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Review and edit of beginning 1994–Too polite

Each week I post old stories for those who have not read them, also editing them as I go- Last week- At the end of our tour he mentioned a tiny detail, as he always did, to make sure I understood and accepted, no electricity. The building was finished but waiting for a simple hook up which would be coming any day. Until that time, it was rent free and electricity was supplied from the building next door. The atmosphere and ability to view the outside world precluded logic and in reality the decision had already been made. I had no idea that days would turn into months, enduring temperatures as high as 115 degrees, struggling with hours of no a/c, no lights and no way to cook on the swap meet stove.

 

 

We said goodbye to the villa, I kissed Um Abdullah (Saudi neighbor living downstairs) on each cheek and gave her my regards. We barely understood each other but she was a light for me in what had become a dark abyss. She offered her home, her phone and brought me tea and sweets on her visits. Looking back I can imagine it pained her to see nothing on top of nothing. For Arabs this would be considered a shame, something I didn’t know until years later when I watched young brides move into fully furnished apartments, new wardrobes filled with dresses, shoes and gold sets. One evening days before we moved, Um Abdullah sent her son to tell him(husband) that she would make a visit to see me. He (husband) rushed up the stairs and once again whispered to me, “make sure to shut the doors, she cannot see that we have no beds”  so being the dutiful wife that I had become, I did as I was told. Even with the bedroom doors secured, Um Abdullah had to have noticed, the lack of typical adornments, pictures and doodads that Arab ladies place proudly around their residence. Instead a single large cloth was haphazardly tacked to the plywood that had been nailed up where an a/c should have been. We sat chatting, eating  biscuits and drinking the mint tea she carried on the ornate gold tray.  A kiss, kiss and words of God’s protection were exchanged until her black coat disappeared down the stairs and into her villa. I waved goodbye to her and to the villa as the huge brightly colored truck drove off down the road ending that first chapter of our life in Saudi.

Summer temperatures steadily rose to 115 degrees, opening the large picture windows in hopes of a breeze, only brought dust and sand and little relief.  Days wore on as we waited for electricity to come, but days turned into weeks and eventually months. Our building was hooked up to a neighboring complex and took whatever power was left over. So after an hour of morning chores I could hear the dreaded thud and chug as the a/c abruptly shut down, signaling the end to electricity for an undetermined amount of time.  An air conditioner was purchased before we moved to the apartment under the proviso that it be used only on low and intermittent.  In order to obtain this much needed item I agreed and followed the terms for usage. This is how our life progressed, a measured step forward with many stipulations. My baby was 6 months old and woke frequently at night so at 5 a.m. I took the opportunity to start my morning routine.  I vacuumed and started a wash, hung it on the drying rack and prepared the afternoon meal. A good day meant finishing morning chores and getting a meal started for the day. An average day was met with power being spotty and nothing much being accomplished before the discontinuation of electricity.  We were the only tenants who lived in the building and an eeery feeling fell over the apartment when lights had gone and clicking could be heard in the hallways just outside the door. Prospective renters walked the halls, looking at various units and then just as they had entered, they exited. The children entertained themselves, running and playing tag through the empty apartment, carting each other on the back of a tricycle their aunt had purchased and making forts out of the bed pads. I passed time, looking out the large, clear windows, taxis sped past, workers washed cars with a rag and bucket in hand and feral cats rummaged through the garbage dumpsters.

