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The outside world

Average Saudi neighborhood

As the long, hot summer drug on, the kids continued playing, making houses out of the couch pads. This is a tradition they would pass on to each younger sibling and continue until we left Saudi. The brown rough blanket we brought with us to the villa became a curtain, walls, maybe even a river. The cardboard box that Grama lovingly packed and sent, still sat in the corner. I guess it was a reminder that we were not alone and someone was thinking of us. My thoughts were focused on the year to come, in particular, school. I felt a sick pit in my stomach when my mind wandered to the previous year. I felt that it must have been the worst school in all of Riyadh, a school with inexperienced  teachers and administration. Surely any other school in Riyadh would be much different, this is what I told myself.

The weather continued to be hot, 115 degrees, but it felt much hotter. The heat increased with each passing day and was unrelenting.  Unlike the heat I had experienced as a child when hot summer days faded into cool evenings and we all sat on the lawn swing in the back yard.  The heat was bearable as we ran through the sprinkler and swam at the neighborhood pool. But this was a different kind of heat and sitting in the apartment day after day made it feel stagnant and dry.  It was irritating not having regular electricity and the comfort of air conditioning, boredom started to wear on me. The English channel turned on at 4 p.m. but had a limited selection of shows, many were older programs and all were heavily censored, often times only a few minutes remained for viewing. My attitude started slipping and I felt a twinge of despair until I started spending many hours looking out of the large windows. I noticed workers who walked with their buckets and rags, hailing people as they passed to offer them a quick car wash,  this put things into perspective. They usually had a two year contract to work in Saudi, they left behind family, possibly a wife and children. They were the backbone of Saudi society, maids and drivers, and other “workers” who held the fabric of life together. In later years they became true friends who helped me on many occasions, shuttling me around to look at housing and carrying my newborn babies through the grocery insisting that I should be at home in bed. My thoughts drifted back to school although I tried to push this away until it actually arrived and there was no more room for denial.

I was sure that things would continually improve for our family and he would indeed find his “dream” job, In the mean time I offered my support and encouragement. He brought home requests from new friends for books that needed editing, desserts for office functions as well as reports for odd jobs he had managed to land. I spent hours working on these tasks although I had no expertise in these fields as well as no desk or table, no proper stove or utensils. I did this in the hopes that the man I once knew who had entranced me with his kindly manner, and promises of abiding love, would come back if only for a fleeting moment.This would be enough to carry me through the passing days and nights.  I nursed the baby on my lap, held my little Foof and hugged See See as I wrote pages of reports, edited books and whipped up batches of hundreds of pastries. I felt I could not do much for him but offer my support. I comforted myself with thoughts of how it all began and where it would inevitably once begin again.

I passed my days taking care of the children and making friends with a few new ladies who had moved into the building. Electricity was to come any day and this time it was really going to happen. It had been 4 months without real electricity which had been a test but many people in this world live with much less. We also received a phone which opened up a whole new world. I met many American, British and Canadian ladies married to Arab men. They were living in Riyadh and coping with the school system and life in a foreign country. Potlucks and picnics were held at a school parking lot where we all sat on blankets, laughing as we watched the children run and play. The phone meant I had regular contact with my parents and sister as well as these new friends. They called to invite me to meetings, luncheons and coffee mornings but it was difficult to attend any of these events when there was no way to drive. Taxis were off limits until years later when my daughter, a grown up See See, and I  snuck  to get essentials while he worked away all week at a camp. These ladies were a life line for me and literally meant hope in the darkness. I invited them for a coffee at the apartment where we spent hours talking and listening to tips about living in the Kingdom.  As I cleaned up and straightened the apartment he arrived home. He asked about my day and offered what appeared to be enthusiasm for this day off from tedious chores. He told me that I should most definitely get out of the apartment more often and relax. He went to his room and changed into his pajamas as is customary in the Arab world. When he returned he sat with me just like old times, he joked and spoke warmly, asking me about the ladies and their visit.  I eagerly told him about the stories, ideas and tips that were shared. Again another glimpse into the past and the man I had once known.

The next Thursday (beginning of the weekend)  night rolled around, we packed the cookies we had made, the old brown blanket, diaper bag, and juice. The kids were excited to see the children from the week before. In Arabic school they had not been accepted but at this parking lot there were children much like them. American mothers and Arab fathers, it was a place to belong. This week my spirits were lifted in anticipation of seeing these ladies who were much like me and who faced the same struggles. We sat waiting for several hours bags by the door until it seemed evident he was not coming home and we were not going. We all fell asleep on our cozy pad beds watching tiny censored snippets of old sitcom reruns. When he arrived there were no words, or any apologies but this was the way our life would play out for years to come.

99 Comments Post a comment
  1. Wow, what a life to have lived! It sounds like it was really tough, but you still found a way to make it through and try to find the good in a dismal situation. That’s really an inspiration, and a testament to the human spirit.

    Liked by 4 people

    August 30, 2015
  2. I was rapt by your story of your experiences. So difficult. I don’t know if I could have done it. You are a force to be reckoned with, Lynz. I’m looking forward to learning more.

