Each week I post old stories for those who have not read them, also editing them as I go- Last week- At the end of our tour he mentioned a tiny detail, as he always did, to make sure I understood and accepted, no electricity. The building was finished but waiting for a simple hook up which would be coming any day. Until that time, it was rent free and electricity was supplied from the building next door. The atmosphere and ability to view the outside world precluded logic and in reality the decision had already been made. I had no idea that days would turn into months, enduring temperatures as high as 115 degrees, struggling with hours of no a/c, no lights and no way to cook on the swap meet stove.
We said goodbye to the villa, I kissed Um Abdullah (Saudi neighbor living downstairs) on each cheek and gave her my regards. We barely understood each other but she was a light for me in what had become a dark abyss. She offered her home, her phone and brought me tea and sweets on her visits. Looking back I can imagine it pained her to see nothing on top of nothing. For Arabs this would be considered a shame, something I didn’t know until years later when I watched young brides move into fully furnished apartments, new wardrobes filled with dresses, shoes and gold sets. One evening days before we moved, Um Abdullah sent her son to tell him(husband) that she would make a visit to see me. He (husband) rushed up the stairs and once again whispered to me, “make sure to shut the doors, she cannot see that we have no beds” so being the dutiful wife that I had become, I did as I was told. Even with the bedroom doors secured, Um Abdullah had to have noticed, the lack of typical adornments, pictures and doodads that Arab ladies place proudly around their residence. Instead a single large cloth was haphazardly tacked to the plywood that had been nailed up where an a/c should have been. We sat chatting, eating biscuits and drinking the mint tea she carried on the ornate gold tray. A kiss, kiss and words of God’s protection were exchanged until her black coat disappeared down the stairs and into her villa. I waved goodbye to her and to the villa as the huge brightly colored truck drove off down the road ending that first chapter of our life in Saudi.
Summer temperatures steadily rose to 115 degrees, opening the large picture windows in hopes of a breeze, only brought dust and sand and little relief. Days wore on as we waited for electricity to come, but days turned into weeks and eventually months. Our building was hooked up to a neighboring complex and took whatever power was left over. So after an hour of morning chores I could hear the dreaded thud and chug as the a/c abruptly shut down, signaling the end to electricity for an undetermined amount of time. An air conditioner was purchased before we moved to the apartment under the proviso that it be used only on low and intermittent. In order to obtain this much needed item I agreed and followed the terms for usage. This is how our life progressed, a measured step forward with many stipulations. My baby was 6 months old and woke frequently at night so at 5 a.m. I took the opportunity to start my morning routine. I vacuumed and started a wash, hung it on the drying rack and prepared the afternoon meal. A good day meant finishing morning chores and getting a meal started for the day. An average day was met with power being spotty and nothing much being accomplished before the discontinuation of electricity. We were the only tenants who lived in the building and an eeery feeling fell over the apartment when lights had gone and clicking could be heard in the hallways just outside the door. Prospective renters walked the halls, looking at various units and then just as they had entered, they exited. The children entertained themselves, running and playing tag through the empty apartment, carting each other on the back of a tricycle their aunt had purchased and making forts out of the bed pads. I passed time, looking out the large, clear windows, taxis sped past, workers washed cars with a rag and bucket in hand and feral cats rummaged through the garbage dumpsters.
A few weeks after moving in, a cousin who lived in Riyadh, came and brought his family for dinner. In Arab society it is obligatory to visit and congratulate people when any significant life event occurs.We had no real furniture, but hospitality being what is is in the middle east, no one can be refused. I was to cook a large dinner for them and started on it as early as possible. With no electricity and a stove that barely functioned, this was a difficult task that I spread out over several days time. When they arrived, the woman, Um Tarik (mother of Tarik) came into the family room with her four children. She greeted me, removed her scarf and coat and sat, positioning herself directly in front of the a/c. We chatted back and forth in bits and pieces of English and Arabic. She fanned herself and tended to her younger ones, pushing them to join my kids, riding the rickety blue trike. After the initial niceties, awkward silence set in and the language barrier once again became evident. I told her I had to check on dinner and left, shutting the kitchen door behind me. Minutes later the door flew open and Um Tarik entered, she looked around and smiled in approval of the cheery white cupboards with bright red trim, but just as quickly she seemed to search for something. Her eyes darted towards the a/c in the living room and she moved swiftly, twisting knobs, shifting the vents and putting this machine into high mode. I stood watching her, feeling the wave of cool air as it dried the sweat that had pooled under my eyes. I felt a twinge of worry and walked to meet her, cautiously and politely explaining the rules for proper usage, which were my job to enforce. Turning the a/c to high and opening the door was a waste of cool air, it would be automatically sucked into the kitchen and wasted on cooling. I adjusted the knobs back to the appropriate settings, shut the door and returned to my work. Um Tarik repeated her previous actions and ended her movements by flinging the door open once more and tying the door knob to the kitchen counters with a string she removed from the onion bag. She ended her tirade but stood firmly in her place, “Um Osama,you, too polite, he will come to this Mutbukh (kitchen) and cook instead of you”???