A few weeks after moving in, a cousin who lived in Riyadh, came and brought his family for dinner. In Arab society it is obligatory to visit and congratulate people when any significant life event occurs.We had no real furniture, but hospitality being what is is in the middle east, no one can be refused. I was to cook a large dinner for them and started on it as early as possible. With no electricity and a stove that barely functioned, this was a difficult task that I spread out over several days time. When they arrived, the woman, Um Tarik (mother of Tarik) came into the family room with her four children. She greeted me, removed her scarf and coat and sat, positioning herself directly in front of the a/c.  We chatted back and forth in bits and pieces of English and Arabic. She fanned herself and tended to her younger ones, pushing them to join my kids, riding the rickety blue trike. After the initial niceties, awkward silence set in and the language barrier once again became evident.  I told her I had to check on dinner and left, shutting the kitchen door behind me. Minutes later the door flew open and Um Tarik entered, she looked around and smiled in approval of the cheery white cupboards with bright red trim, but just as quickly she seemed to search for something. Her eyes darted towards the a/c in the living room and she moved swiftly, twisting knobs, shifting the vents and putting this machine into high mode. I stood watching her, feeling the wave of cool air as it dried the sweat that had pooled under my eyes. I felt a twinge of worry and walked to meet her, cautiously and politely explaining the rules for proper usage, which were my job to enforce. Turning the a/c to high and opening the door was a waste of cool air, it would be automatically sucked into the kitchen and wasted on cooling.  I adjusted the knobs back to the appropriate settings,  shut the door and returned to my work. Um Tarik repeated her previous actions and ended her movements by flinging the door open once more and tying the door knob to the kitchen counters with a string she removed from the onion bag. She ended her tirade but stood firmly in her place, “Um Osama,you, too polite, he will come to this Mutbukh (kitchen) and cook instead of you”???

 

119 Comments Post a comment
  1. Man, this whole episode seems extremely daunting. Why were you guys in Saudi Arabia? Family, work? Just curious.

    Liked by 2 people

    March 29, 2016
  2. In hindsight…do you ever wonder what would have happened if you had continually defied him?

    Liked by 1 person

    March 29, 2016
    • When we lived in the states, I tried defying him after I had two kids 16 months apart. he exploded and stomped pounded and looked threatening,that is also when he stepped things up! The message was usually that I was a spoiled, rich girl, who was rebellious and not setting a good example for the kids.I tried standing up but saw a strange little spark that scared me and so I would back down. I always felt I should not cross him deep inside, back of my mind type of thing and when I did, consequences became dire! I stood up my best for the kids, and that meant huge problems, so I felt no need to stand up for me. They were innocent did not ask to be in this mess so that drove me to be strong!

      Liked by 4 people

      March 29, 2016
  3. I like that cousin! 🙂 I hope she visited often.

    Liked by 2 people

    March 29, 2016
  4. Oh my Lynn-just too much hardship! xoxoxo bestie 2

    Liked by 2 people

    March 29, 2016
  5. Anita Kushwaha #

    I like Um Tarik! Hopefully there was no backlash from this. It seems like many people saw how unreasonable he was. Thanks, Lynn! 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

    March 29, 2016
    • He just laughed when he heard. I told him later as I was so afraid he would find out!

      Liked by 1 person

      March 29, 2016
      • Anita Kushwaha #

        Jeez, that’s so invalidating. I would have been afraid too. How was your Easter? 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        March 29, 2016
        • Went to see mom and dad to surprise them for the day

          Liked by 2 people

          March 29, 2016
          • Anita Kushwaha #

            That sounds really nice! 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

            March 29, 2016
          • It was, they were thrilled. How about you?

            Liked by 1 person

            March 29, 2016
          • Anita Kushwaha #

            Oh I’m so glad! I love Easter and really felt the renewal and peace aspect of the holiday this year. My sister and her family were away in Detroit visiting relatives there, so we missed them, but the rest of us had a lovely dinner together and lots of laughs. It was just nice to enjoy good company! 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

            March 29, 2016
          • So glad! 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

            March 29, 2016
  6. I like her! She thinks “he” should do the cooking in that horribly overheated kitchen instead of you! haha! What a nightmare, Lynn! So glad you are out of that mess.

    Liked by 3 people

    March 29, 2016
  7. Another harassment! It is amazing what you got done under such difficult circumstances!

