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A ban

Many people have asked me about the beginning, so I will add this little series to my story.

 

Wheat fields spiraled like a grand carpet, swaying through the summer breeze, following hills and valleys of the winding Palouse. The sun now behind me, I drove towards the small University town where my sister attended summer session. She insisted that I visit, forget the events of the past year, have fun and act my age. I was 20 years old and had spent two years at C.W.U. a small college in Washington state. I was not interested in academics, but chose to immerse myself in everything jazz, hoping one day to go on the road and make it big. It had been a year full of self discovery which included several relationships that were unsuccessful, academic uncertainty and an attempt to gain control over my weight. It all ended in a blur of emotions, packing my bags for summer, saying goodbyes and ultimately  a vow, to never let myself fall again. It was time to get back to basics, pursue dreams that had filled my head since childhood, first poetry, acting and then singing. My mind snapped back to the present as I scanned the parking lot, four grey-blue buildings stood making a horseshoe, number 3 was just in view. I parked the car and saw my sister’s silhouette in the window, peering behind the standard yellow pleated apartment curtains.

 

I grabbed my bag and made my way to the door where I was greeted by my sister and her friend, a young Saudi man.  We laughed and joked for hours until a knock on the door was met with raucous shouting, just come in!!  A slender young man entered, his curly black hair swirled and bobbed when he walked, his olive skin was warm, behind deep brown eyes a simmering glow shot repeatedly my way. When he spoke, a soft but self-assured voice struggled to put together a sentence in English. He managed to get his message across and my sister understood completely. He was in need of a ban, to make his rice, a small ban was fine. My sister looked at me and mouthed the word, pan. He held the pan and smiled at me, making his way out the door just as easily and effortlessly as he had entered. He was somehow different, respectful and calm, but I remembered the vow I had taken and shook my head when my sister gave me an inquiring and hopeful look.

129 Comments Post a comment
  1. Such a a beautiful beginning, it makes me sad to read this, except for the thought of your beautiful children!

    Liked by 3 people

    April 20, 2016
    • Thanks dear Vonita! It started off as a dream.

      Liked by 1 person

      April 20, 2016
    • You’re so right cuz all I was thinking was “RUN, Lynz, RUN!” But had she done that, she wouldn’t have the family that she has today. I guess that’s one benefit of not knowing what the future holds.

      Liked by 2 people

      April 21, 2016
      • I so agree! I would do it all over again to have these amazing 9 people that I am blessed with. It was all a very small price to pay, my only regret is the effect it has had on them!

        Liked by 2 people

        April 21, 2016
      • Yes, true!

        Liked by 2 people

        April 21, 2016
  2. Oh…those first impressions. 💕 And your vow, to never fall in love again. Wow. So interesting, Lynn. Thanks for sharing.

    Like

    April 20, 2016
  3. Merryn #

    I am glad you chose to write the beginning of the story. Must be painful looking back to how it all began though?

    Liked by 2 people

    April 20, 2016
    • It is really weird, it was a dream, a whirlwind, abiding love, novel kind of love! I need people to see this and understand that it happened in this way, it is insidious and I never saw it coming! Maybe someone else will think!

      Liked by 2 people

      April 20, 2016
      • Merryn #

        It’s wonderful that you are using your wisdom gained from painful experiences to help others.

        Liked by 1 person

        April 20, 2016
        • Thanks Merryn, I hope someone out there who feels alone, and like it is their fault, can see what it really is!

          Liked by 1 person

          April 20, 2016
          • Merryn #

            I’m sure they will. Your openness gives you instant credibility and makes people listen.

            Liked by 1 person

            April 20, 2016
          • Thanks so much!

            Like

            April 20, 2016
      • Pan #

        Because of all your experiences, I find the beginning integral to the help it can give others.. Like you stated already, you hope it makes them think.. You will give them the early red flags, so easily missed when swept up in the dream.. You give foresight in the form of your hindsight..
        Yes, this is so very important.. You survived.. These experiences you write may end up being the map to freedom that someone not as adaptable or strong, may not survive otherwise..

