No words could be formed,nor could any make their way past her lips. She simply stood motionless, gripping two plastic bags that now threatened to expose items she had haphazardly thrown onto the grocery store counter and then into plastic sacks. A new era was about to unfold, one that would hurl them even further into the alternate reality where they had sunken deeper with each passing year. It had been three grueling days of heat and sheer boredom for 8 children and their weary mother, sitting in a hotel room waiting for the evening meal to be purchased and delivered. Hours were spent looking out the window, listening to engaging clatter from the street below. Workers sold colorful scarves, books and toys, women and men heeded the call to prayer and walked towards the holy mosque. He lay sleeping in the second room, napping throughout the day, waking only to use the restroom, walk to prayer and issue reminders that this trip was for worship, not frivolous play.
The 7 hour trip was spent speeding through the desert, from Riyadh to Medina, stopping at bathrooms only when necessity warranted. Feces, soiled diapers and urine lined the stalls, each of the children entered and then made a hasty retreat back to the car, unable to use the facilities. Desert tents, camels and an occasional shrub caught her eye as the vehicle followed a path to the holy city of Medina. A warm anticipation filled her heart and soul as they traveled on this sacred path. But now she stood, staring into the crowd, a booming voice broke through the click clack of ship ships (sandals) that hurriedly marked steps made through the crowded thoroughfare. He marched forward, boldly raising his voice to a level that had been hidden from the public until this time. His arms flailed and waved as he stormed, ranting and raging. People stopped momentarily to ascertain the situation that appeared out of nowhere and gained momentum and force with each piercing word. A small crowd formed and then dispersed upon seeing her, salty sweat dripped through her black, tattered abaya, lingering long enough to leave faded stains where she wiped away the constant drip drip of humiliation and fear. She stood steadfast, gripping the coveted treats that would bring a meager but much needed relief to the stagnant living quarters.
Oh! As much as I have loved the amazing photos of the Palouse and of course those darling grand babies of yours, it is when you write your heart Lynn that I am most deeply touched. Your words are gold. ❤️
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thanks so much! I am gearing up to start my book. Have been so busy this summer as you know with those gorgeous boys! xxx
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I just read your post about the book! I am so excited for you. 🎉
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Thanks so much!
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Kat is absolutely right.
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Thanks Sarah! xx
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I’m just going to agree with Kat, and First Night Design. As a mom, as a woman, I could feel so many things reading this.
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Thanks for reading.
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I can feel the fear and humiliation. So moving. I’m glad you will be writing!
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Thanks so much! It was the first time he screamed at me in public and it was in a holy place so it was weird and shocking. I hope you are doing well dear xxx
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I’m good, thanks!
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xxxxxxxxxxx
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Although I can never feel where you went through, only reading this broke my heart and gave me that feeling of panic and humiliation. Thank God, it is only a “looking back”! 💖
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Yes! It was so weird, he claimed to be very religious and so in this holy place he first screamed and ranted in public. It was shocking that the abuse was then out there.
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But that must have actually been an embarrassment for himself at that holy place. Regardless of his horrible behaviour towards you it was most inapropriate there to behave like that, I guess!
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yes I would think so. It was packed with people from all over the world and they stopped and stared like huh what? It was weird weird
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Very confusing for sure! A weird situation in that peaceful place. Send you lots of love, dear Lynn 💖
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Thanks so much xx
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💖💖💖
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OH my…he brings being an a-hole to a hole new level….my heart aches for what you have been through., but for every word you write, its one more string unattached from your soul…keep writing, I can’t wait for the book…I hope I will get a signed copy…LOL I will come get it in fact!!! forever sisters at heart….kat
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Oh yes you come and get the book, it will be signed, stamped and a big kiss on the first page sister xoxoxoxo forever
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xx
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Now THAT is your voice dearest most heartbreaking most heart-inspiring Lynn. Screaming almost imperceptibly in the mire. I did ring you Friday and left a message …. Happy to chat anytime 💫
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Yes thanks so much dear! I got your message and will call I am hoping today! The kids went to Disney!!! they just came back, so a very busy week!
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Don’t worry yourself … I was concerned you might be away. Hope Disney was fun for Les enfants 🙂 Actually today I have my new neighbours coming over for the afternoon and tomorrow morning I’m at the hospital but tomorrow afternoon or anytime Tuesday would be super 🙂 xxx
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The idiot’s true colors shinning through-what an imbecile! What a 16 year journey Lynn for you and those children. Keep writing my dear Bestie! Big Hugs to You.xoxoxoxo b-2
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Thanks dear bestie xoxo
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xxoo
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xoxo
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You touch and inspire so many of us Lynn…I’ll be waiting to get my autographed copy along with everyone else!!
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Thanks so much dear! I will finish the book and sign it for sure! xxx
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XOXOXXO 😊
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xoxoxo
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You words create such tension…I can only relax, because I know the ending. (K)
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Thanks so much K! xx
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I am struck though by how happy your children look in the picture but I can visualize with the words you use what is the reality. I do wonder if I had accepted the job in Riyadh what I would have seen…but I am glad not to have gone. Thanks for sharing.
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Thanks for reading!
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As I read your blog, I realize that it would have been impossible for me to keep my thoughts to myself in Saudi. I would have gotten into trouble without trying. Last semester, I accepted a part time job at a nearby University language academy (British based). Unfortunately, I had some very challenging students from Saudi who complained about grades, etc. homework. …I took the job to finish the last 6 weeks out for a teacher who left suddenly. It was unpleasant for me and then despite my hard work, the scheduler told me, “Yes, you did a good job but unfortunately I cannot give you a recommendation because the students evals were low and our policy is not to hire if you below a certain grade. But I hope to work with you again.” Huh….
