First visit to Damascus
Picture of Osama on our visit to see in-laws, 1988. I came across this picture recently and it brought back so many memories.
Osama was only 8 months old when I decided to travel to Damascus. I was 2 months pregnant with my second child and having horrible morning sickness. He did not tell his parents that he had married me or that we had a child. So, when Osama was a few months old he told his brother, who then informed the family. They were upset and furious and wanted nothing to do with us!
They told him they would never be happy about this decision and that was that. Being the stubborn person that I am in such issues, I insisted on traveling there and making them see that I was a good wife and mother. He dropped us off at the airport in Seattle and when he arrived home received a letter saying, please do not send this lady she does not know the language or culture and it just won’t work! It was too late we were already on our way! I spent 5 weeks with them. The night before I left my father-in-law sat with me and told me, “Um Osama (mother of Osama) we love you and accept you! I am glad I put in the effort and when tough times came my mother-in-law stood by the kids and I!
![IMG_6028[1]](https://lynzrealcooking.files.wordpress.com/2018/01/img_60281-e1516810286593.jpg?w=295&h=395 "IMG_6028[1]")
![IMG_6029[1]](https://lynzrealcooking.files.wordpress.com/2018/01/img_60291-e1516810444653.jpg?w=317&h=395 "IMG_6029[1]")
Wow, brave decision on your part. It’s obvious you tried so hard to make things work out!
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I look back and it sounds crazy! haha
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Well, that, too! Lol
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hahaha youth!
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One brave lady you were/are!!!
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I didn’t think about it haha
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😄😄😄😄
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You are one tough lady, Lynn. That is a difficult situation to deal with.
Leslie
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I don’t know why or how I went but haha I did!
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That takes a lot of courage.
Leslie
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Thanks Leslie, it was maybe being young and not knowing any better x
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I think you did the right thing.
Leslie
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Thanks!
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I love your spirit! And of course, when they met you and saw you they knew how wonderful you are!
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Thanks, they gave in haha
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I don’t think I would have gone. Good for you, Lynn, and a wise choice. 🙂 ❤
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Thanks! Looking back it sounds ridiculous and I would never do it now haha
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What a cute picture of Osama! Brave women to travel with a toddler and pregnant to meet in laws who were not happy about your marriage. They must have seen what a great person and mother you were as you turned there views right around! Good on you.
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Thanks so much dear xxx
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I used “were” to speak about the past event but that really should be an ” are”.
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Well done
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Thanks Derrick!
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I have to say you are ballsy! Serves you well.
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That was very brave of you.
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Really, she stood by you when things fell apart? She must have known what a nutcase her son was.
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Well, when we moved here and stayed he told everyone he was paying helping me, being a great guy. When he married his second wife, I got up my nerve and called his mom, his brothers. At first she was snotty to me, thought I left him etc. I told her in my broken arabic what had happened, he told everyone I was ok with him marrying! So, she cried all day and night(her nephew informed me) and was very upset with him, instructed him to PAY, buy a home, make things right! Two of his brothers told me they would help me in any way possible and were furious with him for abandoning us!
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Did any help actually reach you or were these broken promises and wishful thinking?
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As you know Syria is a very poor country and so I never took them up on it. Having been there many times I have seen, the basic thing we take for granted would not even be available there such as a dishwasher, carpeting, cheap fruit and meat. I insisted he got an air conditioner for a sister in law, insisted on bringing clothing etc. so they are in big need but just the idea of caring made me happy. My brother in law told me he does not agree with anything that his brother has done and that he is furious with him! That is a huge thing in the middle east as you must stick by your family. so, just the idea that they feel bad and care is enough. My mother in law insisted he cooperate with me and purchase a home, she put her motherly push on him. He has not paid now for a year and she is living with him but I really do not want to call her or get into that again. I am free and just want to try to raise the kids without his help! I really have no contact with them and have not for several years.