Man, this whole episode seems extremely daunting. Why were you guys in Saudi Arabia? Family, work? Just curious.
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He is palestinian raised in syria. Met him at college, he wanted to move i had 4 small kids 8 mos pregnant so i followed
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Are you still there?
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Relocated 7 years ago with the kids
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Gotchya. I was just curious. It sounds as if it was quite an adventure. How long were you there?
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16 years.
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Was the entire 16 years that trying?
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In hindsight…do you ever wonder what would have happened if you had continually defied him?
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When we lived in the states, I tried defying him after I had two kids 16 months apart. he exploded and stomped pounded and looked threatening,that is also when he stepped things up! The message was usually that I was a spoiled, rich girl, who was rebellious and not setting a good example for the kids.I tried standing up but saw a strange little spark that scared me and so I would back down. I always felt I should not cross him deep inside, back of my mind type of thing and when I did, consequences became dire! I stood up my best for the kids, and that meant huge problems, so I felt no need to stand up for me. They were innocent did not ask to be in this mess so that drove me to be strong!
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You made the best with what you had – you’re truly amazing 🙂
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Thanks so much Linda!
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I totally get, Lynn, you saw the “crazy” come out, and were just trying to not let that happen again 😦
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yes I didn’t think about it at that time, I felt like things were great but way back in my mind I knew!
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I like that cousin! 🙂 I hope she visited often.
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She did here and there and was one tough lady! thanks for reading!
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Oh my Lynn-just too much hardship! xoxoxo bestie 2
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Thanks for reading bestie xoxo
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I like Um Tarik! Hopefully there was no backlash from this. It seems like many people saw how unreasonable he was. Thanks, Lynn! 🙂
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He just laughed when he heard. I told him later as I was so afraid he would find out!
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Jeez, that’s so invalidating. I would have been afraid too. How was your Easter? 🙂
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Went to see mom and dad to surprise them for the day
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That sounds really nice! 🙂
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It was, they were thrilled. How about you?
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Oh I’m so glad! I love Easter and really felt the renewal and peace aspect of the holiday this year. My sister and her family were away in Detroit visiting relatives there, so we missed them, but the rest of us had a lovely dinner together and lots of laughs. It was just nice to enjoy good company! 🙂
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So glad! 🙂
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I like her! She thinks “he” should do the cooking in that horribly overheated kitchen instead of you! haha! What a nightmare, Lynn! So glad you are out of that mess.
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Thanks me too dear Pj x
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xxxx
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xoxoxo
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xoxoxo
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Another harassment! It is amazing what you got done under such difficult circumstances!
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I look back and think it was strange and not real! xx
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I can imagine that you look back at it that way. It is unbelievable and it is from a different part of your life and part of the world. It must feel like ages away but then again pretty close at the same time.
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That is so very true Erika! you are so right, I still dream of him most nights, or I think I do, I wake up not happy, worried and sometimes I remember that he was in my dreams, just average life, not scary things! Weird I think.
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Yes, it’s weird. But thank God, your dreams help you working through it while sleeping and not when you are awake. It is a trauma and it needs its time. But those dreams show that you are processing.
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That makes me feel better, thanks! I felt it is weird and something bad!But yes processing! xxx
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It is not easy but try to be patient with yourself. What had time to sind for so many years also needs time to get sorted out. But the good news is that you have already grown a lot of muscles from it! xoxo
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OK thanks, I guess I am trying to run past this again and not process, move forward!
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Sometimes we need that break, but in the end even that is part of the progress. There is only the way forward even when we think we walk back. One day, you’ll leave a big part behind!
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Thanks! That makes me feel so good because at this point it seems like being stuck, but hearing that makes me feel better! Thanks so much dear friend! xxx
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You really were in such straits, Lynn. Even your neighbors were mortified and angry on your behalf. I don’t know how you did it, other than through sheer strength of character. I was riveted, as always, to your story.
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Thanks for reading Diana! It means allot to me! xx
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My pleasure always. ❤
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🙂 xx
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I take my hat off to you. Not sure I could last as long as you did there. Interesting to visit… I am happy you are here in the states! Be well Lynz! Hugs. Koko:)
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Thanks Koko 🙂
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it is so fascinating to read about this part of your life!
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Thanks Maria!
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I like her style (Um Tarik) !!!
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me too!
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Unimaginable. How did you preserve food without regular electricity? Did you even have a refrigerator?
I can’t say it enough, Lynn: you write so well!
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You are so kind! We had a used fridge and it was difficult. I tried not to make much food, keep it shut, no in and out etc. But still lots of waste!
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Ohhhh. 😦
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🙂
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Interesting to read about the Arab women and their point of view
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Yes they are not push overs for sure!
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I would have gone mad. However, they say there is no cloud without a silver lining and, without going into the whole thing about what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger (which obviously applies in your case!) but you did get something out of it: a voice and a story to tell! Keep at it. Hugs, xxx Marina
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Thanks so much Marina! xx
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Too much, Lynn. It’s good that you relocated and moved on… you are just great, as I always say… ❤
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Thanks so much, it is nice to hear that!! It helps xxx
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🙂 ❤ …
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🙂
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Wow! You are one amazing woman!