        Liked by 3 people

        April 20, 2016
        • You are so nice to tell me this, it makes it worthwhile if someone can learn or think that they are not the problem! Thanks Pan!

          Liked by 1 person

          April 20, 2016
  4. Thanks for sharing this, Lyn. It adds a whole other layer to your incredible story … Knowing how normal the beginning was. xx

    Liked by 1 person

    April 20, 2016
  5. Oh my. What a start to a nightmare journey. It sounds … so romantic 😦

    Liked by 1 person

    April 20, 2016
    • It was sooooo romantic and very “you and I against the world” I guess this part is very important so I will give this in little segments so people can see how it can start, not at all what one might think.

      Liked by 1 person

      April 20, 2016
  6. koolaidmoms #

    The beginning of your story adds a new dimension that really explains the whole situation. Thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

    April 20, 2016
    • Thanks for always being there Marci! It means allot to me! I will continue with this since I am getting good feedback! xx

      Liked by 1 person

      April 20, 2016
      • koolaidmoms #

        It is a very powerful and emotional story. I know it is your story and thank you for being so open.

        Liked by 1 person

        April 20, 2016
        • Thank you Marci! At first it was awful, like opening a huge bad wound, but people have helped me think and move on. To be honest (ashamed to admit this) if I had not blogged I might have allowed him back, not out of love but fear!!! All of you have told me THIS is wrong and you deserve more! So, that has empowered me. This is the time when he always comes, so it is tense and I feel anxious but I also feel I have backing! Thanks

          Liked by 1 person

          April 20, 2016
  7. Young and vulnerable…wisdom comes later. You are lucky to be free now and to have your beautiful family surrounding you. (K)

    Liked by 1 person

    April 20, 2016
  8. It is called the Honeymoon stage Lynn in terms of Abuse-and the cycle of Abuse. It is VERY normal. Keep writing so that others will understand just how in the world this could happen to a good, intelligent woman like yourself-it has no barriers, no social/economics/they are however perpetrators none-the-less…He is an IDIOT! Your Bestie 2 xoxoxo

    Liked by 2 people

    April 20, 2016
  9. I’m glad you’ve added this segment Lynn. It helps round up your story nicely.Your writing is great:-) Best. Chevvy

    Liked by 1 person

    April 20, 2016
  10. Ooh, I can’t wait to hear more. Thanks for giving us a peek into it.

    Liked by 1 person

    April 20, 2016
  11. All of this is absolutely fascinating. Thank you for sharing, as I am sure it is not always easy or fun.

    Liked by 1 person

    April 20, 2016
    • It is not easy haha you are so right! It brings allot of guilt and shame,but I am so lucky everyone here is very kind and supportive. In the beginning I had a few negative responses which I can understand but now people are very supportive and kind in every way! I am lucky to have this place to speak and be accepted!

      Liked by 1 person

      April 20, 2016
  12. And, who would have known the outcome ….and what the future held… x

    Liked by 1 person

    April 20, 2016
  13. A lovely beginning if you don’t know what is to come.

    Liked by 1 person

    April 20, 2016
  14. I want to enjoy – but knowing how it turned out makes me cringe…. love ya Lynn!

    Liked by 2 people

    April 20, 2016
  15. You are so amazing. You can look back to the beginning and remember exactly how you felt and not let the intervening years color that memory.

    Liked by 1 person

    April 20, 2016
  16. Are you doing any community theater? I think you would be awesome as you have so much world experience, you would bring that to your acting.

    Liked by 2 people

    April 20, 2016
    • You are so kind. For me, years in that life, it is a shame for women to be very much seen! I am now free but it is still hard! I am a big loud person but now more to myself and not an outgoing person. So, I have not done anything except raise the kids and try to just keep going.

