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Click–True life story

I shut the door and quietly clicked the lock into place, covertly listening for little voices as I moved closer to his bed. He sat upright running his hands over the stubble that marked his balding head. A heavy sigh exited his mouth, he managed a sideways grin as if to say he understood that crazy was now where we resided. He didn’t know how much more he could take of my insolence and rebellion, how to rectify this situation or how to fix my broken and deteriorating condition. I stood before him in a shambles, picking nervously at the jagged skin that now marked my face and hands. I felt that I could no longer remain erect, waves of sick and debilitating weakness made my legs sway and twitch.

Giggles and nervous footsteps made their way past the door, stopping momentarily before moving forward.  I gathered myself together once again and placed my feet firmly on the marble floor. I had struggled for several years now, fighting off rebellion that had been fueled by ugly realization and awareness. My existence had become a regimen of locking, checking, monitoring and daily inquisitions.  I questioned each and every movement, making sure that a small pan had not been placed on a large burner, all legs of the couch were either on the rug or off, curtains were drawn and secured at nightfall and that I was always at the ready, waiting to serve. Old worn work pants hung around my waist, laced with blotches of bleach and cleaners, a tattered shirt that served as pajamas and day time attire was stained with sweat and grime, no frills allowed. I inched my way closer to him as tears fell, at first softly and then in waves of indignant humiliation, hoping to purchase another day of peace and freedom.

140 Comments Post a comment
  1. Oh, Lynn, I have goosebumps…

    Liked by 1 person

    October 14, 2016
  2. I need more than this to quench my thirst! Please, continue!!

    Liked by 1 person

    October 14, 2016
  3. This just breaks my heart. I feel so much joy that you have gotten away from him!

    Liked by 3 people

    October 14, 2016
  4. Sev #

    😦

    Liked by 1 person

    October 14, 2016
  5. Alice #

    Keep writing!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    October 14, 2016
  6. omtatjuan3 #

    Sounds like a living nightmare

    Like

    October 14, 2016
  7. My father was an evil man, it took years for my mom to leave him. She was terrified him. Actually, we were all terrified. It takes great strength and courage to leave a situation like that. I admire you for being able to do it.

    Liked by 2 people

    October 14, 2016
    • Thanks for sharing Lynn. I am still suffering from panic and anxiety so hearing about others does help! Yes terrified still

      Liked by 2 people

      October 14, 2016
  8. To systematically drain the life from another person til all that remains is a husk and a tiny voice locked away that reminds the person of who they are. To do that is true abuse. This is powerful writing, Lynn – your voice is gathering pace xx

    Liked by 3 people

    October 14, 2016
  9. heart-wrenching sigh………. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    October 14, 2016
  10. Wow, your writing is amazing Lynn and your words are powerful.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 14, 2016
  11. Oh gosh…my situation wasn’t as dire as yours…but I do remember those trade offs…..makes my skin crawl actually…………keep sharing Lynn. As you do, I hope your feeling lighter…💛

    Liked by 1 person

    October 14, 2016
  12. A powerful write and I was there feeling myself on the edge of a pin cushion Enduring that for years must have been utterly awful.

    Liked by 2 people

    October 14, 2016
    • Thank you so much Joseph! I have missed you. How are you? Xxxx

      Liked by 2 people

      October 14, 2016
      • I’m doing fine and I miss you as well. I am busy putting writings on the computer….there is so much and I will try to publish it posthumously. Then there is all my writing at the moment as well. I have been canning for a week straight and no relief in the future. People keep giving me stuff and I am finding really good deals at the market. I hope you are well. Love your stories. How is the book going?

        Liked by 2 people

        October 14, 2016
        • So glad you are doing well dear friend. Sounds like you are so busy! I am doing pretty good and the book is ok. I am lacking direction and trying to sort through it. Thanks so much for caring xxx

          Liked by 2 people

          October 14, 2016
  13. Bless your heart…for all that you’ve endured!

    Liked by 2 people

    October 14, 2016
  14. Lynn, when you write of this part of your life, your words leap off of the page, weaving a heartbreaking tale that needs to be told. Such courage you have to have left this horrible life.

    Liked by 2 people

    October 14, 2016
    • Thank you so much Lynn. The last time I saw him was 15 months ago and it seems like it was last month. I hope I can offer hope to others and support. This will help me xxx

      Liked by 1 person

      October 14, 2016
      • I hope that sharing your story offers you healing & the realization of how strong of a person you are to leave this life. I have no doubt it will speak to others who feel trapped in abusive situations & hopefully offer them hope & courage to make the necessary steps to take action.

        Liked by 1 person

        October 15, 2016
  15. Lynn, let us hope your story will help other young women in a similar situation. I don’t know how you survived that.
    Leslie

    Liked by 3 people

    October 14, 2016
  16. Absolutely a controlling, miserable existence with an IDIOT! xoxoxo b-2

    Liked by 2 people

    October 14, 2016
  17. Oh my stomach dropped and I flavour suffering! WhAt gripping and emotional writing!

    Liked by 3 people

    October 14, 2016
    • Thanks so much Deborah, I didn’t want to bring this part of life up, but I will try in my book. It was probably one of the most devastating parts of the abuse cycle.

      Liked by 2 people

      October 14, 2016
  18. You are able to make us look through your eyes; Lynn. And what they see is only heartbreaking!