    Liked by 2 people

    August 30, 2015
  3. Still amazed at your resilience and how you held it all together with no support.

    Liked by 2 people

    August 30, 2015
  4. Wow lady after all you and your kids have endured ..you rock 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    August 30, 2015
  5. Your experiences are absolutely fascinating and told with such honesty and clarity. I agree with the others who have commented – you are amazingly strong, resourceful, and resilient. I can’t wait to learn more about your adventures and insights, Lynz.

    Liked by 4 people

    August 30, 2015
  6. You are really a strong woman Lynz, just to be able to survive with those conditions. Good to hear that you got some friends, which helped you to stay strong.

    Liked by 1 person

    August 30, 2015
  7. Oh Ugh! That is my only thought when I read how he played you and how you trusted and hoped for the ‘old’ him to return. It’s only when we discover the ‘old’ him was the lie that we become awake….. It takes a long time doesn’t it! Still gripped by your story though Lyn – I’m so glad you are sharing it!

    Liked by 2 people

    August 30, 2015
    • Thanks yes you know so well, always waiting and hoping trying to fix things

      Like

      August 30, 2015
      • Yes, believing it is your fault………

        Like

        August 30, 2015
        • Yes and at that point and forward each new person i met was then considered a bad influence like those nice ladies

          Like

          August 30, 2015
          • Eighteen years in mine told me I was to stop my long fought for and awaited training course as he didn’t like the way ‘those people’ were ‘making me think’. That was the point too far and the beginning of the end.

            Liked by 1 person

            August 30, 2015
          • Yesss ugh

            Like

            August 30, 2015
  8. Thank you once again for sharing. I don’t know how you managed, I would have been a complete wreck!

    Liked by 1 person

    August 31, 2015
  9. gosh, I doubt I would have coped at all. Heat and I are like oil and water – we don;t mix. We are to be commended. Thanks for sharing this with us.

    Like

    August 31, 2015
  10. What I love about your story is your ability to find positives where most would just find more room to moan and groan. It is a rare gift you have.

    Liked by 5 people

    August 31, 2015
  11. It is shocking how unpredictable your ex was and that you could never rely on what he said, not the agreements and not the warm words. That is so sad.

    Liked by 1 person

    August 31, 2015
    • Yes , he started nicely finding ways, like in this story, to keep everyone away.

      Liked by 1 person

      August 31, 2015
      • Sad, that he was so successful!

        Liked by 1 person

        August 31, 2015
        • yes, the cycle I guess! It is still hard for me at age 53, to meet people and make friends. you all have welcomed me which has meant so much!

          Liked by 1 person

          August 31, 2015
          • I think it is one of the most beautiful liberations when after a time of mistrust, humiliation, and disappointments, you find out that there are more people you can trust than those you can’t. I believe that this is a place of love and support. I never found so many wonderful and kindred spirits like over here. And you are one of them, Lynz!

            Liked by 2 people

            August 31, 2015
          • yes me too! You too Erika, thanks for the support!

            Liked by 1 person

            August 31, 2015
          • Thanks for sharing this all with us, Lynz. ❤

            Like

            August 31, 2015
  12. Powerful story!

    Liked by 1 person

    August 31, 2015
  13. Hi Lynz! I nominated you for the Liebster Award! It is in my last post! xxxxNatascha

    Liked by 1 person

    August 31, 2015
  14. another riveting chapter Lynn. The only thing that gets me through these is knowing there IS a happy ending.

    Liked by 1 person

    August 31, 2015
    • Thanks so much Jodi! It was the beginning of a new isolation that would last until now!

      Liked by 1 person

      August 31, 2015
      • Lynn – did you journal during all of this or is your memory this vivid? It is written so well, I feel like I am right there with you, and I feel the pain and isolation.

        Liked by 1 person

        August 31, 2015
        • No I didn’t, no time or paper sometimes haha but now it is the overall feeling and events that occurred daily so trying to put them into a quick page. what happened here was the beginning point of noone was allowed in our lives, so it was a daily thing. The kids met people, wanted to go visit, no it was not allowed they were not our “type’ etc. The same for me, any lady I would meet, it would last for a short time until he found reasons for it to stop! Unless he pre approved of the husband,so more of an overall feeling. I dont want to talk about the total negatives which involved much more.

          Liked by 1 person

          August 31, 2015
    • I feel that if I were to go over details it would take pages and hours of writing so I am going for the general idea and trying to make it interesting by putting it into a short page. But it is vivid because it is how our life has been up until recently! And still is in ways, it holds you for a long time!!Thanks Jodi

      Like

      August 31, 2015
  15. Lynn, I look forward to every post honestly hanging on every word! I feel the hopelessness and disappointment, you must have been feeling for not just you but your children. And I love that inspire it all you took solace in having each other. Your bond with them must be impenetrable.

    Liked by 2 people

    August 31, 2015
  16. Your amazing life – you are an AMAZING WOMAN!! 🙂

    Like

    August 31, 2015
  17. Your story is truly incredible, Lynz, and I agree wholeheartedly with everyone who has commented – you are such a strong woman. Thank you for sharing – your writing is beautiful.