    Liked by 1 person

    March 29, 2016
    • I look back and think it was strange and not real! xx

      Liked by 2 people

      March 29, 2016
      • I can imagine that you look back at it that way. It is unbelievable and it is from a different part of your life and part of the world. It must feel like ages away but then again pretty close at the same time.

        Liked by 1 person

        March 29, 2016
        • That is so very true Erika! you are so right, I still dream of him most nights, or I think I do, I wake up not happy, worried and sometimes I remember that he was in my dreams, just average life, not scary things! Weird I think.

          Liked by 1 person

          March 29, 2016
          • Yes, it’s weird. But thank God, your dreams help you working through it while sleeping and not when you are awake. It is a trauma and it needs its time. But those dreams show that you are processing.

            Liked by 1 person

            March 29, 2016
          • That makes me feel better, thanks! I felt it is weird and something bad!But yes processing! xxx

            Liked by 1 person

            March 29, 2016
          • It is not easy but try to be patient with yourself. What had time to sind for so many years also needs time to get sorted out. But the good news is that you have already grown a lot of muscles from it! xoxo

            Liked by 1 person

            March 29, 2016
          • OK thanks, I guess I am trying to run past this again and not process, move forward!

            Liked by 1 person

            March 29, 2016
          • Sometimes we need that break, but in the end even that is part of the progress. There is only the way forward even when we think we walk back. One day, you’ll leave a big part behind!

            Liked by 1 person

            March 30, 2016
          • Thanks! That makes me feel so good because at this point it seems like being stuck, but hearing that makes me feel better! Thanks so much dear friend! xxx

            Liked by 1 person

            March 30, 2016
  8. You really were in such straits, Lynn. Even your neighbors were mortified and angry on your behalf. I don’t know how you did it, other than through sheer strength of character. I was riveted, as always, to your story.

    Liked by 1 person

    March 29, 2016
  9. I take my hat off to you. Not sure I could last as long as you did there. Interesting to visit… I am happy you are here in the states! Be well Lynz! Hugs. Koko:)

    Liked by 1 person

    March 29, 2016
  10. it is so fascinating to read about this part of your life!

    Liked by 1 person

    March 29, 2016
  11. I like her style (Um Tarik) !!!

    Like

    March 29, 2016
  12. Unimaginable. How did you preserve food without regular electricity? Did you even have a refrigerator?
    I can’t say it enough, Lynn: you write so well!

    Liked by 2 people

    March 29, 2016
  13. Interesting to read about the Arab women and their point of view

    Liked by 1 person

    March 29, 2016
  14. I would have gone mad. However, they say there is no cloud without a silver lining and, without going into the whole thing about what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger (which obviously applies in your case!) but you did get something out of it: a voice and a story to tell! Keep at it. Hugs, xxx Marina

    Liked by 2 people

    March 29, 2016
  15. Too much, Lynn. It’s good that you relocated and moved on… you are just great, as I always say… ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    March 29, 2016
  16. Wow! You are one amazing woman!

    Liked by 1 person

    March 29, 2016
  17. This post makes me sad that you endured life with no electricity in that heat for so long. I am glad someone came into your home and tried to force you to be more comfortable.

    Liked by 1 person

    March 29, 2016
  18. I like her Lynn!

    It seems like there were many who were aware of his behaviors. More like her would have been helpful!!!

    Liked by 2 people

    March 29, 2016
  19. Thank you for sharing such a powerful story. It leaves me wanting to read more. I admire your courage and fortitude. It’s amazing what we can do that we would never imagine we can do. You are an inspiration.