      Liked by 2 people

      April 20, 2016
  17. And so it began…:(

    Liked by 1 person

    April 20, 2016
  18. I’m sure it’s difficult to be honest, and fair, about the beginning. This Reads really well, Lynn.
    Isn’t it funny how, in ways we feel like the same person and in other ways we have grown and learned and changed so much.
    What would you tell that girl now?

    Liked by 2 people

    April 20, 2016
    • Wow, I would say love yourself and see you are a good person, worthy! I left a couple of broken relationships, funny thing when I caught up with 2 of these people on facebook, they told me that I ran away and one said I BROKE his heart and he had been in love with me! I felt that I was nothing, fat and ugly and didn’t really see what actually happened!!! So, love yourself and believe in you.

      Liked by 2 people

      April 20, 2016
      • OMG, how different life would have been if you had embraced and loved yourself and perhaps married one of the “others”. I am dreaming now.
        Susie
        Do you think you can get together now if they are “free” ?

        Liked by 1 person

        April 21, 2016
        • Well I am still married, still in this mess and I don’t think that will change. I am just happy he has not written saying he intends to come here! this time of year is when he usually comes, and when he came last year! So, I am anxious! Also, my kids have been through so much so I would never put them through anything that might not turn out well. They need my help, it took three years to get the youngest kids situated in school. Then I sat for 3 months at the school in the hall, never leaving so that my son would stay! He is now happy and doing well this is year 4 in school. So, no I can’t even think of that and would never be able to trust again. Thanks for your caring and concern xx

          Liked by 1 person

          April 21, 2016
      • Oh my, Lynn… You are absolutely not alone. I do think that the love we get from our children is very healing. You start to see your worth in them.

        Liked by 1 person

        April 21, 2016
  19. Thank you for the beginning Lynn. We all start somewhere down our paths….

    Liked by 1 person

    April 20, 2016
  20. And so it began. The adventures that our hearts take us on.
    Leslie

    Liked by 1 person

    April 20, 2016
  21. Wow, all the way back to the first time you met. Who would have known how things would turn out. Thanks for sharing your story.

    Liked by 1 person

    April 20, 2016
  22. You never know how things will turn out. You go on feeling, do your best, and the rest is up to the gods. You didn’t sell out, you thought he was the one.

    Liked by 1 person

    April 20, 2016
  23. It sounds so innocent and promising. 😦 I would say I despise the ending, except you have 9 beautiful children and grand-babies on the way! Hugs Lynn!

    Liked by 1 person

    April 20, 2016
  24. I can see the optimism any young person would have at this point.

    Liked by 1 person

    April 20, 2016
  25. I did wonder how it all began…looking forward to following the next instalment.

    Liked by 1 person

    April 20, 2016
  26. All because of a “ban.” Who knew? But look at your wonderful fulfilling life now! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    April 20, 2016
  27. And so that was the beginning, interesting how things would work out through today. I look forward to the continuation Lynn. Hope your day has been good to you. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    April 20, 2016
  28. Beautiful prose Lyn. Warm and gentle emotions. Not full of fear and pain a very nice change.

    Liked by 1 person

    April 20, 2016
  29. I’m so glad you’ve decided to write about the beginning of your relationship Lynn…it’s amazing how different things are when you first meet and court…I’m curious to see where it all started to go south…and at the same time I’m relieved that you’re free from him (for the most part) 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    April 20, 2016
    • Thanks so much Linda! It is confusing to wonder where it all went wrong, but it was very slow for sure, so slow I didn’t notice until I was around 40 years old!

      Liked by 1 person

      April 20, 2016
  30. At last, the beginning! This is great for you too, as I’m sure you’ve experienced many cathartic moments, but this is great so you can be more reflective of it and reread to see what the heck happened.

