you thought of rephrasing this: The chugging of a large digging apparatus that scooped earth and rocks and dumped them into a truck drowned out my calls to to him.

    My words were clay, stone and dust, tumbling effortlessly into a predictable void. (I love this, btw, just feel it could be stronger :-).

    Years went into weighing the benefit of my utterances against the reality that whatever I said would be vehemently opposed, rendering me the helpless audience as his plan unfolded.

    The sting of his hand on my back only days before still reverberated through our home, a reminder of the consequences for insubordination.

    For years I had cowered as he reprimanded me for speaking out, for communicating my opinion, but now I could no longer be quieted with mere threats.

    I so love your story and applaud your determination to confront everything that it takes to tell it. Keep at it!

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  30. As I “liked” my way down the comments, I realize that all I can really add is DITTO! Keep writing – and keep sharing your excerpts and out-takes on the Senior Salon.
    xx,
    mgh
    (Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMORE dot com)
    ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder
    “It takes a village to transform a world!”

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  31. The camel’s back can only take so many straws. The one too many looms, I think. Keep going my dear friend …. your telling of this fearful story is gripping. I send you love xxx

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  32. I am still shaking my head. He was determined always to undermine you, no matter what you said even if it were for the children’s safety..It almost sounds as if it was done out of spite, to let everyone know ‘who was boss’.
    Good for you that you kept on bellowing….there comes a time where you have to stamp you feet and say dammit, I am going to be heard and I do not care about the consequences !

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