    Liked by 1 person

    March 29, 2016
  20. Honestly, I do not know how you survived, I do not know if I could have. One strong woman you are, and I am thankful there was someone that saw what you were going through and wanted to help. Thanks Lynn for sharing these stories! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    March 29, 2016
  21. your amazing….I think that you could achieve anything you put your mind to…..your an amazing woman….I am surprised the women didn’t chew him a new one when they say how you were living…love the pictures of the kids…your certainly have good looking boys and girls….and Seattle is always magical to me….absolute beauty for sure…..xxxxkat

    Liked by 1 person

    March 29, 2016
  22. How interesting, however much you tried to hide the situation, Um Tarik could see what was really happening! Who did he think he was kidding, closing all the doors doesn’t hide the truth?!

    Liked by 1 person

    March 29, 2016
  23. What a life! You are an amazing lady for sure Lynz.

    Liked by 1 person

    March 30, 2016
  24. Its so captivating to read your stories. . You are truely awesome Lynn. ..

    Liked by 1 person

    March 30, 2016
  25. Oftentimes, I wonder how you endured so much abuse. I am glad you are no longer there. Sending hugs,

    Liked by 1 person

    March 30, 2016
  26. Good that you were able to share your life situation Lynn, which I think also helped you through back then. Big hugs 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    March 30, 2016
  27. I Haven’t been neglecting your blog. Something has been happening in my life the last 4 days. Please go see the 3 latest entries on my blog

    Liked by 1 person

    March 30, 2016
  28. He worried about what people thought but really didn’t care. Every time I read a part of your story I think of the book Not Without My Daughter. by Betty Mahmoody. You were and I sure you still are a very strong woman.

    Liked by 1 person

    March 30, 2016
  29. Pan #

    The more I read, the more I know your strength and grit.. You learned and adapted and now you are free.. You may have PTSD, if so, I’m confident you will overcome that as well.. I’m humbled by what you have lived though..

    Liked by 1 person

    March 30, 2016
    • Thank you so much Pan! I am trying to move on and forward and raise my kids. It isn’t always easy but way better than being there in that situation!

      Liked by 1 person

      March 30, 2016
  30. It’s becoming apparent that he wasn’t fooling anyone. Only in his mind’s eye. 🙂 The cousin sounds like a little ball of fire! Awesome!

    Liked by 1 person

    March 30, 2016
  31. I understand it was how it was – and now you are free

    Liked by 1 person

    March 30, 2016
  32. Wow, no words. Hugs! xoxox

    Liked by 1 person

    March 30, 2016
  33. I read this last time around Lynz, but great idea to post older blogs for those who have missed them xx

    Liked by 1 person

    March 31, 2016
  34. So many things you had to cope with Lynz.. I was pleased at least Um Tarik saw what you were going through even though nothing probably changed..
    I read through several comments and within each post you grow ever higher in my estimation of courage and strength that kept you going throughout all you were subjected too.. Kudos too you Lynz

    Liked by 1 person

    March 31, 2016
    • Thanks so much Sue, allot of shame and guilt follow so it’s hard to see that you might have been strong or courageous! So it’s nice to hear xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

      March 31, 2016
      • I think Lynz, we are conditioned to take blame and guilt.. Even when we know it is not our fault.. We would sooner bare the brunt of such emotions..
        I know from my own experiences with my Mother.. I was made to feel the guilty party.. Yet this wasn’t so.. Yet even though it took many years to shed this guilt.. the sadness and hollow feeling that surrounds my thoughts of these times are hard to describe.. Writing as you do is a release to these emotions.. and I know with time the guilt we diminish for you have given your children a whole new world in which to grow.. This in itself is a reason to rejoice and be thankful that you had the courage to leave.. You are strong! and You are courageous.. Your children are blessed to have you for their Mom..

        Liked by 1 person

        March 31, 2016
  35. It is no wonder you were the only occupants of the building. The local women weren’t hog tied by an abusive stranger who used his wife as a slave for his own aggrandizement.

    Liked by 1 person

    March 31, 2016
  36. He knew enough to be embarrassed! (Asking you to shut the doors.)
    How saddening that you tried to apply your “rules” to his relatives, and they knew what was right. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

    April 4, 2016

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