    Liked by 2 people

    October 14, 2016
    • Thank you for caring. It is hard to admit these simple facts and they are still part of me xxxxxxxx your a dear friend

      Liked by 2 people

      October 14, 2016
      • I totally understand that. When I started writing a draft for a post, while writing I came across your story. I did not mention a name but the people who know you might figure out that it is about you. Would you be ok with me posting that once as a Monday post?

        Liked by 1 person

        October 15, 2016
  19. I hate this it is so painful!

    Liked by 2 people

    October 14, 2016
  20. No words 😥

    Liked by 2 people

    October 14, 2016
  21. JC #

    You have us all spellbound …

    Liked by 2 people

    October 14, 2016
  22. Abuse is crazy-making, Lynn. It’s impossible to endure and not begin to deconstruct. Intense writing, my friend. I’m so grateful that something inside you eventually broke free. ❤

    Liked by 3 people

    October 14, 2016
  23. This is a true life horror story. I’m so sorry you had to endure this. But I admire that you did endure.

    Liked by 2 people

    October 14, 2016
  24. Oh, my G*d – the pain, and the torture of it all. I hear it and feel it in your words.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 14, 2016
  25. You were treated like a prisoner and it breaks my heart. Thank heaven you got out!

    Liked by 2 people

    October 14, 2016
  26. Oh Lyn, this makes me want to cry! Your writing is so real and authentic and palpable! Have you ever read anything about the effects of being married to a psychopath?

    Liked by 2 people

    October 14, 2016
  27. I am so, so sorry you have gone through all that you describe (and all that you have yet to disclose). My hope and prayer is for healing of your heart and soul. I am sorry, friend 😦

    Liked by 2 people

    October 14, 2016
    • Thank you Cathy. It is a long road that I hope to be able to relay to others who face similar life circumstances. Xxxxxx

      Liked by 1 person

      October 14, 2016
  28. Your post made me walk down memory lane too. It was terrible and I feel good for you, that you now are able to get some of it out through your writing.
    That monster has destroyed so much of your life, you need to find a way out of that control, otherwise you allow him to continue to rule your life, dear Lynn. He does not deserve that.
    Do you have any possibility to join any kind of therapy? I know, that cognitive therapy taught me to go on and live my own life and to release a big part of the past.
    Other good ways to help yourself can be through meditation and yoga. Both help us to release, whatever is not serving us any longer.
    Big hugs to you, dear friend ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    October 14, 2016
  29. Lynn, whenever I know a post is of the past, and to do with him, I almost freeze. I know it’s going to be awful.
    Whenever I read stuff like this, I hurt so bad inside for you!
    It makes me admire your strength and courage so much!!

    Liked by 1 person

    October 14, 2016
  30. Horrific

    Liked by 1 person

    October 15, 2016
  31. Wow, can’t say more. You are so brave.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 15, 2016
  32. No one has to live an abusive life. I am glad you’re OK now and I wish you all the best, dear Lynz ❤
    Have an awesome weekend!

    Liked by 1 person

    October 15, 2016
  33. Lyn you give voice to the tragedy that is life for so many women.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 15, 2016
  34. Oh my, Lynne. No one deserves that kind of treatment.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 15, 2016
  35. I can’t even…. Hugs!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    October 15, 2016
  36. Lynn, I’m sorry you had to live through such terrible humiliation – but you did. You are a survivor. Well written story. You have a beautiful gift. ooxx

    Liked by 1 person

    October 15, 2016
  37. I had goosebumps after reading this! Hugs, Lynn 🙂

    Like

    October 15, 2016
  38. Oh Lynn, I feel so bad you went through this. What a release, to write it down!

    Liked by 1 person

    October 16, 2016
  39. This is one of your strongest pieces! Visceral. It screams of pain, fear, and disappointment.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 16, 2016
  40. Oh my friend….I am sooooo happy the pictures above this story is of a beautiful, healthy grandmother holding her 2 beautiful grandsons, in a peaceful life that you are in complete control of…. what a change from where you were to now….sooooo happy that you got out….to me when I read these snippets of your life is like I am ready about another woman, not the one in front of me……love you sister….and my oh my those boys are growing fast….they will be walking around the furniture soon….hope the parents are getting rest….they are soooo cute!!! .all my heart to you…..xxkat

    Like

    October 16, 2016
  41. Still it hurts!

    Liked by 1 person

    October 16, 2016
  42. Humiliation and abasement piled upon humiliation and abasement. So glad to know when I read this that it is over.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 16, 2016
  43. So glad you escaped from this abusive relationship. Often women make the worst choices when they are young and in love. 😦

    Like

    October 19, 2016
  44. Oh my… this is powerful writing Lynn! Pls keep going. Big hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

    October 19, 2016
  45. We’ll-written. I’d rather hit the “sad” button, not like! But then look at your beautiful life now, your gorgeous daughter and grand mom to twin boys!!! Just to mention a few rewards you now have!

    Like

    October 24, 2016
  46. Reliving this must be torture Lynn. How are you managing. Reading about your life with him, is pure hell …xxx

    Like

    October 24, 2016
    • Thanks for reading lynne. I am o.k. trying to find a therapy that fits with me. xxxxx thanks for caring

      Like

      October 24, 2016
  47. Just heartbreaking. How can one have any self esteem in a situation like that? 😦

    Like

    October 24, 2016

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