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Purple Blossom

Two months ago, I posted this writing, but only for a couple of hours and then tucked it away quickly under stories.  I was compelled to post it but then felt worried, exposed and scared, although no one had even read it! After that I started posting bits of my story and you have all encouraged and cared for me. Since that time a couple people have looked at this in my stories and have read it. I have found strength with all of you, reading and commenting! I am stronger now almost 3 months after this post! So, I post it here for all of you to read if you wish! Thank you for supporting me and caring about me!!! 

You look longingly at the courtyard full of lush green grass, you can feel it tickle between your toes, the sunshine washes over your face warm and alive. You move back and forth to catch the light, like a cat sprawled out on the living room floor, it turns to catch the rays when they disappear beneath the shade of the sofa. Its pink padded paws playfully touch the fading sun.
You would not dare to actually run, even if you could, but just walking is enough for your weakened limbs. 30 years of not walking has made you weak and numb. But once you make your escape who knows what awaits you. You stand in the grass, a tiny weed blossoms with colors of purple and yellow. You fixate on its delicate purple blossom. So perfect and tiny, how can it hold such beauty and intricate details in its tiny being. You marvel and want to bring it nearer to smell it. It must be full of a fragrant fruity splendor. You do not pick it because you know it would soon wilt and die and everything deserves the chance to live and to grow. You could not bare to spoil its perfection. You look beyond the grass to see the hills and you prepare to don your boots. You will walk thru the fields of wildflowers making a yellow endless blanket before you. You will walk, climb and run getting muddy, wet and tired. You will be …….free.
When you reach the summit out of breathe, muscles aching, you will witness glory. When you look to the right no metal screws, only the vast horizon. You can see the colors you’ve seen so many times, although it was years ago, you remember. The orange, purple, yellow and even blue, all mixed but perfectly layered. You will smell the pine trees and maybe even spot a dear leaping and free. It will awaken your soul, you are free, just 3 small steps to freedom. You will call to the dear “Yes you are free and so am I”  you will warn it to never stray beyond the hills to be trapped forever. As you breathe the free, clean air, not stagnant like your box, you feel a sharp pain run through your lungs, you cough and choke. You cannot breathe the clean, crisp air, you gulp and sputter. Years of not breathing this pure air of freedom is too much to take. Maybe you are breathing too fast, too much. You take a slow deep breathe in, then out, but still you feel the sharp pain invade your body. Your legs seize up, you try to move but you cannot.

You envisioned this escape for hours, days and months….. you day dreamed about the sun, its sensations, the mountains,the mud! How can your legs fail you as you stand poised and ready, waiting. How can your lungs not allow this sweet strong air to replenish you and carry you away. You put one foot out to start your way to freedom, your arms and legs are limp, lifeless. You start to roll down the grass picking up speed as you go, your body bumps, rocks lodge in your forehead, the beautiful blossoms are far behind you, you grab at trees, gravel and dirt to stop this procession. If you could you would tear a thousand blossoms from their roots, their life seems worthless and small compared to the freedom you crave. You look up to a blazing sun and you cannot see anything but fury. You realize your shirt is torn and your body is exposed. Your hair a matted muddy wig stuck to your bleeding head. You wanted to run but now you cannot crawl. The only smell is dust and dirt swirling around you.
Then a hand soft and familiar gingerly touches your broken body. It pulls you up gently, it encloses you, somehow a feeling of safety. It leads you back bringing you to your comfortable, secure place. It covers your body with a warm soft blanket of familiarity. No longer exposed, You feel relief, even joy . You can’t believe you dared to leave the safety of your box. Your arm is bruised, your face sun burnt. The sting of rocks and gravel lodged in your soul, peeling skin exposing everything, as you pull the pieces from your face, you think….. maybe the majesty of mountains is over rated after all.

175 Comments Post a comment
  1. Lovely story – I am glad you reposted today. I enjoyed reading it! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    October 4, 2015
  2. I ❤ this.
    Glad you decided to (re)post. I do that too. Take down posts I feel make me vulnerable like someone can glimpse a secret of mine hidden in the words weird right?

