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The visit-2

This is the story of when he was last here (May 2015). I will write what I am able to here and there. This visit was followed by starting a blog and meeting all of you wonderful, supportive friends. It also started a wave of anxiety and panic that I have been trying to recover from for the past year. Thank you for your support and caring! 

 

The visit part 2

Flying down the hall felt surreal, a swift reminder of why I had made few attempts at standing tall, holding dearly to the parts of me that still remained. Years spent groveling, kowtowing and doing whatever was needed to keep this turbulent storm under control had now spiraled into an unstoppable rage.

My cheek had narrowly missed clipping the bedroom door as I tripped and stumbled aimlessly down the hall. His hand grabbed my shirt again and forcefully threw me further into chaos. The warm and gentle brown eyes that had left an indelible mark on my heart, were now blank, cold and formidable. It was a look I had learned to fear, biting my lip and scratching pieces of ragged skin on my cheek had become the only way to stop unwanted tears that mockingly fell to the floor.

Bits and pieces of fear, strength and panic coursed through my mind as I gathered myself, preparing for reality to meet fiction in one swift moment. I ran haphazardly trying to keep my feet steady on the floor, feeling the fury that followed close behind and knowing that the moment had finally come. Years of anxiety and terror had now come to a conclusion and all at once my heart felt as if it would sink and I would give up, crumbling into the person he had ascribed to me.

As I toppled into the living room a strong determined voice called out, a young thin figure, wet hair dripping onto the floor stood before me. She raised her voice and shouted boldly, years of being told to stand, wait and silently watch now discharged into words, “What are you doing!! STOP!

 

 

122 Comments Post a comment
  1. Who was it, Lynn ?
    Susie

    Like

    February 15, 2017
  2. Yes, it was difficult for you dear friend…A maniac for sure-no an idiot! xoxoxoxo b-2

    Liked by 2 people

    February 15, 2017
  3. It is incredible that he could even come here, to the states, to your native land, and continue his assault. My heart raced as I read this. Was it your daughter? The thin figure with wet hair?

    Liked by 2 people

    February 15, 2017
  4. He only gave you 9 amazing gifts, the rest was poison Lynn. I hope, that you are figuring out, how to do now, as we talked about by mail. Remember, that you are always welcome to write, if you feel like, dear friend ❤

    Liked by 4 people

    February 15, 2017
  5. Oh thank god for your brace daughter! Oh Lynn. You are so loved. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    February 15, 2017
  6. The strength of your children is down to the strength in you but the thing is that you have had to give every ounce to surviving the ordeal, to escaping and then to having to face the demon once more that you need a little help from those who you raised with those strong loving arms. Your anxiety is a direct result of the treatment you received and it is your bitter legacy but it will dissipate, it will pass with the strength your children learned from you being passed back, dripped into your veins. You will get through all of this with the help of your tribe of amazing children to whom you have been an amazing mother. Hugs to you my dear friend, hugs and warmth and respect that you are finding the strength to write this. You are exceptional. Xxx

    Liked by 3 people

    February 15, 2017
  7. I was about to share this and stopped. It’s deeply person and I wish you and yours the best! Jason

    Liked by 1 person

    February 15, 2017
    • Thanks so much! You are welcome to share it is an important message! Thanks Jason!

      Liked by 1 person

      February 15, 2017
    • Jason, After seeing this note from you and Lynn’s reply, I jumped the gate and have reblogged. Having been through a similar situation in the past, I know how important it is for others to be aware.

      Liked by 3 people

      February 20, 2017
  8. Reblogged this on HarsH ReaLiTy and commented:
    Some real blogging going on. Some real sharing. -OM
    Note: Comments disabled here. Please visit their blog.

    Liked by 2 people

    February 15, 2017
  9. skd #

    You are strong. You are strong. You are strong.

    Liked by 1 person

    February 15, 2017
  10. Praise be for your daughter. Oh me, oh my. I do so hope you have a restraining order (or whatever they call it in the States) on him.x

    Liked by 1 person

    February 15, 2017
  11. blooming shadow #

    Your daughter was/is strong because of you. She didn’t develop her personality in a vacuum, she watched you! AND her father. I suspect your strength was merely preoccupied with keeping the peace and protecting your children? Anyway, we all need to be reminded of who we really are by those who love us.

