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Edit and review of old stories– The outside world

As the long, hot summer drug on, the kids continued playing, making houses out of the couch pads. This is a tradition they would pass on to each younger sibling and continue until we left Saudi. The brown rough blanket we brought with us to the villa became a curtain, walls, maybe even a river. The cardboard box that Grama lovingly packed and sent, still sat in the corner. I guess it was a reminder that we were not alone and someone was thinking of us. My thoughts were focused on the year to come, in particular, school. I felt a sick pit in my stomach when my mind wandered to the previous year. I felt that it must have been the worst school in all of Riyadh, with inexperienced  teachers and administration. Surely any other school in Riyadh would be much different, this is what I told myself.

The weather continued to be hot, 115 degrees, but it felt much hotter. The heat increased with each passing day and was unrelenting.  Unlike the heat I had experienced as a child when hot summer days faded into cool evenings and we all sat on the lawn swing in the back yard.  The heat was bearable as we ran through the sprinkler and swam at the neighborhood pool. But this was a different kind of heat and sitting in the apartment day after day made it feel stagnant and dry.  It was irritating not having regular electricity and the comfort of air conditioning, boredom started to wear on me. The English channel turned on at 4 p.m. but had a limited selection of shows, many were older programs and all were heavily censored, often times only a few minutes remained for viewing. My attitude started slipping and I felt a twinge of despair until I started spending many hours looking out of the large windows. I noticed workers who walked with their buckets and rags, hailing people as they passed to offer them a quick car wash,  this put things into perspective. They usually had a two year contract to work in Saudi, they left behind family, possibly a wife and children. They were the backbone of Saudi society, maids and drivers, and other “workers” who held the fabric of life together. In later years they became true friends who helped me on many occasions, shuttling me around to look at housing and carrying my newborn babies through the grocery insisting that I should be at home in bed. My thoughts drifted back to school although I tried to push this away until it actually arrived and there was no more room for denial.

I was sure that things would continually improve for our family and he would indeed find his “dream” job. In the mean time I offered my support and encouragement. He brought home requests from new friends for books that needed editing, desserts for office functions as well as reports for odd jobs he had managed to land. I spent hours working on these tasks although I had no expertise in these fields as well as no desk or table, no proper stove or utensils. I did this in the hopes that the man I once knew who had entranced me with his kindly manner, and promises of abiding love, would come back if only for a fleeting moment.This would be enough to carry me through the passing days and nights.  I nursed the baby on my lap, held my little Foof and hugged See See as I wrote pages of reports, edited books and whipped up batches of pastries. I felt I could not do much for him but offer my support. I comforted myself with thoughts of how it all began and where it would inevitably once begin again.

I passed my days taking care of the children and making friends with a few new ladies who had moved into the building. Electricity was to come any day and this time it was really going to happen. It had been 4 months without real electricity which had been a test but many people in this world live with much less. We also received a phone which opened up a whole new world. I met many American, British and Canadian ladies married to Arab men. They were living in Riyadh and coping with the school system and life in a foreign country. Potlucks and picnics were held at a school parking lot where we all sat on blankets, laughing as we watched the children run and play. The phone meant I had regular contact with my parents and sister as well as these new friends. They called to invite me to meetings, luncheons and coffee mornings but it was difficult to attend any of these events when there was no way to drive.  These ladies were a life line for me and literally meant hope in the darkness. I invited them for a coffee at the apartment where we spent hours talking and listening to tips about living in the Kingdom.  As I cleaned up and straightened the apartment he arrived home. He asked about my day and offered what appeared to be enthusiasm for this day off from tedious chores. He told me that I should most definitely get out of the apartment more often and relax. He went to his room and changed into his pajamas as is customary in the Arab world. When he returned he sat with me just like old times, he joked and spoke warmly, asking me about the ladies and their visit.  I eagerly told him about the stories, ideas and tips that were shared. Again another glimpse into the past and the man I had once known.

The next Thursday (beginning of the weekend)  night rolled around, we packed the cookies we had made, the old brown blanket, diaper bag, and juice. The kids were excited to see the children from the week before. In Arabic school they had not been accepted but at this parking lot there were children much like them, American mothers and Arab fathers and it was a place to belong. This week my spirits were lifted in anticipation of seeing these ladies who were much like me and who faced the same struggles. We sat waiting for several hours, bags by the door until it seemed evident he was not coming home and we were not going. We all fell asleep on our cozy pad beds watching tiny censored snippets of old sitcom reruns. When he arrived there were no words, or any apologies but this was the way our life would play out for years to come.

88 Comments Post a comment
  1. Fascinating as always, dear Lynn!

    Liked by 2 people

    April 18, 2016
  2. I can’t help feeling like you were leashed, Lynn. Repeatedly given tastes of freedom and joy only to be yanked back. It feels so cruel to have those little joys sabotaged, not only to you but to the children. Wonderful writing as always. Your story is heartrending. ❤

    Liked by 4 people

    April 18, 2016
  3. Lynn, your writing is amazing. This time, I mean how you take us along on your thoughts. It feels as if I did stand at that window watching the workers and also the pondering about school, your hopes, and the joy of being with those ladies and their kids. I think that is why what you write always goes so deep… because it comes from deep within.