    ~B

    Liked by 2 people

    October 4, 2015
  3. MLou #

    You are an inspiration of Womanhood and Motherhood, Lynz. I am proud that you endured so much and yet came out of it safely with your head held high and your spirit not broken. Not many women would have endured that kind of life. You are rich beyond words…..beyond material things….You have an amazing spirit and soul and I am proud to know you. Hugs 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    October 4, 2015
    • Thank you so much for commenting! You are an awesome woman and what you are doing for your family! I appreciate your support Mary Lou!!

      Liked by 1 person

      October 4, 2015
  4. You are such a brave and amazing person… A true Rock Star 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    October 4, 2015
  5. This gave me chills, Lynz. A heart-rending battle between the longing for and fear of freedom and the comfort of the familiar no matter its cost. It’s a universal struggle and many aren’t able to break out of that box. You did. I’m glad you reposted.
    Beautiful writing too, it’s not easy to pull off 2nd person and you accomplished it perfectly.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 4, 2015
    • Thanks so much! I appreciate you reading it and commenting and always supporting me and encouraging me!! I also love your name ha ha D. Wallace Peach!!!!love it

      Liked by 1 person

      October 4, 2015
  6. Some of us are honored with beautiful sacred paths, this is so we can give others hope and love, and you are right…we need to share them, otherwise, how will others know, in much love and light..,spiritdancing

    Liked by 4 people

    October 4, 2015
  7. Lynz this is so deeply moving, I feel you are talking in metaphors …. they scream out to me. I hope you did not fall down the mountain. I am not sure but I assume you are describing how you felt when you made the dramatic move away from your old life. You ar one of the bravest woman I have encountered. You bless us by sharing your life and wisdom! xxxxxxx

    Liked by 4 people

    October 4, 2015
    • Willow, thanks so much! I wrote it about a year ago about leaving, trying to leave numerous times, get sucked back in to even worst and ridiculous circumstances. It is truly something that no one can explain, so these words just came out and that is how it feels even now! Thanks for your support it means the world to me. you are one of my biggest inspirations!

      Liked by 2 people

      October 4, 2015
      • I am so pleased that you persevered and made it out in to the light. Life is never easy but at least you are now free!! Thank God! xxx You are an inspiration to me and many others I imagine!! xxxx

        Liked by 1 person

        October 4, 2015
  8. Sorry Lynz typing in the half light , I meant to say, “You are one of the bravest women I have ever encountered!!”

    Liked by 2 people

    October 4, 2015
  9. Very glad you re posted Lyn, it’s a gut wrenching piece, you can feel the despair so happy it ended on a positive note, the spiritual and physical journey is life affirming.

    Liked by 3 people

    October 4, 2015
  10. I hope you are taking deep breaths of pure air:)

    Liked by 4 people

    October 4, 2015
  11. Another zinger! Full of emotion and beauty…thanks so much for sharing the hard bits…love the breadth of imagination and bringing nature into your work is so serene. I hope you have more and more to write and to share…Lyn, one of my life goals if you will is to live in a compassionate manner. Your posts help towards this goal!

    Liked by 2 people

    October 4, 2015
  12. Oh, lovely! Amazing story… 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    October 4, 2015
  13. So powerful Lynz – I have so many questions, but am patient and trust you will fill in the missing pieces of this beautiful and breath taking insight into another world. You highlight things that I had never considered (such as not being able to walk or run).
    What you are writing is important, don’t hide and don’t stop, this is your ultimate escape.