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The honesty and common sense that you display in recognized who has what, is a true testament to your character. I can imagine that it was a HUGE balm to your bruised soul, to have his mother & brother see your side of the story. We can only pity wife #2, eh?
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It really made me feel better. I spent those months feeling the worst ever, thinking he would just go marry a lady 18 years younger after coming to see me, begging me to come back, then months later an email saying he was married, 9 months later a baby! It really put me so low! So, hearing that they were mad did help! She knew he was married, didn’t care basically, she is an architect, successful, had money, left her little boy in Syria and basically said she knew but thought I didnt care. I really struggled with this for so long, it hurt me more to think some other woman would not care at all for me or my kids. My kids visited and said she was quite tough and they fought endlessly!!! she finally left him, so all of that drama and hurt for nothing.
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All the drama and hurt forged you and your kids into steel. And perhaps the episode cemented in his family’s mind just what a cad he is.
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You are so right!
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I am very glad you went to visit them and they were there for you later Lynn. So very important and brave of you – what strength you display! 🙂
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Thanks so much Terry!
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Gosh I could never imagine doing something like this Lynn.. You were very brave 🙂
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Thanks dear CH! Young and silly I think haha
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That could have been a tricky situation, but you seemed to have handled it very well Lynn.
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It was quite tricky hahaha. there were many interesting moments but I just did as my mom always taught me, “be your personal best no matter what”
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A very good advice 🙂
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Wow…I know it’s been awhile (I’ve been having some site related issues) but I love what you’ve done to the place! There has been a lot of changes since I’ve last visited and it looks wonderful! You are a brave woman for going into hostile territory like that Lynz…and you won them over! That speaks volumes to the confidence you had going into the relationship!
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Thanks so much Tasha, you are right that is true! At times I feel so foolish but yes I thought it was a true love soul mate match! It was scary going.
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Oh, Lynn, I admire you! I don’t know if I have had the courage to go there and meet them. It was great that you did and they even stood by you. But I am not surprised, you just capture hearts, dear!
Btw. I like the new look of your blog!
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Your so sweet dearest sister! xxxxx
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You had mine on hello 💖
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xxx
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💖
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thanks for the comment Erika, I was not sure about the change but just needed a change! xxx
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You can still change again to something else. I understand that well. Sometimes you just need a change… Thought about changes of my site too but that needs time I don’t have at the moment. But you have made that idea spinning in my mind again…lol!
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haha thanks dear!
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😊😊💖
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This shows what a wonderful woman you are and it renews my faith in humanity … the truth will out!Good always triumphs over evil! xxxxx
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Thanks so much dear Willow! xxxxx
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Who wouldn’t love you and accept you happily into their family. Too bad that they couldn’t have raised a better son.
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Thanks so much Bernadette! I spent years trying to please and to be part of the family.
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Wow, Lynn – another great story. And that picture is adorable!
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Thanks Sarah! My mom has told me for years when I get frustrated with anything or anyone, “Be your personal best do not care about what others do” I used to get so irritated and think who cares, but I did as she said. I do believe it pays off.
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That took a lot of courage. I happy you kicked ass and it worked out
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Thanks so much! My mother-in-law insisted he support us and buy a home! So, she stood by me and tried to make it right after he married! When she found out he was not giving us money she was furious!
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Good mother in law in the end
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Yes
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You have the courage Lynn, which helped you, while you were in need 😀
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It is true that when needed courage came
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Perhaps their son’s behaviour had them at their wit’s end. It’s good to hear that they stood by you and their grandchildren.
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Yes they were furious, but he kept us from talking and looking back we didn’t see them much–isolation!
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That’s it, isolation is the greatest tool of a bully. so sad.
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I agree it really is the biggest and most powerful tool. You end up living in an alternate reality and it sticks with you! Thanks! xx
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Exactly! Your greatest strength now, Lynn, is your self-awareness. Hat’s off to you!
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Thanks it sure has taken time to see xxx
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He was so blond!!! And cute! And yes, very brave to go out there alone. I don’t think I would have had the guts.