    Liked by 2 people

    February 15, 2017
  12. This is terrifying. I’m so glad your children were able to help you make this needed break. Even when you know what needs to be done, it’s not easy. Thank you for sharing your story with us! xxoo (K)

    Liked by 1 person

    February 15, 2017
  13. Your writing always draws me in. Having been with someone with similar traits, I feel for you and your children for having to endure this for so long. It’s wonderful that you were able to escape and make a new and wonderful life for yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

    February 15, 2017
  14. This gives me chills. So glad you have found your voice.

    Liked by 1 person

    February 15, 2017
  15. Your daughter as reinforcement…wonderful ! It’s hard to read, but your story must be helping others, Lynn. Proud of you.

    Liked by 1 person

    February 15, 2017
  16. We are like the Phoenixes that rise from the ashes. You have done this and flew away well nearly but I think it is a lot better for you. He sounds like a psychopath. Be well my friend

    Liked by 1 person

    February 15, 2017
  17. Dear Lynz I cannot express the fear and pain reading this brings to mind. Thank God your daughter has got the guts to stand up to that man. She has learned her strength of character from your example. All the years she has seen your inner strength and fortitude has truly taught her well. She can see what a coward and nasty person he is. If you ever need support please email me , even if I can just listen or sympathise with you. Love and hugs willow. xxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    February 15, 2017
  18. This is terrifying

    Liked by 1 person

    February 15, 2017
  19. He could not trick anyone anymore. Even the kids showed him their horns. Their attitude weakened all his power which was only a way of covering his own frustrations and insecurities. I am sorry, it was you who had to bear this all!

    Liked by 1 person

    February 15, 2017
  20. I am so glad the medication is helping with your anxiety Lynn. You know we are always here for you, whether you want to continue sharing your experiences or just your lovely landscapes and cutie twin photos! xo

    Liked by 1 person

    February 15, 2017
  21. annjekins #

    Reblogged this on Out crawls Ann.. and commented:
    I felt this needed to be reblogged.. no abuse is acceptable ever.. check out her blog http://lynzrealcooking.com

    Liked by 2 people

    February 15, 2017
  22. You gave your children strength and, most fittingly, they gave that strength back to you. Bless your daughter for showing her strength when it was needed most. Here’s hoping that every day is a little better for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    February 15, 2017
  23. You never cease to amaze me!!

    Liked by 1 person

    February 15, 2017
  24. Oh Lyn! If he can still come back at any time, how could you not be filled with panic and anxiety! Thank God for your daughter and all of your children. This was so striking to read. I held my breath and my heart skipped a beat for you! You are amazing!

    Liked by 1 person

    February 15, 2017
  25. Very powerful writing Lyn. My heart goes out to you.

    Liked by 1 person

    February 15, 2017
  26. Painful, powerful, writing. Good for the little figure in front of you.

    Liked by 1 person

    February 16, 2017
  27. Continue to heal, Lynn. We’re all behind you.

    Liked by 1 person

    February 16, 2017
  28. I so wanted to know what happened after reading the previous post. I am glad your daughter showed up. She was really brave. I pray for you to heal and overcome your anxiety and fear. May you experience peace and love. Stay strong.

    Liked by 1 person

    February 16, 2017
  29. Tears are thick in my eyes. You’ve been through too much, dear Lynn. All I can do is give you a virtual (((HUGS))) and pray that your anxiety abates and this man leaves you alone. Bless you for being so brave as well as your children!!! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    February 16, 2017
  30. How frightening! Lynn, I am sooo glad you are out of that abusive relationship!!

    Liked by 1 person

    February 16, 2017
  31. Such a brave girl!

    You’re in our thoughts here – I’m glad you are feeling up to getting the story written down again. It’s your own bravery showing though!

    Liked by 1 person

    February 16, 2017
  32. Each time I read your story mama Lynn, I never cease to be amazed at how strong you are.

    Liked by 1 person

    February 16, 2017
  33. Thank goodness for your daughter. How terrifying Lynn! Thank God for your children and parents.