    Liked by 1 person

    August 31, 2015
  18. Your story is compelling Lynz, your life seemed to be like a roller coaster ride, up and down, It is good that you have all these memories written down it would be an amazing book.

    Liked by 1 person

    August 31, 2015
  19. Lynz, I have an old school friend who married a Saudi and lived in Riyad. This was many years ago. I lost touch with her. I don’t think she faired too well.
    Leslie

    Liked by 1 person

    August 31, 2015
  20. Extremely powerful story!! And wow was I shocked to see how bare it is where you live. How much you must enjoy seeing flowers and green that are on other blogs. I don’t know if I could live in a place without color. (((HUGS))) Amy ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    August 31, 2015
  21. Wow Lynz keep writing!

    Like

    August 31, 2015
  22. Whatta touching story!! No air conditioning in 115 degree temps? I can’t even imagine how horrible it must have been for you all! Glad you are able to share your story.

    Liked by 1 person

    August 31, 2015
  23. Strong is an understatement….as I read your story I found myself yelling, don’t tell him how wonderful the women are, he’s baiting you for information….I am sorry for what you had to endure, but look at the strong wonderful mother you became and are today…..look forward to the next chapter…you are someone I look up to and wish to be more like….you are simply amazing!!!! XXkathy

    Liked by 1 person

    August 31, 2015
    • Kathy you brought tears to my eyes! You are so smart that is how it went each time yes asking nicely then deciding no they are not our type! Love lynn

      Like

      August 31, 2015
      • he is the controlling type…been there done that with my second husband…no thanks….they are so 2 faced…..took me a while to figure it out that no matter the man I thought I married was never coming back…we lived together before we married and everything was wonderful, I had a say, I could come and go no problem, but once we were married, that night at the house the rules all changed…he tried to control me, no more friends, eyes down in the stores no speaking with anyone, barely family, no more reading novels only the bible…of course me being the rebel that I am, it was nothing but a fight for basic survival for years…I stayed 7 years….way more than I should have, but what we do for our children….glad you home, and living a wonderful life…and so happy I was able to meet you….kathy

        Liked by 1 person

        August 31, 2015
        • Thanks I wondered how you knew! He was dream man until i had two tiny kids and had basically changed everything about me!

          Like

          August 31, 2015
          • yes….the old saying some men are pigs, fits the bill!!! I looked at my marriage as a growing block in my woman hood… I am a much stronger woman than I was thanks to the likes of him…LOL its all good, I am glad that I am here to help other woman stuck and not capable of seeing the situation for what it is….I love it when the light bulb goes off over there head….LOL

            Liked by 1 person

            August 31, 2015
          • Yes that is why i continue to write! I wish i had someone to talk to back then!

            Like

            August 31, 2015
          • yes I wish I was there for you….but look at the wonderful woman you turned into….and you had 9 kids…hard to make a big move…..I understand completely what you were going through…I am just surprised your mom didn’t come drag you home….but life was different then..

            Liked by 1 person

            August 31, 2015
          • Yes and you learn to hide it well!

            Like

            August 31, 2015
          • yes you do…..

            Liked by 1 person

            August 31, 2015
          • And you dont totally feel its grip until way too late

            Like

            August 31, 2015
        • Nice to be friends!

          Like

          August 31, 2015
  24. How fortunate you found such wonderful and supportive friends. To meet women in a similar situation to yourself obviously made life bearable for your. I won’t ask why your husband changed so much towards you and family life because I’m sure I’ll find out in future episodes. But I can see that from now on, things between you have taken a big turn for the worse. Thank goodness you had your children to love and care for. Graphically told, Lynz. I can’t wait to read the next episode.

    Liked by 1 person

    August 31, 2015
  25. As others have already said, Lynn, you are such a strong woman. I know woman who have gone through similar situations of isolation due to their spouse’s addiction but they were in their own country with a language they understood. I love the positive spin you add to each of your stories, amazing!

    Liked by 1 person

    August 31, 2015
  26. Truly an inspiring story! You have overcome these obstacles, and I am sure that you’re stronger for doing so!

    Liked by 1 person

    August 31, 2015
  27. You story is very inspiring Lynz. A true testimony of true love that sacrifices it all. God Bless you and I am sure your family knows how fortunate they are to have you.

    Liked by 1 person

    August 31, 2015
  28. I was in a bad marriage too, but I only had two children and didn’t live in the conditions you did. It’s amazing that you didn’t lose your mind!

    Liked by 1 person

    September 1, 2015
    • ha ha well it stays with you and I am still struggling with the whole issue, still legally married etc.

      Like

      September 1, 2015
  29. Wow, that’s crazy! I’m so glad you and your kids found a way out.

    Liked by 1 person

    September 3, 2015
    • well school was the worst thing I think! Not fun changing each year until we found a good school! Me calling people from the school out to the street to get mad!! I got brave!

      Like

      September 3, 2015

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