    Liked by 1 person

    April 20, 2016
  31. Oh Lynn. I am glad you felt these attractions and saw positive qualities in your husband. The good parts will make your children know they were born out of love. It is funny how the beginnings always seem so special. . . otherwise we would run! Hugs! xo

    Liked by 1 person

    April 20, 2016
  32. I thought I knew your entire story and then this post comes. Now I know where it all started. Often reading your posts, I could have so easily believed that you were a Middle Eastern woman with an American passport, tied to a Middle Eastern husband- it was very difficult to even think of you as pure bred American- you had integrated yourself so, into Saudi society. Kudos to you that you did all you could to get into the culture and lifestyles and perhaps even learnt the language and the religious beliefs. It shows how adaptable you were and how tolerant and patient and forgiving. You are a great person and I think you are going to have a great life forward.
    When I started blogging two years back, I was going through some personal turmoil too but blogging and a lot of support from blog friends helped me get my life on track and to believe in myself. Having anonymous friends and strangers who care about you really helps, when we are deep down in trouble.
    Maybe you can take up jazz again.
    Susie

    Liked by 1 person

    April 21, 2016
    • That is so very true having friends who see you in a different and more objective light and do care, it helps! Thanks Susie!

      Like

      April 21, 2016
  33. So sad what ended up. Why men become so unbearably boorish is beyond me. They miss their own life worrying about controlling others lives.
    A foolish man for sure.

    Liked by 2 people

    April 21, 2016
  34. I agree with Cameron…what a bore!!!! I love the fields of wheat…makes me homesick for Eastern Washington….sending you love an hugs my frined…so glad your back where you belong with your beautiful family!!! kat

    Liked by 1 person

    April 21, 2016
  35. That one moment changed your life forever. I guess it is hard for you to regret, because it resulted in your beautiful children. What a story you have Lynn!

    Liked by 1 person

    April 21, 2016
    • yes I don’t regret it, having them is everything!

      Liked by 1 person

      April 21, 2016
      • Sometimes the journey is not as important as where we end up. You have wonderful children and are in such a wonderful place now. I am always sad when I read your posts, but comforted by the fact that you are no longer in that horrible situation.

        Liked by 1 person

        April 21, 2016
  36. The part from where it all began, must have felt so good then like most budding relationships. If only you knew what was to come, Lynn ! Nevertheless the best part is that it’s all in the past, and now you are in a safe and happier place 🙂 Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    April 21, 2016
  37. Oh, how young and vulnerable you were! The perfect target for someone like him. 😦
    My first reaction was wanting to turn back time so you never met him, but then you wouldn’t have your beautiful children. He can never take that gift away from you.
    Hope you are having a wonderful day, Lynn.

    Liked by 1 person

    April 22, 2016
  38. I enjoyed this piece Lyn. I too have wondered where it all began.

    Liked by 1 person

    April 23, 2016
  39. Oh! Hindsight! If only you could have banned the pan! This is a wonderful introduction to what is to come. Oh, my heart bleeds.

    Liked by 1 person

    April 24, 2016
  40. Oh my…hindsight…

    Liked by 1 person

    April 24, 2016
  41. Your writing is phenomenal! This could make someone excited for you, if they didn’t know what was to come!

    Liked by 1 person

    April 26, 2016
    • thanks for reading! It went this way for about 5 years!!!!!

      Liked by 1 person

      April 26, 2016
      • That is a long time! It probably confused you so much when things changed. And once you knew what could be, why wouldn’t you hope for that again? That would be like tearing your heart out. And by then you have children, which makes you just hope even more…

        Liked by 1 person

        April 26, 2016
        • It was honestly very weird, I felt I had failed, he was dream man, everyone loved him! The perfect everything! He came home one day and lost it! I was horrified, my two little ones, 18 months maybe and 2 months old!

          Liked by 1 person

          April 26, 2016
          • This is heart breaking! I can relate to how you felt. Everyone loved my ex-husband too. They had no idea who he really was. But you are right, it makes you question yourself. Your experience is so sudden, like a death compared to what you knew. With two small children, it must have made it so much harder for you. You are amazing, yes you! Take that in and soak it up!

            Liked by 1 person

            April 26, 2016
          • Your so kind blue! Thank you!

            Liked by 1 person

            April 26, 2016
          • 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

            April 26, 2016
          • 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

            April 26, 2016

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