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It is very difficult! very xx
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Yes, the males speak and the women better not.
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so moving. so many emotions. lovely to read your story again Lynn. ❤
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Thanks xxx
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Very strong person you are Lynn.
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Thanks! xxx
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This part was a mortifying chapter in an endless list of months and days passing by, Lynn. It is strange how even now, I almost shook in fear for you and the children xo ❤
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Thanks for reading. It was the beginning of a new part to this continuing abuse. I know you can feel it xoxoxo
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That’s gripping Lynn. We are all waiting for more of your story.
Leslie
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Thanks Leslie! xx
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😉
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I could really feel the fear and humiliation, this is excellent writing, Lynz
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Thanks so much, so kind of you xxx
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A thought – for your book, it might be a good idea to stick with the “I” versus “she.” Nevertheless, this part of your story is as compelling and well written as everything you’ve shared. Keep telling your story.
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Thanks! yes today was just a little blip for fun not part of the book xxx
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Well, it is worthy! Great job
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Thanks
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Lyn, your story is very compelling. I just wish it were fiction. Take good care my friend.
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Thanks so much dearest Bernadette xx
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The trip from hell… I can’t even imagine what it was like stuck in the hotel room with all the kids. And the journey… And those toilets… But good luck with starting the book! Have you decided if it’s going to be first or third person?
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First person for sure. I had some fun doing something different but it will be first person. Thanks dear xx
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So, evil will out…he could not even contain it somewhere sacred…
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Yes then it was outside whenever and wherever xxxx
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Arsehole.
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It kept me down even further, first being humiliated in front of the kids, watching them watch me and feeling so bad, then worrying that outside I had to be careful. No way to live xxx
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No way to live at all…thank god it’s now a memory and not still happening xx
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yes so glad! xxxx not going back to that no way
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No, never xxx
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xxxx
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Stunning writing, Lynn
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Thanks so much derrick
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I am so looking forward to your book. Your story needs to be told.
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Incredible story! Your book will be amazing!
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Thanks so much PJ! xoxo
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xoxoxo
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Xoxo
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As always your story is riveting, Lynn. You write with such emotion and the sensory detail transports me to the scene – the heat, the smells, the sounds of the sandals, the call to prayer, the screaming and turned heads, the sweat. And always those children that you are trying to protect and give a good life. I noticed that you wrote this in third person. Are you experimenting for the up and coming book?
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I just did it for fun, it seemed like the right move for some reason when I got to the end to describe how people maybe felt seeing me. So, then I felt it was weird to switch it to third person. I am not experienced at writing so just went to third person all through it haha. thanks so much, coming from such a gifted writer that means so much to me xoxo
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I have to admit liking the first person better, it feels more personal to see it through your eyes. But then, I’m probably just used to it too. In first person, you can show what other people might be seeing simply by imagining it, or by describing their reactions and how you interpret them. Your writing is absolutely superb, so I know it will be a great read either way. 🙂 I couldn’t be more pleased that you are writing a book!
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Thanks, I can’t write in third person so no way! I will do it all first person for sure. I appreciate your help and comments. I start next week and this is a huge challenge for me xxx
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It’s hard to click “like” for such a tortured time. As always your writing brings even this to life.
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Thanks so much xx
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I feel so happy for you, that you came away from that monster, dear Lynn. Get it all out and ended, when you write your book.
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Thanks so much, I hope to do that! xxx
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Sounds like a perfect excerpt from the coming NY Times Best Seller! You’re a natural at this. (writing)
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Thanks so much Tasha! I am finally starting the book after years of waiting and thinking! Xxx
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Shocking Lynne, how horrible! But I am so happy for your journey to write the book and tell your story so that other women can benefit from it. LOVE YOU! xoxoxoxo
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Thanks so very very much dearest KR love you much xoxo
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So vivid and real Lyn… your writing is wonderful!
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You really do write so well. I felt the humiliation along with you. What a tortured soul he must be to behave like that.
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Yes I agree he must be
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As I read this, I just thought ‘ and so he strikes again’. His raging, his attitude has made him a sad man. He had to opportunity to be a decent man and live a happy life, but he messed up ! xxx
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yes I gave him every chance each step of the way, even when he married someone else I forgave said ok let’s move forward!! But still he just didn’t take the best path! So, I can say I did my best. xxxx
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Your story is magnetic and so sad at the same time. I am so glad that I know this is the past and not your life now.
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Thanks so much Bernadette! I am starting today and hope I can turn this into a book.
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It is a story that should be told. That being said, now that I know you, it breaks my heart.
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thanks for caring Bernadette! I am still having lots of anxiety and going to therapy. I am trying to move on, it seems like a cycle that never ends. I wrote today at the library and feel it was successful! so, I will keep going.
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I am sure the writing is emotionally very difficult. It is very good you have sought a professional to help you deal with the emotional abuse you suffered.
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I am hoping it helps Bernadette, I find now that he is not here and I don’t think he will come, now I am nervous and feeling the anxiety! I thought now it would be relaxing time haha Thanks for your support! xx
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You will move past this and become stronger and happier.
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Thanks so much, I hope so! xxx
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Oh, my. Those memories will never go away, but they will get easier. The good news is that you have a ton of amazing material for at least one and probably more books. Good luck on your project.
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Interesting angle from the third person, because I’m so used to your writings it almost seems like an out of body experience. Like you considered how others might perceive the situation for the first time. So sorry Lynn, and so thankful you are out of it. It would be interesting to hear what your children thought about it sometime. I know your boys don’t like to talk about it, but maybe one of your girls could add to one of your stories from their point of view?
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I really should see if they will Sadie! That is an awesome idea! Maybe in the book as well. hmmmm let me ask my daughter the writer! Thanks for telling me that, I will ask her to write a piece for us!
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