    Liked by 4 people

    October 4, 2015
    • Thanks! It is really a prison of the mind, body and soul

      Liked by 2 people

      October 4, 2015
      • Lunz – I think that this should be the opening of the book, then go back to your childhood. I also like how you use the third person singular and maybe you could use ‘she’ for this part and ‘I’ for before and after, to emphasise the two worlds.
        Totally your choice and decision, I know, but I am getting a good feel from this and you have so much support behind you now xxx

        Liked by 1 person

        October 5, 2015
        • Thanks so much you are so sweet! I like the ideas! xxx

          Like

          October 5, 2015
          • Don’t forget, I am your editor – I will proofread the manuscript.
            But this piece is SO visual and powerful, people could just not help wanting to read on – as I said, I have SO many things that I want to ask, but will not as I know how difficult this is for you, so am happy for it all to be revealed naturally in time.
            I’ve been in work this morning and thinking about you x

            Liked by 1 person

            October 5, 2015
          • thank you, you are too kind and I always wait to hear what you have to say! Your opinion is very valuable to me. I know you are living an interesting and different life! you can ask whatever you like and if I can answer I will. You are such a strong support for me, thank you! much love!

            Like

            October 5, 2015
          • Oh Lynz – so glad that support you xxx

            Liked by 1 person

            October 5, 2015
          • thanks 🙂

            Like

            October 5, 2015
  14. I think this was the first post of yours that I read. My introduction to a brave, survivor. I’m so glad to see these beautiful words and feelings once again. Thank you, Lyn………….Clare

    Like

    October 4, 2015
  15. Based on the last sentences, there appears to almost be a hesitation, but that seems to be due to the new freedom. The first thought is “uh oh, did I make a mistake?” But as you go about each day, you are seeing that though it is painful and full of work, at least it’s work that progresses to a positive direction. Because either way, it would have been work, except the one where if you had stayed does not seem it would have lead to a positive road. Whether it was sooner or later, it’s best that you did it.

    Liked by 2 people

    October 4, 2015
    • Thanks! I guess part of it was the many times I left, that is how I felt, he came back nicely offering to once again support me and my kids! To not try to take my kids away from me, to not make sure I was stopped every step I took, no more harrassement,so I guess it was then those many times Thanks so much Karina!!!!!

      Like

      October 4, 2015
  16. I have a lot of respect for your choosing to stay a few times. I would not judge you for wanting to stay away ure and protecting your children, too. That being said, though, I even more tremendously believe your path of freedom from fear, emotional abuse and mean acts, Lyn is the Best way to live! You had shared on another post some part of your story. I am glad you are filling in the pieces. ♡
    By being strong and finally leaving for good, your children and family can breathe a sigh of relief. Congratulations!☆☆ I think your story is inspirational to others who may need someone to listen and encourage them to do the same thing you did. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    October 4, 2015
    • It is something I guess you must come to on your own. I finally said ok what else? I heard it all, was stopped and cornered in so many ways and fear is a huge factor. So, now I feel what else is there he can throw at me, not much! Thanks so much. I know you read this awhile back!!

      Like

      October 4, 2015
  17. The longing, the self doubt and the persuasion – it all keeps us locked up for far too long. They are clever these men – they always know when to back track, what to promise and because we have been so well trained, we fall for it. But each step taken to freedom, whether in our hearts or in reality cannot be lost. The time between, the time of self doubt and giving in, becomes shorter, yes? And you made it!! This writing is so beautiful and so heart stopping – it speaks to all women who have been there, xoxo

    Liked by 2 people

    October 4, 2015
    • Thanks so much!!! xoxo I know you understand. So blessed to be back and with my kids!

      Like

      October 4, 2015
  18. Lynz, that was amazing. Very moving and poignant. Thank you for deciding to post it.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 4, 2015
  19. Well done for having the courage to post this … it’s a lovely piece of writing – it speaks simply and clearly 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    October 4, 2015
  20. Wow Lynz, you are writing so very good that I could follow the feelings about the freedom. You are really amazing: -D

    Like

    October 4, 2015
  21. Such an amazing post, Lynn, am so glad you resurrected it. Much like your life. Congrats on such a brave, inspiring move. You tell your story beautifully. Keep going. Hugs to you.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 4, 2015
  22. Lyn, I can see why this post made you feel very exposed. It is full of emotion that you haven’t left escape into your writing of your story. I am glad that you took the step to repost it. It makes your story even more fascinating.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 4, 2015
    • Thanks! I didn’t know it would have any effect, I felt it was just rambling! Thanks so much