    Liked by 1 person

    February 16, 2017
  34. Wow Lynz! Thanks for sharing. It is through our shared pasts that we can encourage each other.

    Liked by 1 person

    February 16, 2017
  35. BRAVO LYNN ! I love your fierce voice speaking out your own truth. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    February 16, 2017
  36. This must have been something else for you to write, recalling such a violent time. You’ve certainly come a long way. Keep getting stronger.

    Liked by 1 person

    February 16, 2017
  37. It takes courage to even put this down. I hope this strength continues and keeps your family together and safe. And I hope you never have to test that strength again!

    Liked by 1 person

    February 17, 2017
  38. Fierce, forceful writing, Lynz- almost shaking reading this. The blessing of your daughter being home. I just hope you’re safe and recovering from this visit.

    Liked by 1 person

    February 17, 2017
  39. As tears roll down my cheeks….I could feel the fear and anxiety climbing…..sounds terrible but all I could thing of was pull out the big knife and make him stop…..then there it was….out of the mouth of babes…….never, ever be alone with him again…..if he shows up unexpectedly, get out and away…..xxxxxxxxxxxxxkat

    Liked by 1 person

    February 18, 2017
    • Yes I surely will leave! My son graduates from college in May! He came for Foof’s graduation so tension is in the air. Love you sister and thanks xxx

      Liked by 1 person

      February 18, 2017
  40. Oh the memories….and you are not alone….how many women are living in this same nightmare. May God give you strength to continue your journey of healing!!!!
    And always remember what a blessing are the nine children and now the grandchildren you have!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    February 18, 2017
  41. So many feelings as I read this. You Lynz are a survivor and your story will help others find the strength to come out on the other side.

    Liked by 2 people

    February 18, 2017
    • Thanks Steph! Do you think still experiencing anxiety is normal?

      Liked by 2 people

      February 20, 2017
      • I would think so after so many years of such extreme abuse. And part of me thinks you never fully recover from such an experience. While the physical scars heal the psychological and emotional one are another story.

        Liked by 1 person

        February 20, 2017
  42. My situation was different because thankfully I did not have any children by my second husband. When I left it was for good and other than the handful of times when he tried to make contact I never laid eyes on him again. It’s been over 25 years and my stomach gets tied up in knots thinking about it.

    Liked by 2 people

    February 20, 2017
    • Thanks for sharing dear! I am trying to move forward but it’s hard. I do still worry that he will show up. My son is graduating from college in May and so I am hoping he does not come!

      Liked by 1 person

      February 20, 2017
      • I hope not as well. Though given his history it might be prudent to have a contingency plan in place so that you aren’t ever alone with him.

        Liked by 1 person

        February 20, 2017
        • I will file for divorce if he says he is coming!

          Liked by 2 people

          February 20, 2017
          • You don’t think he would come and not announce himself do you? I’m scared for you.

            Liked by 2 people

            February 21, 2017
          • I think that is my anxiety issue! I dont think he would but that is always on my mind

            Liked by 2 people

            February 21, 2017
          • I’ll be praying first and foremost for your safety, that you can find some peace of mind and that he won’t ever darken your doorstep again.

            Liked by 2 people

            February 21, 2017
  43. God is so good! I’m so glad your daughter was there to call him out on his abuse and cruelty! She is a brave woman!! And only because you raised her that way!! You have so many talents, and gifts! Those 9 precious children of yours are worth more than gold! And your 2 grandsons are treasures indeed!!

    Liked by 1 person

    February 20, 2017
  44. Reblogged this on and commented:
    I felt the need to share this because I lived through a similar experience and because sometimes knowing the bad that happens to others can save us at some point. I want to applaud you, Lynn, for your courage getting through that and for sharing it here.

    Liked by 3 people

    February 20, 2017
  45. Oh my! This made my eyes smart with tears for you Lynz. Thank goodness for your brave daughter. So sad that you have had to endure such an experience. It is very brave of you to share it all here on your blog, I truly admire you. No doubt it will help other women who are going through similar experiences.

    Liked by 2 people

    February 23, 2017
  46. I think that if he dared to return he would have a large percentage of 1,871 people to answer to! Hugs coming your way Lynn. (((())))

    Liked by 1 person

    March 1, 2017

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