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Thank you! x
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This post makes me sad that you endured life with no electricity in that heat for so long. I am glad someone came into your home and tried to force you to be more comfortable.
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Thanks so much!
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I like her Lynn!
It seems like there were many who were aware of his behaviors. More like her would have been helpful!!!
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Yes! xx
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Thank you for sharing such a powerful story. It leaves me wanting to read more. I admire your courage and fortitude. It’s amazing what we can do that we would never imagine we can do. You are an inspiration.
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Thanks so much for reading!
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Honestly, I do not know how you survived, I do not know if I could have. One strong woman you are, and I am thankful there was someone that saw what you were going through and wanted to help. Thanks Lynn for sharing these stories! 🙂
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Thanks dear Terry for always supporting me! I hope all is well today and you are having a good trip!
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The trip is going well so far, thanks Lynn.
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So glad! 🙂
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your amazing….I think that you could achieve anything you put your mind to…..your an amazing woman….I am surprised the women didn’t chew him a new one when they say how you were living…love the pictures of the kids…your certainly have good looking boys and girls….and Seattle is always magical to me….absolute beauty for sure…..xxxxkat
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Thanks so much dear Kat! xxxx
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How interesting, however much you tried to hide the situation, Um Tarik could see what was really happening! Who did he think he was kidding, closing all the doors doesn’t hide the truth?!
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I always wondered what people thought and looking back I am sure they knew things were off! xxx
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I’m sure they did, but what could they do? X
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yes that is so true xx
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What a life! You are an amazing lady for sure Lynz.
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Thanks Cameron!
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Its so captivating to read your stories. . You are truely awesome Lynn. ..
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Thanks so much for taking the time to read dear xx
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Oftentimes, I wonder how you endured so much abuse. I am glad you are no longer there. Sending hugs,
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Thank you so much. xxx
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😉
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🙂
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Good that you were able to share your life situation Lynn, which I think also helped you through back then. Big hugs 🙂
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Thanks Irene, hope you are well! x
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Thank you Lynn, I’m okay.
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Glad to hear it!
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I Haven’t been neglecting your blog. Something has been happening in my life the last 4 days. Please go see the 3 latest entries on my blog
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I have been wondering hoping you are ok!
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So sorry, I have been a bit under the weather and just not getting around much on the blog!!! I am so very sorry dear Joseph!! xxxxxx
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He worried about what people thought but really didn’t care. Every time I read a part of your story I think of the book Not Without My Daughter. by Betty Mahmoody. You were and I sure you still are a very strong woman.
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Thanks so much Kim! I hope you are doing well.x
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resting a lot.
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glad to hear it xx
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The more I read, the more I know your strength and grit.. You learned and adapted and now you are free.. You may have PTSD, if so, I’m confident you will overcome that as well.. I’m humbled by what you have lived though..
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Thank you so much Pan! I am trying to move on and forward and raise my kids. It isn’t always easy but way better than being there in that situation!
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It’s becoming apparent that he wasn’t fooling anyone. Only in his mind’s eye. 🙂 The cousin sounds like a little ball of fire! Awesome!
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She sure was!
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I understand it was how it was – and now you are free
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Yes, trying to be free. Thanks derrick
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Wow, no words. Hugs! xoxox
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Thanks so much KR xoxo
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I read this last time around Lynz, but great idea to post older blogs for those who have missed them xx
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Thanks Lyndy, hope all is well!
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Yes thank you lovely, just getting a bit frantic sorting out last minute weddidng things now – left all to the last minute ha!
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I am sure!!! When is the big day dear?
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So many things you had to cope with Lynz.. I was pleased at least Um Tarik saw what you were going through even though nothing probably changed..
I read through several comments and within each post you grow ever higher in my estimation of courage and strength that kept you going throughout all you were subjected too.. Kudos too you Lynz
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Thanks so much Sue, allot of shame and guilt follow so it’s hard to see that you might have been strong or courageous! So it’s nice to hear xoxo
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I think Lynz, we are conditioned to take blame and guilt.. Even when we know it is not our fault.. We would sooner bare the brunt of such emotions..
I know from my own experiences with my Mother.. I was made to feel the guilty party.. Yet this wasn’t so.. Yet even though it took many years to shed this guilt.. the sadness and hollow feeling that surrounds my thoughts of these times are hard to describe.. Writing as you do is a release to these emotions.. and I know with time the guilt we diminish for you have given your children a whole new world in which to grow.. This in itself is a reason to rejoice and be thankful that you had the courage to leave.. You are strong! and You are courageous.. Your children are blessed to have you for their Mom..
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Thank you Sue!
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It is no wonder you were the only occupants of the building. The local women weren’t hog tied by an abusive stranger who used his wife as a slave for his own aggrandizement.
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Well put! xxx
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He knew enough to be embarrassed! (Asking you to shut the doors.)
How saddening that you tried to apply your “rules” to his relatives, and they knew what was right. 😦
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yes! They did
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