      Like

      October 4, 2015
  23. Glad you reposted Lynz! I get it my friend…amazing…

    Liked by 1 person

    October 4, 2015
  24. I sit here with tears for you, tears of the sorrow you have suffered through, tears of happiness for the here and now…wow girlfriend that was a very moving post…I am glad you reposted it for all of us, as you can see, there are so many women here for you, we, I speak for the many, care for you friend…you have been through so much more than most of us ever will be in a life time, or ten life times over..and for those that need the strength to get out, your words are there for them…..thank you, thank you and thank you again for letting us in, your a most extraordinary women and give more strength to us than you know….I am so happy your back and getting your life back, it all takes time and letting the story our of your soul can only help you heal…I am deeply humbled to be your friend…xxkat

    Liked by 1 person

    October 4, 2015
  25. Oh Lynn – what a moving, thoughtful, introspective post. Your writing and sharing of your story is destined to help not only you, but so many others – It is so raw, so true, so well written. Keep healing my friend. YOU are worth it! Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

    October 4, 2015
  26. The most important thing, Lynn, is that you are safely on the other side. It takes incredible strength to care for others even when you’re in the most dire circumstances, to stay positive and to have confidence in your ability to be and do what you want to do. The care you receive is a reflection of the abundant love you have poured out. May you continue to feel good about walking and running so you can leave those troubles behind. x

    Liked by 1 person

    October 4, 2015
    • Thanks so much!!

      Liked by 1 person

      October 4, 2015
      • Purple blossoms are my favourites by the way. Purple is also the colour of a wise aura that is fully conversant with a universe of well being. Best wishes, my friend. xo

        Liked by 1 person

        October 4, 2015
        • Wow that is so lovely! Thank you so much for your wise words and kind thoughts! It means so much to me. I never knew that about purple, which now is my favorite color!

          Liked by 1 person

          October 4, 2015
  27. Absolutely amazing! You have an anazing story to tell and you do it so well. This was definitely one of those vulnerable posts but you have gained so much courage. Keep it up 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    October 4, 2015
  28. Lynz, that was so beautifully written and so moving! Thank-you for sharing and if ever you are in Montreal do let me know, I have a chocolate pear crostata with your name on it 🙂 xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    October 4, 2015
  29. This is BEAUTIFUL! Moving, and sad, and hopeful. “Yes you are free and so am I” Thank you for sharing this.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 4, 2015
  30. JC #

    I’m glad you posted this. The ebb and flow of your story and writing had me enthralled. it was as though I was there trying to help… beautiful.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 4, 2015
  31. marissa #

    Beautiful prose. Should be chapter one of your book!

    Liked by 1 person

    October 4, 2015
  32. Fun Simplicity #

    Wow! It’s such a waste to hide this beautiful post. Glad that you reposted it. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    October 4, 2015
  33. Vibrant #

    Very nice and well expressed.

    Love and light ❤

    Anand 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    October 4, 2015
  34. An incredibly powerful piece of writing, Lynn, that captures the emotions. You’re a very strong woman to have survived such things. Thanks for sharing. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    October 5, 2015
  35. Anita Kushwaha #

    Thank you for sharing your powerful and beautiful writing, Lynn. And keep going! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    October 5, 2015
  36. This was probably the most intense of all your posts for me. I find myself glued to each word, absorbing and wishing you never went thought what you did. You have such a resilient and bright spirit it radiates from this blog of yours. Really, just incredibly moving writing here. Thank you for opening up and sharing your journey.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 5, 2015
  37. How could one not get emotional reading this? I’m glad you found the courage to re-post this Lynz…it is an extremely touching post. *hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

    October 5, 2015
  38. What tactile imagery. Well done, Lynz

    Liked by 1 person

    October 5, 2015
  39. Lynn, I am always moved by your writing.This piece is so full of wonderful imagery and symbolism that it took my breath away when I read it. Thank you for reposting and having the courage to share your story with us. *hugs, always*

    Liked by 1 person

    October 5, 2015
  40. Really glad you decided to share this. So well written!