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It was a necessity. We had lived as a couple, had a child and he would not tell them. So, I was so upset when they were mad. thanks Marina!
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How could they not love you Lynn, you are strong and courageous and a loving person!! It is just too sad that He did not recognize what he had in you 🙂 xxx
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Thank you so much Marisa!! Xxxx
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Young and silly turned out to be a good thing in the end! xoxoxo
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True! Xoxo
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A brave decision, and the result is that all these years later you have their good wishes. It does not need to be material support to have meaning for your and your children. (K)
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The emotional support is the most important you are so right!
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brave sweet lady. and MIL recognized your goodness! 🙂
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Thanks dear xx
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You are a force Lynn. 🙂
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Thanks Colleen xx
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I love your fighting spirit!
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Thanks!
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Who couldn’t like you Lynn!!
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Your so sweet Cameron! xx
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🙂
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Yes, good for you for sticking to what you believed was right. Why did he not go with you on that first visit? xxx
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He could not go for years! He had left and was supposed to go back into the army but did not. He did not go back for maybe 15 years. So I made a few trips alone so his family could see the children. I went after my 6th child was born, a newborn, 6 kids along. It was not easy but I felt bad, wanted them to see their grandkids. He did not encourage us to go, I think it was the isolation factor of abuse! his family always questioned, pushed for us to have things, go places! Abusers want you alone, scared and no contact with others. xxx
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Oh yes, that is an abusers trait, for sure !
Nice that you visited with the kids, I am sure your in-laws really appreciated that. xxx
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I think they did xxx
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You are such a dear and very strong. Good for you.
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Thanks so much Franci!
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Good for you for standing your ground! It worked out lovely with your in-laws. Adorable picture!
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Thanks pj xx
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xoxo
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Xoxo
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Good for you! Your visit really paid off by creating a connection to your father-in-law.
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Yes so true
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I’m so glad that they loved you and Osama!
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It was an amazing thing to experience!xx
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Wow, I am glad they came around Lynn! What a wonderful gesture to go all the way there with a child and being pregnant. I can’t believe he hid you from them for so long.
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He did and it was a huge weight on me for years!
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This is so heart warming to know. It was a very bold decision on your part, must have taken a lot of effort and strength. Every family deserves a daughter in law like you. You’re an inspiration, dear one. God bless the family. 🙂
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You are so kind xxx
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You deserve it, sweetheart.
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Good for you! Very brave, and very interesting that your mother in law stood by you 🙂 X
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thanks xxx
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You are amazing Lynn! This is a beautiful story! How could anyone not love you?
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Thanks so much that is so sweet of you to say blue! xx
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oxox 💜
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xoxo
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Who wouldn’t love you Lynn….your are a good woman and your glow happiness and peace….love the look of your blog….kat
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Thanks Kat xxx
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This just shows dear Lynz when armed in love as you were then to make your family union complete, all things are possible. Plus it also shows those who have a perceptions before getting to know some one, should really get to know a person before labelling them . This in the end worked out as your Mother and Father-in-law accepted you for YOU.. And how in the end your Mother-in-law would support and help you and your children.
Thank you for sharing that part of your story Lynz.. A remarkable journey you undertook, not knowing then how your life would take shape.
Love and Blessings
Sue xxx
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Thanks so much Sue! xx
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That must not have been easy for you at all. Good for you! xxx
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Thanks Sophie! x
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Wow. Please accept my bow here. You are SO brave Lynn. I cannot imagine a situation like that. Of course once they get to know you, loving you would be a cakewalk but your decision to be with them knowing of their non-acceptance is really admirable.
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thanks so much you are too kind!
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I’m glad you felt support from them. How brave you were to go there by yourself! And I’m glad you had their support through the difficulties, that’s good for your children to have too. 🙂
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Thanks Sadie x
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They recognized your truth. What a lot you have been through!
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Thanks so much! xx
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