Click–True life story

I shut the door and quietly clicked the lock into place, covertly listening for little voices as I moved closer to his bed. He sat upright running his hands over the stubble that marked his balding head. A heavy sigh exited his mouth, he managed a sideways grin as if to say he understood that crazy was now where we resided. He didn’t know how much more he could take of my insolence and rebellion, how to rectify this situation or how to fix my broken and deteriorating condition. I stood before him in a shambles, picking nervously at the jagged skin that now marked my face and hands. I felt that I could no longer remain erect, waves of sick and debilitating weakness made my legs sway and twitch.

Giggles and nervous footsteps made their way past the door, stopping momentarily before moving forward.  I gathered myself together once again and placed my feet firmly on the marble floor. I had struggled for several years now, fighting off rebellion that had been fueled by ugly realization and awareness. My existence had become a regimen of locking, checking, monitoring and daily inquisitions.  I questioned each and every movement, making sure that a small pan had not been placed on a large burner, all legs of the couch were either on the rug or off, curtains were drawn and secured at nightfall and that I was always at the ready, waiting to serve. Old worn work pants hung around my waist, laced with blotches of bleach and cleaners, a tattered shirt that served as pajamas and day time attire was stained with sweat and grime, no frills allowed. I inched my way closer to him as tears fell, at first softly and then in waves of indignant humiliation, hoping to purchase another day of peace and freedom.

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140 thoughts on “Click–True life story

  1. My father was an evil man, it took years for my mom to leave him. She was terrified him. Actually, we were all terrified. It takes great strength and courage to leave a situation like that. I admire you for being able to do it.

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  2. To systematically drain the life from another person til all that remains is a husk and a tiny voice locked away that reminds the person of who they are. To do that is true abuse. This is powerful writing, Lynn – your voice is gathering pace xx

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      1. I’m doing fine and I miss you as well. I am busy putting writings on the computer….there is so much and I will try to publish it posthumously. Then there is all my writing at the moment as well. I have been canning for a week straight and no relief in the future. People keep giving me stuff and I am finding really good deals at the market. I hope you are well. Love your stories. How is the book going?

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  3. Lynn, when you write of this part of your life, your words leap off of the page, weaving a heartbreaking tale that needs to be told. Such courage you have to have left this horrible life.

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      1. I hope that sharing your story offers you healing & the realization of how strong of a person you are to leave this life. I have no doubt it will speak to others who feel trapped in abusive situations & hopefully offer them hope & courage to make the necessary steps to take action.

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      1. I totally understand that. When I started writing a draft for a post, while writing I came across your story. I did not mention a name but the people who know you might figure out that it is about you. Would you be ok with me posting that once as a Monday post?

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      1. Thanks so much! I still feel I can’t let that warrior go haha. So hoping I can heal and feel safe. Your support is much appreciated and I love your drawings and words. Your blog speaks to me Colleen! xxI want to order your book!

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      2. Thank you Lyn! You don’t have to let that warrior go. Never if you don’t want to. Or if you want to, when you’re good and ready.

        🙂

        And thanks for wanting my book. I can leave a link ‘here’. But I don’t want to presume I should. Or you can go to the bottom of any of my blog posts and the link is there. And thank you. That means a great deal to me. ❤

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      1. I have just started this week reading some online articles that I could share with you. Is there a way to email you, or would you like me to share them through your comments?

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      2. I will gather some infornation for you and email it tomorrow. As well as some ways to help during a trigger or panic attack that I just learned on Wednesday from a new therapist. Hugs Lyn!!!

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  4. Your post made me walk down memory lane too. It was terrible and I feel good for you, that you now are able to get some of it out through your writing.
    That monster has destroyed so much of your life, you need to find a way out of that control, otherwise you allow him to continue to rule your life, dear Lynn. He does not deserve that.
    Do you have any possibility to join any kind of therapy? I know, that cognitive therapy taught me to go on and live my own life and to release a big part of the past.
    Other good ways to help yourself can be through meditation and yoga. Both help us to release, whatever is not serving us any longer.
    Big hugs to you, dear friend ❤

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  5. Oh my friend….I am sooooo happy the pictures above this story is of a beautiful, healthy grandmother holding her 2 beautiful grandsons, in a peaceful life that you are in complete control of…. what a change from where you were to now….sooooo happy that you got out….to me when I read these snippets of your life is like I am ready about another woman, not the one in front of me……love you sister….and my oh my those boys are growing fast….they will be walking around the furniture soon….hope the parents are getting rest….they are soooo cute!!! .all my heart to you…..xxkat

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  6. We’ll-written. I’d rather hit the “sad” button, not like! But then look at your beautiful life now, your gorgeous daughter and grand mom to twin boys!!! Just to mention a few rewards you now have!

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