    Liked by 1 person

    October 5, 2015
  41. Alice #

    Thank you for allowing us to see inside you!

    Liked by 1 person

    October 5, 2015
  42. Lynz, your story evokes such emotion and heartache and fear…I completely understand it and I also recognise in it my own Mothers story 😦
    I’m so glad that you are ‘out of the box’ and getting braver by the day. You have so much love and support and we all add our strength to yours xx

    Liked by 1 person

    October 5, 2015
    • 😦 I am sorry to hear that!

      Liked by 1 person

      October 6, 2015
      • Luckily, she got out too, but it took many years to find the courage and strength to do so x

        Liked by 1 person

        October 6, 2015
        • yes it took me about 30 years!

          Liked by 1 person

          October 6, 2015
        • I am so glad she did!

          Liked by 1 person

          October 6, 2015
          • It took her about 27 years…sadly, it was my Dad 😦

            Liked by 1 person

            October 6, 2015
          • That is sad! I left at the 27 year point! weird, but still things were not completely done until 2 years ago!! I hope you feel ok, it is harder for the kids than anyone!!!

            Liked by 1 person

            October 6, 2015
          • I’m fine now 🙂 I only wished she left sooner..she stayed for me to finish school and it was awful 😦 but hey, it’s a long time ago now and she is in a much better place x

            Liked by 1 person

            October 6, 2015
          • I am glad Elaine! A big hug to you! I totally understand! I stayed so my kids would have food, clothing, schooling. And the threat always over my head he would try to take them! It is a difficult road and we feel locked in. Much love to you! Thanks for telling me this!:)

            Liked by 1 person

            October 6, 2015
          • Thank you 🙂
            This is why I understand your story so much, I’ve seen it first hand, and I fully applaud what you have and are managing to do for yourself. Sending big hugs back across the water xx

            Liked by 1 person

            October 6, 2015
          • Thanks it means allot to speak to a child who lived with this, I carry loads of guilt! 🙂 hugs back dear! xx

            Liked by 1 person

            October 6, 2015
          • You don’t need to carry any guilt, none of it is your fault. All that matters is that you and your children are safe and healthy, guilt serves no purpose x

            Liked by 1 person

            October 6, 2015
          • Thanks for that! I will remember that! xxx

            Liked by 1 person

            October 6, 2015
          • You’ve probably been programmed to believe that everything is your fault? But it wasn’t and isn’t

            Liked by 1 person

            October 6, 2015
          • oh yes, if anything happened even if nothing happened. So, anything with the kids and I know it’s my fault!! I am always reviewing and thinking and feel I have messed up even now!!

            Liked by 1 person

            October 6, 2015
          • I think that’s typical, sadly. But it will pass. It’s all about conditioning isn’t it? You need to retrain your mind to know and believe that you are a good person who deserves to be happy and cherished x

            Liked by 1 person

            October 6, 2015
          • Thanks Elaine!! :)))))

            Liked by 1 person

            October 6, 2015
          • xxx

            Like

            October 6, 2015
          • xoxo

            Like

            October 6, 2015
  43. Reblogged this on Saine Corner and commented:
    Very powerful evocative story by Lynzrealcooking.

    Like

    October 6, 2015
  44. Beautifully evocative story. Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 6, 2015
  45. One step forward two steps back it took me a while to carrying on walking but walk I did…eventually..like you..but it makes us stronger and hopefully our children will learn through us what is the right way to treat your partner…….Kudos to you and all those other brave souls who took that final step into a new world 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    October 6, 2015
  46. Loved reading this. I hope you realize just how much of an inspiration you are. Lynn you are so amazing in my eyes. Thank you for sharing this!

