The visit-2

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This is the story of when he was last here (May 2015). I will write what I am able to here and there. This visit was followed by starting a blog and meeting all of you wonderful, supportive friends. It also started a wave of anxiety and panic that I have been trying to recover from for the past year. Thank you for your support and caring! 

 

The visit part 2

Flying down the hall felt surreal, a swift reminder of why I had made few attempts at standing tall, holding dearly to the parts of me that still remained. Years spent groveling, kowtowing and doing whatever was needed to keep this turbulent storm under control had now spiraled into an unstoppable rage.

My cheek had narrowly missed clipping the bedroom door as I tripped and stumbled aimlessly down the hall. His hand grabbed my shirt again and forcefully threw me further into chaos. The warm and gentle brown eyes that had left an indelible mark on my heart, were now blank, cold and formidable. It was a look I had learned to fear, biting my lip and scratching pieces of ragged skin on my cheek had become the only way to stop unwanted tears that mockingly fell to the floor.

Bits and pieces of fear, strength and panic coursed through my mind as I gathered myself, preparing for reality to meet fiction in one swift moment. I ran haphazardly trying to keep my feet steady on the floor, feeling the fury that followed close behind and knowing that the moment had finally come. Years of anxiety and terror had now come to a conclusion and all at once my heart felt as if it would sink and I would give up, crumbling into the person he had ascribed to me.

As I toppled into the living room a strong determined voice called out, a young thin figure, wet hair dripping onto the floor stood before me. She raised her voice and shouted boldly, years of being told to stand, wait and silently watch now discharged into words, “What are you doing!! STOP!

 

 

122 thoughts on “The visit-2”

  6. The strength of your children is down to the strength in you but the thing is that you have had to give every ounce to surviving the ordeal, to escaping and then to having to face the demon once more that you need a little help from those who you raised with those strong loving arms. Your anxiety is a direct result of the treatment you received and it is your bitter legacy but it will dissipate, it will pass with the strength your children learned from you being passed back, dripped into your veins. You will get through all of this with the help of your tribe of amazing children to whom you have been an amazing mother. Hugs to you my dear friend, hugs and warmth and respect that you are finding the strength to write this. You are exceptional. Xxx

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  11. Your daughter was/is strong because of you. She didn’t develop her personality in a vacuum, she watched you! AND her father. I suspect your strength was merely preoccupied with keeping the peace and protecting your children? Anyway, we all need to be reminded of who we really are by those who love us.

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  12. This is terrifying. I’m so glad your children were able to help you make this needed break. Even when you know what needs to be done, it’s not easy. Thank you for sharing your story with us! xxoo (K)

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  13. Your writing always draws me in. Having been with someone with similar traits, I feel for you and your children for having to endure this for so long. It’s wonderful that you were able to escape and make a new and wonderful life for yourself.

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  17. Dear Lynz I cannot express the fear and pain reading this brings to mind. Thank God your daughter has got the guts to stand up to that man. She has learned her strength of character from your example. All the years she has seen your inner strength and fortitude has truly taught her well. She can see what a coward and nasty person he is. If you ever need support please email me , even if I can just listen or sympathise with you. Love and hugs willow. xxxxx

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  19. He could not trick anyone anymore. Even the kids showed him their horns. Their attitude weakened all his power which was only a way of covering his own frustrations and insecurities. I am sorry, it was you who had to bear this all!

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  22. You gave your children strength and, most fittingly, they gave that strength back to you. Bless your daughter for showing her strength when it was needed most. Here’s hoping that every day is a little better for you.

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  24. Oh Lyn! If he can still come back at any time, how could you not be filled with panic and anxiety! Thank God for your daughter and all of your children. This was so striking to read. I held my breath and my heart skipped a beat for you! You are amazing!

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  28. I so wanted to know what happened after reading the previous post. I am glad your daughter showed up. She was really brave. I pray for you to heal and overcome your anxiety and fear. May you experience peace and love. Stay strong.

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  29. Tears are thick in my eyes. You’ve been through too much, dear Lynn. All I can do is give you a virtual (((HUGS))) and pray that your anxiety abates and this man leaves you alone. Bless you for being so brave as well as your children!!! ❤

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  39. As tears roll down my cheeks….I could feel the fear and anxiety climbing…..sounds terrible but all I could thing of was pull out the big knife and make him stop…..then there it was….out of the mouth of babes…….never, ever be alone with him again…..if he shows up unexpectedly, get out and away…..xxxxxxxxxxxxxkat

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  40. Oh the memories….and you are not alone….how many women are living in this same nightmare. May God give you strength to continue your journey of healing!!!!
    And always remember what a blessing are the nine children and now the grandchildren you have!!!

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  42. My situation was different because thankfully I did not have any children by my second husband. When I left it was for good and other than the handful of times when he tried to make contact I never laid eyes on him again. It’s been over 25 years and my stomach gets tied up in knots thinking about it.

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  43. God is so good! I’m so glad your daughter was there to call him out on his abuse and cruelty! She is a brave woman!! And only because you raised her that way!! You have so many talents, and gifts! Those 9 precious children of yours are worth more than gold! And your 2 grandsons are treasures indeed!!

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  44. Reblogged this on and commented:
    I felt the need to share this because I lived through a similar experience and because sometimes knowing the bad that happens to others can save us at some point. I want to applaud you, Lynn, for your courage getting through that and for sharing it here.

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  45. Oh my! This made my eyes smart with tears for you Lynz. Thank goodness for your brave daughter. So sad that you have had to endure such an experience. It is very brave of you to share it all here on your blog, I truly admire you. No doubt it will help other women who are going through similar experiences.

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