    Liked by 4 people

    April 18, 2016
  4. You are a very strong woman Lynn. That has to have been a very difficult time for you.
    Leslie

    Liked by 2 people

    April 18, 2016
  5. Lynn, so much up & down, excitement and disappointment. I am glad your life is happy now, with wonderful memories you are making now with your parents, kids and future grandkids. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    April 18, 2016
  6. I’m always lost for words when reading your riveting accounts of such heartache. As Leslie says, you are incredibly strong.

    Liked by 4 people

    April 18, 2016
  7. You took the little bit offered and ran with it-Bravo-Lynn. Heartache always ensued, clearly evident by his behavior. NOT anymore my friend!…Bestie 2 oxoxoxo

    Liked by 3 people

    April 18, 2016
  8. You know what I like Lynn? That you look back and write about this, matter of factly. And even in the shadows of the horror of that man, you remained hopeful and your children had times to laugh and enjoy life. That’s what I like about this story Lynn. You, and the kids.

    Liked by 4 people

    April 18, 2016
  9. So sad … sitting and waiting … and now the happiness of times like the other day at the races with Mude.

    Liked by 3 people

    April 18, 2016
  10. So well done, it’s actually painful to read

    Liked by 2 people

    April 18, 2016
  11. Gripping story. There are moments of hope, only to be dashed. Amazing what you have lived through,

    Liked by 1 person

    April 18, 2016
  12. This was so sad! You really have a way of taking us with you back in time! The disappointments, the discouragement, the heat, and no electricity all seem overwhelming! I am so glad you found these friends to help sustain you and the children. And I am so happy you are now all free from this life! It must still be a struggle for you at times after all you have been through. You are amazing!!!

    Liked by 3 people

    April 18, 2016
    • I hate to say it is a struggle, I feel like I am ungrateful, but it is a struggle blue. I think I should be fine, move on! But I am stuck many days!!! xxx

      Liked by 1 person

      April 18, 2016
      • Oh Lynn, how could you not struggle! You are a shining light, there isn’t an ounce of ungratefulness detected from you! I deeply understand what you are saying, I get it! I wish I could give you a hug! You feel so much like a kindred spirit!

        Liked by 2 people

        April 18, 2016
  13. Wonderful narration, Lynn… 🙂

    Wish you a great week ahead… 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    April 18, 2016
  14. I had a hard time giving this one a like, only to acknowledge I read it and feel your pain coming through your words. 😦

    Liked by 3 people

    April 18, 2016
    • Thanks so much for reading and liking, as I edited it, I felt much differently about it this time around! Months have past and new insights!

      Liked by 1 person

      April 19, 2016
  15. It feels terrible, when we need to let our kids down, no matter in which circumstances. These experiments made all of you so very strong. At least you got this, dear Lynn 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    April 18, 2016
  16. He just couldn’t let you have anything for yourself could he? He saw how excited you were about meeting the other ladies and he just had to take it away from you…just like he tried to control your thoughts. And you did so much for him, you tried so very hard to make it better, Lynn, you really did, but you were fighting against evil 😦
    The photos from your wonderful weekend show just how much you’ve gained and achieved, the love of all your children shines through and it’s lovely to see xxx

    Liked by 3 people

    April 18, 2016
  17. No comment

    Liked by 1 person

    April 19, 2016
  18. Compelling Lynz.

    Liked by 2 people

    April 19, 2016
  19. So well written I feel like a fly on the wall. You were present to those moments, as cruel as they sometimes were. I’m glad you are freeing yourself from them by your writing. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    April 19, 2016
  20. I am always amazed at the constant ups and downs you endured Lynn.

    Liked by 1 person

    April 19, 2016
  21. It’s sad to have to live a life full of constant disappointments. It seems just when things are going well you always get the carpet snatched from under your feet.

    Liked by 2 people

    April 19, 2016
  22. I wonder if he ever looks back and regrets his abusive actions or does he even realize he is abusive. Sending hugs your way.

    Liked by 3 people

    April 19, 2016
  23. Lynz, I have been reading the writing of your story for just over a year and your writing is just so excellent, and your story compelling. I think the detachment you write with, while at the same time putting us with you in the scene as it happens is amazing clever and effective. Love your writing! XOX JoHanna 🌍

    Liked by 1 person

    April 19, 2016
  24. I can’t imagine living in heat like that without electricity!

    Liked by 2 people

    April 19, 2016
  25. That’s the worst anticipation and recieving disappointing. That hope shattered.

    Like

    April 19, 2016
  26. I think this time around, I got even more upset!

    Liked by 1 person

    April 20, 2016
  27. You are an amazing strong lady. You give new meaning to “What doesn’t kill me will only make me stronger.”

    Liked by 1 person

    April 21, 2016
  28. Anonymous #

    This was another fascinating glance into your old life. It’s nice to know that you found those other ladies to connect with, like a ray of hope. But then of course comes the disappointment of not being able to visit them when you wanted. Sigh, that had to be hard. I also like when you talk about the “workers” and that part of society that you describe as being forgotten or overlooked. So interesting, thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    April 22, 2016
  29. Such an emotional roller coaster. So sad.

    Liked by 1 person

    April 24, 2016
  30. Lynn, So glad you are sharing this…but no longer experiencing it! jo

    Liked by 1 person

    May 2, 2016

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