    Liked by 1 person

    October 6, 2015
  47. Lynn, your writings have such depth and emotion in them. I can feel the muscles in my legs tightening as if I’m trying to run for you — desperately wanting to help you as you are struggling to run! You truly are an inspiration, and it blesses my heart to know you are taking in deep breaths of fresh air as Sadie wrote.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 6, 2015
  48. That is a deeply moving piece of writing, Lynn. How brave of you to bare your innermost hopes and fears, and your longing to be free for so long. Your life of abuse and fear went on for so long, and it must have been so hard to eventually break away from it. You have my deepest respect for doing so.

    Liked by 1 person

    October 6, 2015
    • Thanks so much! I am still working on it but at least physically free

      Liked by 1 person

      October 6, 2015
      • I know you aren’t divorced, Lynn, and sincerely hope you will be one day. He still has a hold on you, otherwise. I do hope he doesn’t try to take the children away – although they aren’t all small any more.As you say, at least you are physically free.

        Liked by 2 people

        October 6, 2015
        • yes! The big kids tell me it is now not a threat because the kids are bigger so I do feel better!

          Liked by 1 person

          October 6, 2015
          • I have often wondered how you got out of Saudi and manage to keep the children with you. I’ve never asked because I thought you’d be explaining that in your late stories. I suppose he could have demanded custody of the children – and I know you wouldn’t have left without them. At least he can’t claim custody of your adult children now.

            Liked by 1 person

            October 7, 2015
          • He is palestinian and then got american citizenship. In reality he could have done nothing in saudi!! But i was locked in isolation,and fear. Here he has equal rights and could go to court which he hints to regularly. He says he hopes he wont have to drag us all through court etc. We came here to see my son,graduate in engineering. The older kids told me they would not return no way, they knew i would not leave them,behind so i stayed! It was scary. He was crazy mad, a lady who was not allowed to,eat with the family at the dinner table, made the decision to stay!

            Liked by 1 person

            October 7, 2015
          • Thank you for explaining all that, Lynn. I remember you talking about his American citizenship, but somehow didn’t relate that to his rights in Saudi.Surely he wouldn’t get anywhere in American courts? I really hope he doesn’t, if things should come to that.
            Is it usual for a Saudi woman not to eat with the family, or was that just him? Yes, he does sound totally mad. I wish you every happiness, and that he doesn’t interfere and spoil it all again. ❤

            Liked by 1 person

            October 7, 2015
          • no he was mad so that will be another little blip. the last 4 years in saudi after I sent my boys to university it was very bad I was not allowed to eat with my family or speak at the table becuase I refused to eat what the family ate, I was dieting!

            Liked by 1 person

            October 7, 2015
          • Well, Lynn, things just sank as low as they could. He really was mad. Thank goodness you’re away from him now.

            Liked by 1 person

            October 7, 2015
          • yes thanks for asking, it is hard to say but that was the end result! the boys I guess kept things in line and when they left no barrier for him!

            Liked by 1 person

            October 7, 2015
          • I’ll be waiting to read what happens in future, as well as the rest of your riveting story set in Saudi.You seem to have so many of us hooked! 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

            October 7, 2015
          • oh thanks, I really never thought to open my mouth and the first time I hit publish I felt ill! It helps so much! thanks dear Millie for reading and helping me through this process! much love, Lynn

            Liked by 1 person

            October 7, 2015
          • My heart goes out to you, Lynn, and I so admire your bravery in all this. You now have so many of us behind you, and you’ve proved what a great blogger you are! Kudos to you! ❤

            Liked by 1 person

            October 7, 2015
          • Thanks 🙂 it helps me past each day to be honest:)

            Liked by 1 person

            October 7, 2015
          • I was told to eat or leave, and then not allowed to speak to the children at the table etc.

            Liked by 1 person

            October 7, 2015
  49. Your story is beautiful poetic prose. I am so happy that you have found freedom. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    October 8, 2015

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